An old, brick building in the town of Victum housed the offices of Them. The large conference room was furnished neatly but without taste. The carpet was one shade of green, the walls another. The dark wooden table dominated most of the room and the bookcases and the three or four-hundred volumes in them looked tattered and used.

A large plaque reading THE ROOM OF THEY stood next to an aged, skeletal typewriter.

The table was covered in papers. These were being moved around in some kind of logical order so that all appeared at least once before each of the thirty-three They committee members sitting around the table making affirmative, and often unconscious noises. Most of the papers contained only brief paragraphs and a few of them, pushed to the extreme left corner, bore twenty, rather messy looking signatures.

The walls were decorated with Their success. These were the papers that had been approved for distribution and had changed the lives and thinking patterns of people everywhere. All of them were prefaced with, They say that.....

They say that:

• Sugar gives you go.
• You don't really need your tonsils and appendix.
• Drink numerous glasses of water every day to be healthy.
• One day when you grow up.
• Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
• Carrots help you see in the dark.
• You can't get there from here.
• You mustn't swim on a full stomach.
• You can't go outside with wet hair.
• Vaccinations prevent diseases.
• Modern medicine is miraculous.
• Children don't suffer from depression.
• You must eat a lot of protein.
• Drink lots of milk to avoid getting osteoporosis.
• You should keep your elbows off the table.
• You should drink water to wash your food down.
• You've got to eat more protein.
• It's got to get worse before it gets better.
• No pain, no gain.
• There's A bug going around.
• You must...
• You have to...
• You had better...
• You should...
• Men are all the same.

 

 

changes rearranges

perspective out of line

queries contrary

the date

is out on time

 

players soothsayers

tongue out of tune

hara shwarma

the time is now

too soon

 

spectrum rectum

upside in down

circus surplus

blues are green

and brown

 

peoples steeples

standing in the pews

praying saying

the them the they

they’re you!