Like it or not, at nearly all girlie get- together, you'll hear about the evil mother-in-law (MIL) stories. Like how she criticised a dinner that took you five hours to make. Or how your taste in furniture is abysmal. Whine all you like, but once you're married to your man, like it or not, you're married to his mum too!

So what can you do to help restore peace and get along with his mum? Here are some pointers that might come in handy.

Starting Out On the Right Note

First impression is crucial. After all, this man you're dating is the same man your future MIL has been doting on. It is normal if they appear to be defensive and apprehensive with you initially as they would only want the best for their son.

To ensure the first meeting goes smoothly, talk to your man about his mum. Is she conservative? Is she a stickler for good manners? Is she against people wearing black? Take notes and execute them during that all-important "meet-the-parents' session".

"At my first meeting with my future MIL, had brought her favourite food as a gift. She was thrilled that I took the initiative to do that. Now five years down the road and happily married, my MIL loves me to bits and treats me like her own daughter. I am still convinced that it was that magical box of barbecued dried meat that did it," says Cheryl.

Communicating Right

Finding the right way to communicate with her plays a big part in establishing your relationship in the future. Say what you want to say clearly and neutrally on what you want in terms of boundaries in privacy. This will set the tone for the future and your MIL will know your limits and in time, respect your decisions.

Even if you don't speak the language she speaks, try to learn it. Even if it's bad, she will be able to see the effort put in by you to communicate with her.

Communication can be barred by years of hostility and people can get into patterns of rejection or irritation, so make sure you resolve problems quickly.

Compromise

Understand that when he marries you, your MIL's position changes from his number one woman to a less prominent position. It is only natural that she might feel defensive about losing her crown to her son's new Queen of Hearts.

Give her some time to come to terms with that. Be patient and hear her out. If she insists on spending the night over at your place during your wedding anniversary, it is time for you to arrange for a lunch meeting with her to trash things out, gently.

Let her know how you feel about the whole situation and ask her to understand you too. Reason with her and hopefully she will eventually understand.

Offence Is Not the Best Defence

According to Dr. Phil McGraw, relationship and life strategy expert, both parties will see things through a filter and it accumulates to the point where you are defensive towards everything. Do not be defensive and instead tread tactfully around her.

If you know she's the clean freak type, give your home a thorough wash before she comes over. This could avert a round of nagging. Also, don't be over sensitive towards her comments. Contrary to what you believe, she might not be really out to get you!

Look at it from her point of view. It might be hard for your MIL, experienced wife and mother, to see you doing things that she thinks are not right and just want to correct you.

Be Frank with Her

Honesty is really the best policy. For example, if you don't agree with the way your MIL is educating your child, it's time to pull her aside for a heart-to-heart. "I really didn't like the fact that she taught my 3-year-old child to say "pee-pee" instead of penis even after I have insisted that I would prefer to teach him the correct terminology. One day while having tea with her, I told her that I was unhappy," a 31-year-old housewife says.

"I was relieved when she immediately apologised for forgetting and told me she was glad I came clean to her instead of fuming underneath. That was the end of the issue and I'm glad I got it off my chest. I have now learnt to be honest with my in-laws," she added.

Telling her how you feel will also improve your communication with her, and a straightforward and honest relationship is the first step to getting along with her.

Before getting all riled up about your evil-in-law, take some time off and answer this simple quiz. If you say yes to more than half from this list, it's time for you to make some amends with your MIL.

• Do you mentally shut her off within five minutes whenever she starts talking about anything?
• Was the last time you seen and spoke to her more than a month back?
• Have you tried getting out of meeting her just because she commented on your dressing the last time you met up?
• Do you rather send your child to a babysitter because you cannot bear the thought that your child might be closer to grandma than to you?
• Have you told lies to your husband just to get out of going over to her place?