I figured this would be a good time to address this topic since Obama created a stink with PETA this week when he swatted a fly. It made those people crazy. Or should I say crazier? Obama's good sense combined with the fact that I am sitting in front of my computer with a rolled up magazine swatting flies myself has made me want to explore this with you. My son held the door open too long today and about 4 flies bolted inside. This skeeves me profoundly. You ask "Why kitchen police? Why? It's just a stupid fly?" And you also may ask "What in the world would the kitchen police need to talk about flies for??" Well, it all goes back many years ago. I was about 8 years old at the time. I was sitting on the stoop with my mother. A little fly landed on my leg. My mother waved it off quickly. I said "what? It's just a fly!" She said "You see that thing? That little fly with the little green body?" I said "Yes, mommy" . She says, "It's a shit fly". "huh?" I say. She says "It's a shit fly. They call em' shit flies. They call em' that because they eat shit. Then they land on your food and then you eat shit. Then you get sick." "Um...ok Mommy" I respond. Sure enough a few days later while walking, I pass a dog turd on the sidewalk. As I pass, a cloud of green flies bursts up in a wave and then careens back down upon the coveted turd when I get a little farther away. "hmmm, shit flies" I think. "Ok then, point taken".

So, all these years I never eat something that I've seen a fly land on. Neither should you. Now, I'm no bug specialist but I can tell you that the technical term for the flies I am referring to is not "shit fly". No, they are actually considered filth flies. And, there are quite a few flies that fit under the filth fly umbrella. Frankly, I do not find "filth fly" to be anymore scientific than "shit fly" but I'll play along. Not every fly you see is a filth fly. So, don't give all flies you see a bad rap. They aren't all skanks. But, the one's that harass you at your bbq and picnic probably are. Those that get into your house when you aren't looking and lazily circle your table looking for a landing strip...probably a shit fly. Oh...sorry...filth fly. According to one site I read, these little beasts can transmit about 60 different illnesses. These illnesses can include food poisoning, like Salmonella and Shigella. Not enough? How about a cool case of cryptosporidium after you bite that yummy muffin the fly in your kitchen used to rest his weary little fly legs on? So, if you have them buzzing around your kitchen landing on your lovely fruit or your nice loaf of bread, you have a problem. This is why The Kitchen Police have been dispatched to discuss this very relevant topic with you. I take this one very seriously. So, Obama did the right thing by getting rid of that fly. I just hope he washed his hands afterwards. Know what I mean?

How do you avoid too many flies? Well...Proper sanitation. Don't leave nasty food sitting around. Don't leave garbage hanging out of untied bags. Don't leave rotting fruit around, flies love those sweet, wet nasties. For flies, the dirtier the better. A pristine environment isn't such a great playground, so they are less likely to breed. If you do get a few flies blasting around the house, get rid of them. Please don't feel badly. It's pretty much a "them or you" situation, and I vote for YOU! If they get in the house and you have to put a meal out, cover your food! It may seem silly, but trust me, do it. No? Too much trouble? Well, how about this...when flies land they actually drool on things. Yeah, that's right, drool. If some drunk guy drools on your pop-corn at the movies are you going to eat it? No, probably not. And, quite frankly, he (probably) wasn't just rolling in shit...I'm sorry feces. So, the fly lands and drools on your asparagus. Neat! But, that's not all. Those sticky, fuzzy, little fly feet have probably just been wallowing through your neighbors trash can. Even better, the road kill you passed on your way home could have been where that fly just had his feet. Wow! So, get that saran wrap out. It's worth it. Trust me. So, flies in the kitchen or at your picnic really are critical to food safety. Who knew right? The Filth Fly...the original...Dirty Bastard.