WARNING!!!

The following hub may not be suitable for all hubbers. Below are the musings of a disenfranchised individual who is merely looking to rattle some cages. This view represents me and me alone. In no way, shape, or form am I attempting to speak on behalf of all bartenders or claim this is how all bartenders act or re-act. This is merely a compilation of things I witnessed and took part in during my period of servitude.

Going out to that favorite watering hole this weekend? Wandering why it takes so long to get your Amaretto Sour? Just what exactly is your bartender trying to accomplish by being so rude? Two words folks: mind games. We all play them and yet somehow we cannot spot when they are being played on us. If you walk away from the bar with a scowl on your face and a drink in your hand more than likely you have been a victim of a mind game with or without knowing it.

I know it seems like a foreign concept to those business individuals out there, but many of us people down here on the bottom are not overly enthusiastic about our jobs. Some of it is due to our forced servitude and some is just pure exhaustion. Serving the rich has never been a well-liked profession. Not that those of us who wander into a bar are so well off, but in these situations you have the bartender beat. After all we don’t have the weekend off, you do. We are at work serving alcohol not consuming it.

When you see a bartender leaning against the bar reading a paper or doing a crossword chances are they are playing a game with you. This type of behavior screams defiance, it shows the customer that yes I have to be here, but no that doesn’t mean I have to work. The ultimate mind game is where the bartender is actually looking at the want ads. This tells something much more compelling, I may work here but I hate it and am currently seeking other forms of employment. I find most people resistant to even approach me when I use this tactic.

Another good game to play with a customer is the silent routine. This is where you approach the customer, look them in the eye and wait for them to tell you what they want. The majority of people wait to be acknowledged verbally in a situation like this, depriving them of this societal norm is confusing and leads to a fish out of water situation. Customers wait and stare until they eventually stutter out a “Hi” or “How are you?” I generally wait until they name a drink they wish to consume and simply walk off to make it. This type of treatment from the bartender exerts a lot of power over an individual because it shows pride, I may have to be here, but I don’t have to be nice or even talk to you if I don’t want to.

How about when you are paying for a drink? Since we are at a bar you have to pay for the drink right then and there because as soon as you walk away from the bar, you may never come back. When the bartender returns with drinks in hand and quotes a number this makes people flustered momentarily. The bartender is providing a social activity and quickly countering that with something as tedious as paying for this service with our hard earned cash especially in major downtown areas where the prices have been jacked up. Expert mind gamers will quote the excessively priced drinks with a smile on their faces. This communicates to the customer that yes I have to be here and serve you liquor, but you have to pay these ridiculous prices and I will not listen to a word of lip about it. You don’t like it? Get out.

Asking to hold your credit card is also a mind game because you are forced to entrust your credit card in a world where fraud is running rampant and you are asked to do it readily and without hesitation. Some bartenders will even mishandle or drop the card to affirm the customer’s suspicions of negligence. I have even had people ask for their card back and opt to pay cash when I employ this trick.

Attitude, attitude, attitude. . .bartenders exude attitude. We know we have the alcohol and that you want it. The real question is how much you are willing to put up with to get it. It’s not that we are bad people per say, in fact it’s quite the opposite. Generally speaking bartenders are mistreated by not only customers, but the people they work for as well. It is not that we are actively trying to piss you off, but that is a fun side effect. Many workers in the service industry could care less about losing their current job and are willing to be unemployed if you show yourself to be a real scumbag. I personally know people who have lost their jobs making a customer lose their cool and they all claim that it was worth it.

Want to avoid these mind games? The real way to get around these types of games at a bar is to be nice. Wait for the bartender to come to you and ask for a drink. Yes we can see when you approach the bar so whistling or yelling “Hey barkeep I need a shot!” only angers us. We will get to you when we can. It’s not playing favorites or being racist but we are busy. We need time to fill the high demand of orders. Understand that we do not get paid well at all. We rely on tips to survive. If a bartender has been getting stiffed all night they tend to shut down and the mind games start up. You can change all that. Know what you want to drink and ask for it by name. Don’t come up and ask what type of wine coolers we sell or how much every drink on the menu costs. We don’t have time for that sh*t. The easiest way to avoid these games? TIP! You are out on a weekend night, if you can afford to go out you can afford to tip. Everyone has a good bartender hooking them up story. We take are of you, you should return the favor. Patience, clarity, and generosity go far in a bar. Don’t believe me? Go out and see what I mean, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.