With a diagnosis of MS comes what invariably feels like a lifetime of "firsts". Commencing with the first time we learn we have a disease and its name is Multiple Sclerosis, we begin the long distance marathon that is life with MS.

Ready or not, we must come face to face with issues and feelings we never knew were taking refuge in our subconscious mind. Feelings so raw and true that we unconsciously kept them locked away out of fear of unleashing turmoil on our organized lives. Feelings so in total conflict with our day to day movements that we kept them at a safe distance, buried deep down inside.

With times of extreme stress and illness, it is no surprise to have these feelings bubble up and spill over into our daily existence, interferring with life as we have come to know it. The resultant discovery that our psyche is more fragile than we are prepared to handle means we must take steps to put our emotional and mental house in order at the same time we run the physical marathon that is MS.

When all these firsts collide and we feel as if we are being mowed over by frightening experiences demanding our conscious thought and attention we are at the very least overwhelmed by it all.

Expanding on the Marathon Analogy

Both physically and mentally, living with MS can easily be prepared to running a marathon, with the exceptions that runners of a marathon do so willingly, they volunteer their minds and bodies to the grueling task of enduring physical and mental discomfort. And of course marathoners have attained their goal after they have ran for 26 miles.

As unwitting even unwilling participants, people with MS learn to prepare and train for a race we did not choose to run, but that will constantly lay ahead of us. We learn to handle each milestone like a marathoner learns to run each mile- with care, precision, timing, strength and patience. Ever mindful of the next step, literally pacing oneself when upward inclines can be spotted on the road ahead, we train our mind and bodies to traverse unknown terrain with speed and agility and confidence.Like the steady foot of a prepared runner, who makes quick haste of ground that would stop the average occasional jogger, we keep our forward momentum intact, striving to realize peace with ourselves and acceptance of our disease.

Much of our day-to-day training comes in the form of dealing with the "firsts" MS seems determined to throw in our path. These hidden rocks cause stumbles, trips, and falls to occur but for the majority of us, they prove to be temporary hindrances as we become adept in accepting the unknown, adjusting rapidly to bumps in the road.

I believe we basically have 3 possible responses to unwelcomed first time experiences. At least in my case I have noticed I will chose to either

• accept it
• reject it
• or ignore it

Of course accepting an uninvited and unwanted first time experience causes the least amount of stumbling and the recovery time is minimal.

Rejecting outright usually implies a deep emotional connection to the first time experience that I am not ready to deal with. Rejection ends up making my life more difficult than it has to be, as it often involves prolonging and procrastination. Never good traits to have when dealing with chronic illnesses

Ignoring a first time experience is akin to rejecting it. I think it is my passive/aggressive way of handling that kind of first time experience that irritates me. Again, it is not helpful, in the long run.

Recognizing how we initially chose to cope with our first time experiences can help us analyze and change our behaviour to make our MS marathon easier to run.

After 16 years of living with MS, I recently encountered such a first . . . using a manual wheelchair for the first time.

The experience made me reflect on other firsts in my life.

I realize my first wheelchair experience has left me with much self-examination still to occur. My self-image and fragile psyche are calling for my attention. I will write about this experience soon.

For now though, this is a reflection on firsts in general. The adjustments that first time experiences call for, as well as what our inability or ability to adjust, reveals about ourselves.

In the near future, I will detail 3 major firsts of my own

• my first time using a cane
• my first time using a disabed parking placard
• my first time using a wheelchair

If you are newly diagnosed and feeling stressed out by all the questions you have, I hope my review of my first time experiences will help in some small way to alleviate your fears.

Naturally being new to the MS experience, your list of first time experiences seems endless. Your first pill with its accompanying side effects. Your first injection of one of the disease modifying drugs. The first relapse after a period of remission. All very scary and very stressful experiences. But you do adjust as you learn more about Multiple Sclerosis.

Starting a marathon is difficult until you hit your stride. You will hit your MS stride in the same way a marathoner does, by putting one foot in front of the other until the opening mileage is covered and you are relaxed enough to handle MS. You will find yourself on an even keel. You will learn to avoid, jump over, or absorb any bumps, ruts, or unlevel ground just as a seasoned runner learns to glide over the race course for 26 long miles.

When you hit the wall of fatigue and pain, you will be amazed at how mentally tough you have become and you will rely on that toughness to keep you moving forward in your new life as a person with MS.

If you are a seasoned MSer, please feel free to add your thoughts and comments to this series. Since we all experience MS in different ways, your unique view and experience will no doubt aid someone reading this hub.

Coming next . . . my experiences with using a cane for the first time.