Although this post is about jealousy causing the relationship to breakup, which it often does, I'd like to point out first that jealousy isn't always a bad thing and can help to keep a relationship healthy and strong. As the relationship breakup caused by jealousy is common, we seldom even consider that it can actually help in some circumstances.

If you think of relationships where jealousy only happens occasionally and isn't all that strong, then it can help to prevent the couple from taking each other for granted. It's all too easy to become so comfortable with your partner or spouse that you don't always consider their feelings, a little bit of jealousy can help couples to appreciate each other and make a conscious effort to make sure the other person feels valued. Jealousy can also remind a couple of how much they love each other because when jealousy happens, both partners will become aware that their relationship is being threatened.

Now, this is okay if it doesn't happen often and the felling of jealousy doesn't build to the point of taking over. The truth is that jealousy in a relationship is really the feeling that the relationship itself is being threatened, that you are going to lose something of value and you are going to be left alone, it becomes a kind of fear.

The more threatened you feel, the stronger the feeling of jealousy becomes. As jealousy increases, your confidence decreases. this vicious circle is what eventually causes the relationship breakup.

Jealousy can be an appropriate response to a partners behaviour, we are not perfect, and as such, we do make silly mistakes from time to time, for example it can be very flattering when a member of the opposite sex pays us too much attention. If this happens only occasionally then it's likely that no real harm is done, but if it happens on a frequent or regular basis then a very jealous response from our partner could be appropriate.

This would also signal that something deeper in the relationship was causing a problem, if the relationship is strong and healthy, there is little need to be flattered by someone else.

Having said all that, the biggest threat that jealousy causes to a relationship is when it is inappropriate. When there is no justification for any jealousy at all, but one of the partners is feeling jealous then it can easily become a self fulfilling prophesy. Being accused, falsely, of something on a continual basis has the effect of pushing a couple apart. Because there is nothing to answer for, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to defend against an accusation that is false, and on a continual basis, just wears the accused down. In the end, they may as well be doing whatever they are being accused of , at least then they can put up some kind of defence.

Unfounded jealousy stems from a lack of confidence. If you are the one being jealous when your partner has done nothing to merit your jealousy, then it's your lack of confidence that will have to be dealt with. Relationship counsellors are trained to help you both when this happens. They will give you an understanding of your problem and help you find the real reasons behind your lack of self-confidence. Dealing with the real issues is always the best way to heal a relationship.

The same is true if you're at the receiving end of a jealous partner. Convince them to seek counselling, go with them to the counselling session as you will both benefit from understanding this condition. You never know, you may be, unintentionally, doing something that's causing your partner to feel jealous. A relationship counsellor will help you discover these things, it could be something very simple to fix.

If the feelings of jealousy aren't strong enough to cause the relationship to breakup, you would still be better off dealing with these feelings and getting rid of the jealousy. Take a good look at those things that trigger your jealousy and ask yourself how realistic the threat is. What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? And is your behaviour actually making your situation worse and being the cause of the danger?

Jealousy heightens emotions, this can make love feel stronger and sex more passionate, but only if it happens infrequently and is relatively mild. Otherwise, there is a very big chance of the jealousy relationship breakup becoming a reality.