It's amazing how people can have a conversation yet leave with different interpretations of what was discussed. My mother use to say conversation is like art, no two people see the same thing. With each conversation we have with people on a daily basis can bring with them experiences in life and a culmination of challenges which can determine their viewpoint in a conversation. Those challenges and experiences help us define ourselves, our values, character, and relationships. Sometimes those challenges and experiences interfere with our ability to communicate effectively and gain understanding.

In years past, I would say things to people only to discover that something I said offended them. I was clueless of what I said that made them upset until after I started to spend more time listening. By spending more time listening, I was able to get a better understanding of how a person might feel on certain topics. It's not to say that we cannot express an opinion that someone ultimately will disagree, but we can have a dialogue that can leave us both feeling that we are on common ground.

After a few really bad breakup with friends over difference of opinions, I decided to address the issue of communicating. Here is what I discovered over the years.

1. Although I am entitled to an opinion, it doesn’t need to be expressed to everyone. I can agree to disagree with a person’s methodology without proving that I am right. It is not about whether I feel it is right or wrong, but more about being open to allowing them the time to come to terms with their individual challenges. Time is the essence of life. Everyone has a different time-frame to complete their challenge.
2. Allow yourself time to review how your decisions effect the people around you. Just because it is in your best interest doesn’t mean that it is in the best interest of everyone else involved. When we make choices, always being cognitive of how those decisions will alter others and be accommodating with a ‘little’ self sacrifice!!
3. Remember to find time for self. This doesn’t mean that because I need my space everyone around me has to be accommodating. If you need time for self, make it known with some flexibility.
4. What works for you doesn’t always work for everyone. Remember that if someone is doing something you consider wrong exercise restraint in judgment without condoning the behavior. It just might not be your cup of tea.
5. Offer an open ear without any expectations. What your fears, expectations and choices are in life my not always help the person who needs an ear. Keep it to yourself.
6. If you hurt, express it to the person without expecting them to agree. They can hear you but they are not obligated to agree. However, you are obligated to determine your actions based on their decision keeping in mind their best interest along with yours.
7. Don’t add conditions to a person’s decision. The choices are hard enough without added manipulation.
8. Always include your heart when making decisions. No decision is a good without emotion. If your heart is in the right place, the conversation will be of benefit to everyone.
9. If you know what you don’t want and understand you don’t know what you want, it’s okay to explore your options but not at the expense of others.
10. Finally, speak truthfully.