I've had a lot of requests to write something about relationships, something about the funny little differences between men and women.  Let's be honest.... if I completely understood this subject I would be rich, famous, adored by the public, and sipping mai tais on my own private tropical island somewhere in the South Pacific.  Such is not the case.

But I am a people watcher.  I love nothing more than to observe and question and try to figure things out.  For this reason, I may be a little more perceptive than the average person.  I notice things other people don't notice.  And I remember.  Over the years, everything that I've learned can be condensed into one sentence.  Seven words that can change your life forever:  Men are simple and women are not.  Every single problem that has ever occurred between men and women stems from that one truth.  Now, by simple, I don't mean stupid.  Calm down.  I mean the opposite of complex. 

Take, for example, a real situation that happened to some friends of mine.  Happily engaged to be married the following spring, Jeff and Susan are walking down the street one day and pass by a Corvette parked on the corner.  It was fine.  As a matter of fact, that's exactly what Jeff said to Susan.  "That car is fine!"  Susan said nothing.  They continued walking together for six more blocks, talking about the weather, the new Mariah Carey song, and their plans for dinner that evening when all of a sudden Susan turned to Jeff and said, "The wedding is off.  I can't believe I was ever seriously considering marrying you.  You're juvenile, irresponsible, and totally inconsiderate of my feelings.  Screw you and your stupid station wagon!!"  She turned around, walked the other direction, and left Jeff standing on the corner all alone and completely confused.

The men reading this are probably also completely confused.  But I suspect most of the women reading this know exactly what happened without my having to explain it.  As women, we are well aware of how our own brains work.  We might not like it, but we understand it very well.  What happened during that six blocks between the Corvette and the melt down?  Susan's complex brain kicked in and Jeff never knew what hit him.

Let me share with you Susan's inner monologue during those six blocks after the Corvette.  "Yep, yep.  That is one nice car.  I've always wanted a car like that.  And it's the perfect color, too.  I would look fantastic in that car.  But it's not meant to be.  We can't ever get a car like that.  We will be getting married soon, and before you know it, we'll be parents.  Parents don't drive Corvettes.  Where in the world would we put the car seat?  If we had a car like that, we would also have to have another car for family outings.  We're young and can't really afford two cars right now, especially if one of them is a Corvette.  He would have to work a lot of overtime hours and so would I.  Then we would never see each other and our marriage would fall apart because we would both be working so hard.  And even if we could afford two cars, he would always be driving the Corvette and I would always be driving the station wagon and I would get resentful.  I mean, who does he think he is telling me that I have to always be the one to drive the kids around? I am no soccer mom.  A marriage is a partnership.  50/50.  I thought we agreed on that.  Maybe I don't really know this man as well as I thought I did..."

I promise I'm not making that up.  That is exactly how a woman's brain works.  Really really.  We analyze everything.  We overanalyze everything.  We have entire conversations with people within the confines of our skull.  We sometimes have entire conversations with absolutely no one within the confines of our skull, too.  Don't judge, it's just what we do.  I once had a fight with my husband and he wasn't even there.  When he walked in from work, he had no idea what in the world he did to make me so mad.  "Why would you say that I work too much?  I love my job!!" I told him.  He told me that he never said that.  "Well, it sounds just like something you'd say," I mumbled. 

What did Jeff mean by "That car is fine"?  He meant "That. car. is. fine."  That's all.  Nothing else.  So...who is responsible for starting the fight?  Neither one really understood how the other's brain functioned.  That seven word sentence could have really helped this relationship.  Instead, Susan said Jeff was responsible for forcing her to drive around 4 nonexistent children in an ugly green station wagon.  Jeff said Susan was to blame because she was completely irrational.

Fast forward nine years.  Jeff and Susan kissed and made up and are happily married.  They now have four absolutely beautiful little girls.  Little girls that Susan drives around in a station wagon.  While Jeff drives a sportscar.  Now tell me, was Susan irrational or genius?  I think the truth is neither.  Susan was simply ahead of her time.  If you ask me, the genius was Jeff.