Its movie review time again kiddies!  Today I have a double feature in store for you.  Yes, I was able to catch two cinematic adventures last night, both hailing from Japan.  If you have read any of my previous reviews or know me in the slightest, you should already know I am a fan of foreign horror films.  I like them because it gets away from the “Hollywood Way” of making films which is quite refreshing from time to time.   I mean, I still like…no…love, some Hollywood horror films, but…well…you get the point.

So last night I was able to check out a film called “The Machine Girl,” which promised tons of violence and buckets of blood; it didn’t disappoint!  Honestly, there was more than buckets of blood, there were gallons upon gallons of blood in scene after scene. 

The story starts out by informing us the viewer that a college girl Ami and her younger brother Yu’s parents committed suicide because of a false murder charge.  With the parents dead, Ami & Yu live together and commit to living a peaceful life free of violence.

One day Yu and one of his friends are assaulted by a gang of bullies called the Yakuza Clan.  This gang eventually brutally murders both Yu and his friend Takashi.  Ami, hurt and heartbroken by losing another family member decides to investigate what happened.   As Ami investigates the crime, guess what…yep, she too is assaulted; this time by the bullies parents.  Evil kids come from Evil Parents…I say it every time!

Ami snaps and decides Vengeance is much better than living a peaceful life and makes it her mission to kill the Yakuza Clan…one problem…the Yakuza Clan are members of the Hattori Hanzo Ninja Dynasty.  I fucking hate it when I decide to exact revenge on someone and find out they are actually Ninjas.  If I had a nickel for every time that happened…I would be a rich man.

In one of the fights with the ninjas, Ami loses her arm before escaping to safety.  She eventually ends up at Takashi’s house (friend of her brother who was also killed) and they nurse her back to health and fit her stump of an arm with a large ass kicking machine gun.  Yep, now you know where the title came from.

With this gigantic fucking machine gun on her arm…Ninjas beware…your balls are about to get blown the fuck off!  You can probably see from here where the movie goes and eventually ends…I mean…it’s a God damn revenge flick.

So, let me tell you about the style of the movie.  The movie is as I said before, filled with blood, but it isn’t really a realistic sort of blood, it’s over-the-top liquid, burst water pipe type of blood.  For instance, if you chop off someone’s arm in real life, there will definitely be blood that pours out…but in this movie, the blood shoots out of the arm at a rate of 100 miles per hour and reaches distances of up to 50 feet; not too realistic, but fun if you ask me.

The acting is pretty piss poor, but it doesn’t really matter because it isn’t taken too seriously throughout the movie.  The atmosphere is very tongue in cheek.  There are little jokes about rape and shit like that that make you giggle here & there just adding to the fun.  There are literally obnoxious amounts of blood and gore in about every other frame of the movie so you gore fanatics should love it.

Plus the whole movie is based on a college Asian girl dressed as a school girl which I am sure wins over the male demographic if nothing else.  I hear a lot of people have either a school-girl fantasy or an Asian fetish…so I guess you can’t lose.  So wrapping up this movie review I leave you with this…Bloody, Gore, Revenge, Asian School-Girl equals fun for all!