We're all familiar with the line in our traditional wedding vows that goes, In sickness and in health. Back in my younger days, though, I blithely ignored that first "sickness" part and--like, no doubt, many if not most young men--focused on Initial Attraction. Who wanted a sick woman on his hands? There was a close friend, Danny, who briefly dated a tall, beautiful redheaded girl...who had a bad back.

I remember mentally agreeing that yes, she was stunning to look at, but that all I wanted out of Life was a Healthy Woman.

Pretty simplistic view, all right. Many years (decades!) later, being happily married to my seventh wife, I've begun suspecting there may not be a completely healthy human female on the planet! And although that statement may stir a storm of Comments, such as the possibility that maybe I just attract (and/or am drawn to) ladies with problems, it is true that all of the sweethearts in my seven major relationships have had to face significant physical challenges.

Pondering all this led to one inescapable conclusion: There is a reason for the word "sickness" coming first in the wedding vows, that reason being the deep truth that sooner or later, sickness will show up in your beloved, and you either deal with it lovingly or you fail a spiritual test. An example of such failure can be seen every time we see a news item about a lady whose husband or boyfriend bailed out as soon as she became seriously ill.

We seldom see that happen when it is the man who gets sick. Not that many men don't stand by their women in hard times; they most certainly do. But it does seem like the distaff side make a better job of sticking by their mates "through thick and thin" when you look at percentages.

Example of "man down": When Superman Christopher Reeve became a quadriplegic, his wife stood by him till the end. Never mind that they had the financial resources to provide the best possible care; it still had to be a trial of titanic proportions.

Example of "woman down": I met a 26-year-old lady in Hartford, Connecticut, who lived in a depressed area of the city. Her life was spent on a table, literally, with a telphone and a six-inch black and white TV but no man. Oh, and no legs, either. When she was 19, her fiance wrecked his car with her in it, the damage including the removal of both of her legs...and the subsequent removal of the young man from her life. He'd caused it, but he wasn't about to hang around to deal with the consequences.

Early on, though, many of us seek beauty as The First Face Of Love, as expressed in the following humorous song, Ponytail Express:

There is no denying my attraction to the entire Ponytail Express out there. My wife, Pam, doesn't mind that one bit. She was herself, after all, a member of the Ponytail Express for many years, and she never doubts my regard for her and my disinterest in straying. She'll even point out a cutie with a ponytail so that I don't miss any great scenery!

But. "In sickness and in health" could be the byline for our entire relationship, which is now closing in on twelve full years of duration with lifetime commitment. Fortunately, my own health is fine (at least so far), which means that I'm able to care for her and work up to 70 hours a week as a truck driver (in the oilpatch, which means lots of physical labor and plenty of toxins thrown into the mix).

Pam's health, however, is another matter. She does have mental issues--no, she does not mind me writing about this--such as a tendency to paranoia, and at one time multiple personalities (which she eliminated on her own). But her physical ailments are far too numerous to itemize. Just to give you some idea, they do include (but are not limited to) COPD, fibromyalgia, seizures, pre-diabetic, osteoporosis, brain demyelination, ruined knee and shoulder joints, and shrapnel fragments in both feet and ankles.

That's right, shrapnel: A fellow shot her with a .357 Magnum. Twice. Claimed it was an accident. This five-foot, 92-pound redhead was told by Emergency Room personnel that she would never walk again. Two weeks later, she ran through their ER. When they asked what she thought she was doing, she replied:

"You said I'd never walk again. So I guess I'll just have to run!"

How could I not love a lady with that kind of spirt and moxie? It was probably sometime during the 18-month period (1998-2000) when I had to literally carry her everywhere...that I realized I was well and truly hooked. No more ducking the issue: We were in it for the long haul, in sickness and in health.

For the longest time after her disabilities came down on her head like a ton of elephant dung, Pammie had a terrible self image challenge. A lifelong workaholic who believed in being Super Woman for her family, she suddenly had to learn to Receive as well as to Give. Add menopause to that (she's now approaching age 57), and some of the transitional moments were anything but pretty.

Even so, she came through it all with flying colors. What does not kill you really does make you stronger. And just last week, she inspired this Hub by telling me (for the first time) that a poem I had written for her in 2007 had been a lifesaver: Hearing it, and seeing it framed and posted on our living room wall, had made her realize that she was far more important than she'd thought. That her worth was not truly measured by what she could do, but by what she was.

That afternoon, one fine summer day last year, she had been really down on herself, considering that she might just as well die, that she was nothing but a thorn in my side. I had to go to work right then, but produced a poem during my work shift which was just last week put to music.

Thus we illustrate The Second Face Of Love, the depth of commitment during sickness:

It is difficult to find words to wrap up this Hub. Why? Because once The Rose In My Heart song is "out there", there simply seems to be little more to say; the song sort of says it all.

One thing seems clear, though: Humanity cannot do without both faces of Love: The initial flash attraction...followed by the heart deep, bone deep commitment of standing as one through any and all trials and tribulations.

Thanks for reading,

Ghost32