"There were always in me, two women at least,

one woman desperate and bewildered,

who felt she was drowning and another who

would leap into a scene, as upon a stage,

conceal her true emotions because they

were weaknesses, helplessness, despair,

and present to the world only a smile,

an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest".

~Anais Nin

Throughout high school I was enthralled with everything about this enchanting woman. I had to know as much as possible. I had begun with the first volume of her abridged diary. I had read dozens upon dozens of books to date, and her writing was unlike anything I had ever experienced. It was evocative, sensual, intelligent and witty. The sensation derived from her words were like a security blanket, a guardian angel whispering comforting things to me in my ear at night before I nodded off with one of her works in my lap.

In high school I was rarely without a work of Anais Nin or Henry Miller. I am surprised with the fact that I never got in trouble for bringing such books to school, considering the content of some of the books that both authors had written, especially Miller.

As for Anais’s affairs, I could never understand how one could be analyzed properly if you are having an affair with the persons whom are analyzing you, but the story of Henry and June fascinated me. I was not interested in the story of how Anais was trying to seduce her own father and cousins; that did not sit well with me at all. Sexual attraction should not ever be directed towards someone you knowingly are related to, at least in my opinion. I was, however, haunted by the triangle of Henry, June, and Anais. It was such a complication of love, lust, discussion, writing, books, art, politics, religion, and psycho analysis. Henry Miller is no role model, neither is Anais in certain ways, but as far as literary inspiration was concerned, I had found it in them. I was amazed that the tradition of challenging social and cultural norms had run so far back into history. I’m sure it ran much farther back then those two, but Henry seemed to be able to write the exact thoughts I was having in my own day to day modern teenage existence. Difference feminism was a term that I spent much of my spare time researching. I would lose myself in the philosophies, theories, and rhetoric.

I ultimately decided that I would choose to follow the “integral complimentary”, now known as “new feminism”, was definitely my cup of tea.There was only really one thing that I agreed with when it came to new feminism: the idea of advocating the equal worth and dignity of both sexes. There is nothing wrong with supporting the “feminine genius as mothers and caregivers”, as John Paul II once called it, meaning, a woman who chooses to stay at home to take care of her child is not less than a woman who chooses to enter the workforce while raising their child. There is no manual to raising your child in the first place, so no one can truly say that either choice is good or bad, in the end.