The reason I am starting this blog is for no other reason than the simple fact that I need to express myself. If there are other people out there who feel the inability to express their true feelings, then join me in my jorney to complete knowledge of self. I spent the first five years of my teenage years learning how to lie, cheat, steal, manipulate and numb my mind with drugs. In the second five years I came to the realization that not only had I become a hardcore drug addict, but I had the disease of a three folk nature (Mind, Body, and Soul). I faught this concept from the time this bit of wisdom was presented to me, until October 12, 2009. On this date I decided that everything I had ever tried to be a successful drinker or drug user had failed me.

Now for most of you out there this may sound like a horrible life that you could never relate to, but allow me to try and put it into perspective. Some people go shopping for new things, but they comprimise their ability to pay rent, some people ruin marriages because they have an addiction to sex (like my father). Something as socially required as work can be considered unhealthy, comprimising time with your family because you feel the need to work ALL the time. Whatever the circumstance may be, there always has to be a balance.

Now, for me that balance is complete abstinence from drugs and alcohol. And in order for be to achieve this I must take the required steps. The first step, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable." The key thing in this step is not the alcohol, but the powerlessness. I am powerless over the obsession of my mind, and the only thing that can save me today is my ability to admit complete defeat.