“Here, friend.” A voice enters the silence of my mind. I slowly regain consciousness and look up at a slim figure, completely bald and dressed in nothing more than a skirt-like bottom and a smile. He hands me a cup of some sort of liquid and motions for me to drink it.

“What is this stuff?” I ask, shaking off the rest of my rapidly-fading fuzziness.

“Stuff?” A puzzled look crosses over his face. Are you kidding me?

“Um, yeah, stuff.” I repeat.

“I do not understand, friend.” His cheery disposition is both comforting and nauseating. Ugh.

“You don’t understand the meaning of the word stuff?” I can’t believe this! This is a rotten time to play a joke on me. Then, all of a sudden, a beautiful young woman, dressed in the same skirt-like attire and equally as bald-headed , quickly walks up to join the smallish man. My jaw drops open; apparently she forgot to put her top on and obviously it doesn’t even rate a second glance from the male attendant. Okay, guys, punk time is over.

The attractive lady looks at me quizzically.

“Are you well, friend?” Her concern is genuine, I notice. My eyes are trying vigorously to settle upon her face and failing miserably for the effort. Wow! Seriously, she needs to cover up! Well, not really, I AM enjoying the view.

“I’m okay.” I respond shakily. She reaches out to touch my face. Try to look into her eyes, Jimmy.

“Perhaps, we should take him back to the Gathering.” The young man offers. The topless goddess nods her head in affirmation and looks right at me.

“Are you well enough to travel, friend?” She inquires. I just make out a snippet of quiet conversation between the two: “This is one of the Hairy Ones.” The tone of barely-restrained revulsion is quite evident in her voice.

“I fear that you are correct, Zamiah, but we must get him to better wellness.” His inflection was not that much less tinged with abhorrence. Great; so much for possibly being a hit with the ladies around here. Really, just where is here, anyhow?

“Excuse me, but, um, where am I?” I puncture their exchange with my insistence.

The slender male chooses to answer my question after giving his counterpart a suspicious glimpse.

“You are in the Valley of Saanstraas.”

“What?” Honestly, I’m not impressed with this prank anymore. I’m actually starting to get angry now. It must show because my two demure hairless ‘friends’ are becoming restless and uneasy.

“You have never heard of the Valley of Saanstraas?” The woman asks incredulously. I shake my head. Um, no. Just where are you taking me anyways?

“Please come with us, friend. We will take you to a place where you will feel much better.” Topless Goddess tells me soothingly.

“Um, you can head back to your ‘Gathering’ if you’d like, I’ll stay here and watch the fort.” I’m not going anywhere with you two. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be camped right here.”

I can see that they’re clearly nervous at this point. Maybe, they’re unused to people not complying with their subtle demands? Well, tough turkey, I’m staying put.

“You will suffer ill effects from the coming night.” The man asserts; his female clone nods in answer.

“I can use a blanket,” I answer tersely. “Other than that, I’m good.” I see them both fidget, apparently not ready to leave without me. I sigh exasperatedly.

“Look, I can hunt for my food, if you don’t want to share any with me, but I would appreciate a blanket. I am certainly capable of making a fire to warm myself and cook my food. Why are you two looking at me as though I were growing a third arm out of my forehead? Seriously; I’ll be fine, thank you.” I am losing my patience with these pretty, bald gentlefolk.

They look at each other again before the female speaks.

“We fear for your safety, friend.” She begins. “There are others of your kind in this region who would not accept your presence.” I yawn, absolutely enthralled.

After a few moments, I walk over to my benefactors and smile reassuringly.

“I’ll be fine; trust me. If you can get me some sleeping covers, I would be appreciative.”

The male smiles back weakly. “We will return with food and blankets for you, friend. Be ever cautious.” He then turns and he and his companion walk off into the woods. See ya.

I head off into the other direction and commence to gathering some kindling and firewood. I gather up some heavy stones and clear away an area for a fire pit. I also grab a good portion of straw in the open field where I woke up and bring it back to my new campground.

Several hours later, after I accomplish all of my necessary tasks, the two companions return with blankets and foodstuffs in a large sack. Upon first inspection, the food looks like some kind of oatmeal. What? No meat? Sigh.

“There wouldn’t happen to be any meat in here, would there?” I inquire, knowing full well that there wasn’t. The shocked expression on their faces said it all. Lovely, I’m some sort of carnivorous animal to these folk. Fine. Oatmeal it is.

“Thank you very much for these provisions.” I say, grinning. I reach out to shake the young man’s hand and he shrinks away. What the Hell? Who are these people? The young woman speaks up eventually.

“We will leave you to your retirement and return in the coming morn, friend.” She smiles then joins her counterpart as they depart once more into the woods.

I tuck the straw up under a blanket and eat my meal by the fire, going over the day’s events in my mind. Tomorrow is another day and I’m going to have to deal with these strange people again. Lovely.

This is just plain weird.