When my son was in 2nd grade and a sweet age of 7, he came home from school one day and told me he knew what sex was.  Hmmmm... I said back.  What do you think it is?  He then proceeded to tell me that his friend Michael had watched people lick each other between the legs; genitals Michael had said, and that was sex andhow babies were made.  My first reaction was a concern as to where Michael had seen such a thing.  My second was that I couldn't allow my son to go on with this mis-information.  I decided to discuss sexual intercourse with him.  I have always been honest with my kids and never used baby words with them.  A penis wasn't a pee pee or a dick but a penis.  A vagina wasn't a cootchie or va gi gi, it was a vagina.  I know giving the correct terminology to my children drove my sitter nuts.  One day, while wiping my daughters bottom after she had pooped, my two year old daughter reminded her to "not forget to clean her vagina".  When I came home, the sitter shared the info and her discomfort that the kids used those words.  Anyhow, I feel when children are ready to learn, they will ask and I took my son telling me this information as the time to tell.

I calmly told my son that I needed to tell him the truth about what sex was and how babies were made.  I asked where he wanted to sit, so we could be comfortable (I was racing in my head, trying to decide how to break the news to him).  He wanted to lay on his bed and look at the rotating planet mobile that was right above us.  So, laying there looking at the planets turn through battery help, I began to explain in simple terms how a man has a cell called a sperm and a woman has a cell called an egg.  When the sperm and the egg connect, a baby is made.  I told him that licking each other's genitals did not produce a baby.  He innocently asked how did the sperm and egg get together.  I closed my eyes, braced myself and said, "The man puts his penis inside of the woman's vagina", then I stopped.  My tension was broken by an outburst of laughter.  My son was laughing.  "That is the funniest thing I ever heard", he stated.  I began to laugh too, out of relief and out of stress.  We both laughed until we felt we would pee our pants and we both ran to a bathroom.  I hugged my little guy and was so relieved over his reaction.  Whew!

When my daughter was in 3rd grade, a similar thing occurred.  We were talking about something and she brought up the sperm we had seen in the Human Body film at the IMAX theater.  We went, innocently thinking that it was about the human body.  No...it was about conception and the growth of a baby inside of a mother's womb.  She made a comment about how they looked like tadpoles and left it at that.  I think she also asked if it hurt to have an egg come down the tube as she was imagining the egg cell as being like a chicken egg.

Later in her 3rd grade year, she asked about tampons and pads being sold in the bathroom at the movie theater.  I explained that she would use one or both of those products when she began to have her period.  "Oh, then I can get pregnant, right?" , she asked.  "Uh, no", I responded.  So on the way home from the movie, she wanted to talk about how did one get pregnant if it wasn't from having their period.  I went through the same mantra I did with my son andthen she asked the same question....how do they get together?  Feeling confident, like she would respond the same way my son did, I told her the gory details (gory to a kid) and waited for the laughter.  It didn't come.  I guess when you are the person that will be doing the "sticking", it seems funny.  When you are the person that will be getting "poked", it doesn't seem humorous.  She was aghast in horror.  "That is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard", she screamed.  "I can't believe it.  I will never have children as long as I live."  It was silent the rest of the way home.  When we walked through the door, she ran to my partner and my son and told them, "You will never believe how babies are made", and she proceeded to bark out all the details.  My guy and my son stood there dazed and beseeched her to not share that information with just anyone.  She kept muttering the words "gross" and "disgusting" the rest of the evening but dropped the topic since that night.

Now, my son is a teen and while he has not yet showed an interest in dating yet (that's because girls don't operate with the Wii remote, or have keyboards and wide screens), many of his friends have.  One boy has stated in the past his need to lose his virginity.  I am glad that my son's friends feel so comfortable withme but sometimes I wish they didn't.  When I hear something like this come from a boy's mouth, I feel I have to step in and give my two cents worth.  I tried talking about pregnancy and abstinence and how sex between two people should be because of caring and loving each other.  He didn't care.  He just wanted to know how it felt.  The pregnancy part didn't scare him either.  Kids can be so dumb sometimes.  I changed my tactic.  I showed graphic pictures of STD's on people's genitals.  I talked about AIDS, Herpes, HPV and more.  As I did, all of the boys got the deer in the headlight look on their face.  "Gross man", is what they said.  I walked away smiling, feeling as if I had done my duty and it would last at least for a couple years.  I hope!

My daughter hasn't brought up sex since that one night.  She just keeps telling me how she wilnever want children.  Little does she know that the husband she expects to have one day will want sex from her.  There is plenty of time however for that discussion.  I am praying it isn't until she nears high school.  My son jokes a lot about sexual things, as do his friends.  The other day, they were listing a couple girls that they think have had sex or an abortion already (they are in 8th grade).  I asked if they wanted to discuss any of it withme.  They both said a resounding NO and left me alone in the dining room.  I guess my graphic talk with pictures was still effective as of last week.  Chalk one up for the Internet!

So, as a parent, I realize that one day, my children will feel brave enough to discuss intercourse with me.  I will have to not only promote abstinence, but also realize that I can't be with my kids 24/7 and they may have sex before they have graduated from college, traveled the world and snatched that dream job.  Yes.  They may even have sex before they graduate from high school.  I hope not.  If they do however, I will educate them on safe sex and help them obtain condoms and spermicidal jellies.  We will discuss the dangers of STD's again and they will visit the doctor regularly to make sure they are healthy.  My daughter will also get the HPV vaccination in a few years to help save her from HPV and cervical problems.  

Educating your child doesn't make them want to try things.  It helps them weigh the pros and the cons and it makes them feel empowered by making the choice.  I know that by being honest and answering their questions when they asked them, my kids have made many good choices for themselves without my having to nag them from behind.  Sex is a serious topic and deserves complete honesty so that your kids will have the information they need for resources and for making decisions that help them in life instead of hampering it.