Author's note: This is a novelette that will be broken up into several pieces due to its length. It is a humorous glimpse into the societal rules of a futuristic culture where everyone has something to hide.  This section continued from:

The Naked Truth- Part 7

This might as well be a coffin.  I am about to be involved in the biggest documented Class 0 in the history of the Nelua.  I might as well just lay here and die.  Phlegamon had planted a bug in his drink.  Biko stopped for a moment as he realized that Phlegamon would have to know that the bug would never get past his filters.  It had to have been there only to rattle him further.  It was his stupid decision, getting caught up in the celebratory atmosphere, to shut off all filters.  He just lay there laughing because he had thought to change his underwear that morning.  His mother would be proud of him in his clean underwear when his Class 0 was beamed into practically every Neluan living room.

When Biko’s EE had gone into EPPS, the attention had begun only at their table.  But when Greb jumped to the floor, attempting to talk to Biko through the EE’s hatch, the attention spread like a Jendaran wildfire until every table had a rumor of what was happening. 

The crowd stopped all activity related to data gathering and the Chief and every single SAU locked in on Biko’s table and was set to record as Neluans anticipated a major happening.  Seeing a Class 0 in one’s lifetime was considered a watershed event.  Unless, of course, it was happening to you.

The air began to grow stale in Biko’s nostrils.  He had made up his mind to let the EE be his final resting place and refused to move.  Opening that hatch would probably ruin any chance he had of any further advancement.  He might even have to work for Phlegamon.  He might not have a job!

Faintness touched his reality and he knew he was only moments away from suffocation.  He welcomed it.  Phlegamon had won and would have the hand of the fair Andela.  Biko was stupid and had lost and was paying the fair price for that stupidity. 

Biko lay there, happy in his decision when the hatch to the EE burst open and a rush of cool air and a mixture of smells flooded Biko’s senses.  Then he heard Greb’s voice, deep and slow and loud, and a giant, metal hand gently wrapped around his waist.  He heard Andela’s voice urging Greb to be careful and he felt himself being picked up and then lowered, dreamlike, onto their glaringly white table top.

Blast that Greb!  Why can’t he let me die in peace!  Now I will have to face the ultimate humiliation!  Screams of either agony or delight came from the fringes of Biko’s consciousness.  He felt a prod from a large, metal finger and heard Greb ask if he was okay.  He lay there in his clean, light gray, standard issue boxers and undershirt with his department’s markings on it and wanted to die.

If he jumped from the table, the fall might kill him and he raised his head slightly to gauge the distance to the edge, missing the laser distance estimator of the EE.  Greb’s visage appeared close to his face, “Biko!  Are you okay?  I couldn’t let you die in there!  What happened?”

The Chief, realizing that he had lost his audience, sent a probe over to the area that appeared to be the concentration of the interruption.  Unfortunately, the previous Jendaran sunrise program had ended and the house lights had dimmed automatically, anticipating his incredible holographic slide show.  The probe attempted to get closer but the Chief could still not see what was happening.

Biko got up on his knees and readied himself for a run and a leap off the table.  If it didn’t kill him, at least it would remove him as the center of attention.  Unfortunately, as he stood up, the Chief’s top-of-the-line probe cast an incredibly bright light right down on Biko.  There was a collective gasp including one from the Chief.  Biko froze and watched helplessly as his friends inadvertently blocked every avenue of escape for him as they crowded in to block everyone’s view.  The room became deathly quiet except for the hum of a thousand SAU’s recording forever this moment.

A long, low whistle appeared to reverberate around the room coming from nowhere and everywhere.  Biko thought it was the crowd beginning to react and then he realized it was the whistle of a single person.  Not just a person – it was the Chief.  Probably because they were witnessing the career suicide of one their peers, all persons remained quiet as the Chief’s whistle echoed into silence.  He shook his head slowly and the wingspan of a smile began to appear again.  His now huge holographic projection was only inches from Biko on the table and Biko watched with dread as the Sector Chief’s image appeared to look down upon Biko in judgment, a terrible smile sliding across the Chief’s face.

Finally, the Chief spoke, “Well, wrap me up in cellophane and spank me with a plasteel tennis racket!”  The crowd, still in shock, offered no response.  He continued,

“This has to be the first time in 107 years of giving this presentation that I have ever been upstaged!”  A few muted and nervous laughs could be heard trickling into the river of silence.  Biko could only stand there, frozen in the light.

“Also, in the 157 years of my life, I have never witnessed a Class 0.  Hell, I was beginning to think they’re impossible given the state of today’s technology and the level of quality of the EE’s that are out there!  Therefore, I am going to have to assume that this Class 0 was staged by someone that gets my vote for having the biggest balls this side of the Frill Comet!”  The last sentence came out as a yell and the Chief sucked heartily on his silver tube before belching louder than he had before.  The crowd erupted with delight.  “You even have on what appears to be clean underwear!  You had to have planned this!”  The crowd began to murmur agreement and heads began to nod around the room.

“Hell, I don’t wear underwear!” said the Chief as he sipped again and narrowed his focus on Biko.  It was strange having this large, disembodied head at the table looking squarely at him.  The crowd roared again.

“You might as well tell me your name, boy!  Hell!  It’ll be all over the tabloids by midnight!”  Greb, who was looking at Biko, reluctantly nodded and stated Biko’s name since Biko could probably not be heard without his VEM.