Film scholars are always bent on this one -- Citizen Kane or House Party?

On one hand, you've got Orson Welles who basically is in Kiss of Death or Touch of Vertigo or whatever after Citizen Kane but that's it until the green pea dinner commercials. Meanwhile Kid N'Play were in Class Act after this. Which essentially means that Kid N' Play were bigger cinema figures as far as history is concerned.

Oh oh yes...for who can forget what it was like to go see House Party the original one at the crappy theatre when they were fat and 12? Oh to be fat and twelve. You'd buy up huge vats of popcorn and rub your little weenuses with it, and then jump up and ask the audience if they were gay -- then run the hell out as if anyone heard you.

House Party is funny within three seconds of it's opening. As Kid with the mop hair tries to sleep, in walks his dad the late Robin Harris in a filthy wifebeater. "Breakfast on the table boah, you gonna come down here and eat this shih fo it get co?" "It would help if you didn't call it...shih, pop." "Shoo it'll help me too you get yo ass down here and EAT it."

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!

Then he goes to school and Kid starts up with the three big guys accidentally. And they have a member of their little turntable-turning group who actually has a falsetto voice named Pee Wee. "If I was you, I'd kick his effin ass!"

When you're twelve, you're rewinding this line over and over again.

And so they fight, and the fight is the funniest FIGHT you've ever seen. "Wait wait wait...alright now now now yeah BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!" punches Kid in the face and everyone's reacting like it's hilarious.

I do believe this fight scene had all four food groups -- funny fast violence, big toothful grins, indifference from peers, and huge 80s style brass knuckles.

And so then fade out -- and the next thing we know, Kid is in the principal's office with one of the bullies -- Stab -- trying to explain himself and why he had to throw the fruitcup to start this fight. "He called my mom a ho." To which the principal, absolutely appalled, turns to Stab and says,"You called his mom a GARDEN TOOL?!"

And so home Kid goes. And his dad is acting like he knows he's up to something JUST BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY HIS DAD WOULD BE NORMALLY. He's like this big fidgety dude. It's not meant to be funny but it kind of is -- the dad is used to two things -- working, and beating his kid's ass for screwing up. He's off work, and the kid's not screwing up at the moment, so whatcha gonna do but talk about the things you love like Dick Gregory and Dolomite?

Meanwhile Play's all getting his house ready for the big party where the girls with the pretty booties will be attending. That would be the famous Sharayne (did I spell that right), and then Tisha Evans from Martin and My Wife and Kids.

Meanwhile the DJ, Martin Lawrence, Bilial, Dragonbreath, has a whole bunch of girls up on the wall in his room and a sign that reads,"Slippery when wet".

And then he has to take all his stuff to Play's house in Play's car which is a matchbox. And in the front seat already is a girl. Bilial says,"Kick the BITCH to the curb and let me ride with my equipment man, I'm the DJ man!" To which the girl says "BITCH who you calling a BITCH yo momma's a sorry BITCH."

HAAA!!

And then Play says "na man, you just don't know how to load the car scientifically." And the next thing we know, Play's just tossing everything in there and scratching everything and Bilial's all "LEAVE IT ALO! LEAVE IT ALO!! PLAY!!! LEAVE IT ALO!!!" This is where "WASSSUP" came from on Martin several years later.

So then Kid's sneaking out of the house and he's on his way to the party. The bullies are there. They chase him down the block and so Kid loses them by hopping over a fence. Now...in the house is this huge Sinbad looking dude having sex with his girlfriend, and the sight is so blatant it's hilarious. When you're twelve in 1990ish chances are you've never seen this just out of nowhere in a movie.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

So then the thugs are trying to jump Kid at the old timers' party. The racist cops show up and make the hoodlums say "I am..." "I am..." says Pee Wee and the others in his voice. "Somebody," the cop says clearly inspired by himself. "Somebody," the others say. Meanwhile all the elderly African-Americans are so appalled they wish they had never called the cops to bust these hoodlums up at all. And the woman's all "they need discipline, not solitary confinement." How hilarious is that? This is a funny chase and now it's a situation where "yes, we'll try to do better and have more discipline in ourselves, ma'am." Where have you ever seen this?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

So then they're at Sharayne's house and the kid starts making Kool-Aid and he's pouring the sugar into the red liquid. By the time the girls are done talking, he's still pouring.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

So then the crooks that get intertwined with the bullies end up on a bus with a lampshade for a hat, a shoe missing, and a vaccuum cleaner. "The F you looking at?" they say to the people, acting hard despite.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

During which, the ugliest, scariest most feisty rat you've ever seen just shows up during the music.This rat is ready to go to war. Where did this little funker come from?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

And then when it's all over, Kid's dad is waiting for him with a belt and literally beats him during the closing credits. Before "House Party" the song.

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

That's House Party 1.

Click below for something else...

http://hubpages.com/hub/KNICKS-N-LACERATIONS-10-Things-To-Tell-Your-Girl-Who-Gets-Bored-As-You-Watch-Your-Knicks

http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Best-Movie-Of-All-Timers-House-Party