Author's note: This is a novelette that will be broken up into several pieces due to its length. It is a humorous glimpse into the societal rules of a futuristic culture where everyone has something to hide.

“To allow one’s inner person to be exposed to anyone other than your most intimate is the gravest of social indignities. Exposure to your most intimate is the second gravest.”

- Madame Biella fra Tieken, Neluan Social Handbook, 107^th Edition

Sitting in the relative security of his bedroom, Biko Funderella cursed under his breath as he wrenched fiercely at the calf of his right leg with both hands. The foot on the affected body part was frozen pointing grotesquely downward, making it impossible to stand on. Normally, his forelimb attachments and work hands would easily have removed it, but this unexpected development appeared to be beyond its capabilities. He sat on the slick purple sheets of his bed, his body still quivering from his close call. He felt small claws automatically extract from the foot of his one good leg and dig into the blue-gray fur covering his floor in order to improve his stability.

Just my luck! This stupid part is stuck between the “lock” and “unlock” positions! As he struggled to coax the part to unlock, Biko mentally retrieved his equipment database within his electronically-enhanced memory and looked up the attachment: no previous problems. The record was displayed as though it floated at the top right of his field of vision in shades of olive green. Next, he mentally retrieved the incident correction database, quickly scrolling down to the troubleshooting section for “legs, below the knee” and began to follow the procedures described.

Nothing seemed to work: the Gaines Engineered Maneuver, the Sewell Articulated Removal, Neubert’s Grotesque Grope, and, finally, Brooksie’s Smoking Rupture. He had begun his search for removal techniques in the “Side effects - light to no damage” category and found that he had worked his way right up to the edge of the “destructive” category.

After exhausting all attempts to resolve the issue, the last technique left him standing on his remaining functioning limb, He then threw up his hands and fell forward, easily spinning around to sit in sad resignation on his bed and was hit with a cold recognition: he was staring at a full-blown Class II simple EMF (Equipment Malfunction or Failure). The offending lower leg sat there retaining its bent form, mocking him.

A lurch of nausea hit Biko in the stomach as he realized how close he had come to a publicly documented EMF. He had been just inside the door to his quarters when the EMF had struck causing him to lean against the wall momentarily to maintain balance. He had then sealed his door and hopped over to his bed, narrowly escaping notice by passers-by.

The family database (it automatically scrolled past his vision in shades of purple) had not one record of a documented Class II. If this had happened just a few minutes earlier while I was still at work! I’m having enough trouble being considered for advancement as it is! He shuddered.

An afterthought had called up the Neluan Social Handbook within his field of vision and it jumped immediately to the section on EMFs. It read as follows:

“Class III – The nature of the EMF can be corrected without exiting one’s Enhancement Encasement (EE) and its seriousness would easily allow one to remove oneself to a discreet location for exit and repair.

Class II – The nature of the EMF cannot be corrected without exiting one’s EE but its seriousness would possibly allow one to remove oneself to a discreet location for exit and repair.

Class I – The nature of the EMF can be corrected without exiting one’s EE but its seriousness would require immediate attention regardless of one’s location.

Class 0 – The nature of the EMF cannot be corrected without exiting one’s EE and its seriousness would require immediate attention regardless of one’s location.

Any failure detected and recorded by any other Neluan is classified as ‘documented’ and becomes a matter of public record. Any incident that can be kept out of public record is classified as ‘simple’ and resides in one’s own personal records only. In all class incidents, every effort should be extended to avoid detection of your EMFs by others, including deceit and/or deception.”

With an easy mental “push”, the incident including the time, date, details of attempted repair, equipment registry, etc., were automatically entered into an incident database that had existed from Biko’s birth. It went in as “Class II, simple” and he found himself reviewing the details for the lower limb: this had been the first incident with this piece of equipment and the record’s reassuring olive green status changed to a questionable amber. It also represented the scariest of situations: a piece of equipment with a good history from a reputable manufacturer going bad without warning. There had been no telltale signs such as sticking or squeaking or a loss of pressure on the seal or even a leak. This would put a ragged edge on the rest of his evening. Every part he owned now dropped subconsciously in value and reliability. All parts he owned made by the same manufacturer were automatically put on repair alert by his database.

Ignoring his queasy stomach, he looked up his now updated lifetime statistics: 57 Class III simple incidents, 2 Class III documented incidents (almost making him a social outcast in his own mind), 3 Class II simple incidents including tonight’s, and no Class I or 0 incidents. No one in his family as far back as the family database could recall (several hundred years) had ever had a Class I or 0. He choked back tears as he gave thanks for being able to make it back to his apartment when it happened. He managed to bathe in his own self pity, working up a slight emotional lather as he reminded himself of the rumors of society’s “upper crust” going through an entire lifetime without an incident in any class.

It was at this point that a small indication of the time appeared, flashing in the lower left hand corner of his vision causing him to panic: Andela would be here in five minutes!