18th November '09

Dislikes

Single mothers, Jordan, spiders, Sales Reps, PC World, insecure BS-spouting people, ice, ultra-capitalism, D-list celebrities, T-Mobile, Orange, Rambo, The Goonies, people who hold a grudge, Ricky Gervais, the Playstation/2/3, people who think the iPhone is the best thing ever, Mcdonalds, saturates, big beards, y-fronts, pencils with shattered leads, fake "rappers", darts, overly-passionate football fans, baseball caps, people who regurgitate news stories as arguments, people who don't think, pregnant girls who smoke and/or drink, addicts, UK legal system, Jeremy Clarkson, poor computer keyboards, modern gaming, Radio 1, bad grammar, money, UK politics Sarah Palin, phonecalls, people who use/sponge, Facebook.

Likes

Comedy, Family Guy, beer, candles, drum 'n' bass, Chess, books, SNES, Gameboy, co-operation, writing, tea, space, Saturdays, football, boobs, moody grey days, England, Wales, slippers, YouTube, conspiracies (well, the truth anyway), Doom.

 28th Aug '09

I don't buy into media buzz and excitement.  Usually.  However, I must comment on two things; the Jordan/Katie Price vs Peter Andre debacle, and Big Brother.

Jordan is manufactured in EVERY sense of the word.  She is basically a frame to support and carry two large false breasts on; she has no other talents at all, made abundantly clear from her reality show with her then-husband Peter Andre.  Because she has big breasts, and men like big breasts, she has been encouraged by tabloids and "bloke mags" such as Zoo and Nuts to show and pose in sexual positions.  I'm a red-blooded male, but I am staggered by how much money and popularity Jordan/Katie Price has just for having breasts.  She's not known for facial looks or good diction/intelligence either, and her personality and behaviour does NOT suit someone who is, admittedly, a very famous/infamous public figure.

Take, for example, every time she has a documentary made about her.  She always ends up having a go at the trailing paps which has actually given her a very good and (arguably) undeserved income.  Take this attention away from her, and she would quickly fall into the shadows like so many Page 3 models before her.  Yet every time we do take an interest, we are justifying the money that she is paid to appear on the TV and in the media.  The irony of writing this in a advert-sponsored blog hasn't escaped me by the way.

Usually, "celebs" such as Jordan go un-noticed to me; however, I've been bemused by the obvious nervous breakdown Jordan is going through, fuelled by tabloid front pages aimed to intrigue and shock (I saw one that read "Pete was like a wife beater", which actually referred to a verbal argument they had which somehow meant Peter Andre was like a wife beater... yes, a very tenuous link).  I have been extremely surprised by how Peter Andre has composed himself throughout this break-up.  Jordan has reacted by drinking and going on holiday; Peter has reacted by distancing himself from the public eye and looking after his kids.  Without any intention to be cruel to Peter, his career has been small and overshadowed by Jordan's activities, yet her mud-slinging only enforces that Peter is the better personality and, in a sense, this split has done his career a lot of good (it's been announched that Peter has picked up a 6-figure contract as a TV reporter/presenter).

I am firmly in the Peter camp on this one.  Jordan will remain as a pair of breasts to display in tabloids, for the White Van Man to talk about over a bacon butty.  Peter, however, may become the next Jonathan Ross in british television.  He certainly has gained the "clean decent modern man" reputation that wholesome, family-orientated, Saturday night television historically employs.

On to Big Brother.  I don't like Big Brother because it celebrates the disruptive personalities in this country.  All the people picked to be in BB are picked because they are extreme, and unfortunately, "monkey see, monkey do".  Everyone goes in, then comes out expecting to be a star because they talked about how their feet itch when they stay in the shower for too long.  It's like X Factor; people see it as a way to make a fortune without much effort.  Or the expect to, except that it's not that simple.  The people who have come away from these reality shows and into a SUSTAINED career in showbiz have all had some talent anyway, not simply because we've seen them take a bath and eat with a bunch of strangers.

Anyway, I'm glad that BB is being axed; it's not contributed anything to further our cultural development, but added another pop reference in an already-full mix of useless pop references.  The most memorable moments for me was the Jade Goody over-the-top media circus over a possible racist remark (made by a proven ill-educated girl anyway), and Marcus.  Marcus has been evicted as I write this, yet he is probably the funniest person that has graced BB, and the most entertaining.  Is that not what TV is supposed to be; entertaining?  I hope to see Marcus on TV again soon; everyone else that has appeared on BB this season are empty, poorly-educated, self-serving, attention-hungry zombies that we have come to know and, in a "devil you know" way, love.  

26th Aug '09

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. At 29. I've suddenly taken a liking to collecting retro items that I used to have or want; I've got an extensive collection of old consoles and games (Megadrive, Gameboy, Master System, Mega CD, N64, Dreamcast to name a few). I;ve also taken to collecting old books that I used to have too, especially the Garfield and Ladybird books.

Is this natural? If I had the money and time, I'd start re-collecting the old Star Wars and Transformers toys too, but my life is pretty packed as it is. Is it possible that I'm trying to buy my childhood back? Or maybe (and more likely, according to my psychiatrist that I just made up) toys of the 80's and 90's were so much better than toys of today? Yeah, that must be it.

What toys do I refer to? Well, let's have a quick recap:

Garbage Pail Kids cards GPK cards were collectible cards that depicted a cartoon character with a twist. The characters were all "grim", a bit off-beat or just plain disgusting, and named appropriately. For example, one of the most famous was Adam Bomb, a small child pressing a remote detonator and a mushroom cloud coming out of his skull. Other memorable examples were Up Chuck (small child throwing up over his toys), Leaky Lou (a baby full of holes drinking a glass of water) and Nasty Nick (a vampire). Each series had an A and B card - this was two cards with the same drawing but different names; inevitably, this resulted in a "poor cousin" card - Blasted Billy was the unfortunate variant of Adam Bomb. I love these, and I absolutely adore Topps for allowing them to go online! Yes, you can view EVERY single card online! The link is below, but it is a poor substitute for the actual feel and bubblegum smell of the cards. Go to eBay and pick up a complete pack.

Transformers I was mildly disappointed by the recent resurrection of Transformers; the new films are OK but the animators have gone overboard with the intricate detail of the robots. My old art teacher slapped me once for piling on detail - I can see why now. The old Transformers were perfect; they were solid-looking, bulky and angular, which made their ability to turn into something else nothing short of miraculous. They were built for boys by boys (probably). I mean - the robots (robots are cool) turned into cars, planes, guns, tanks, dinosaurs, bigger robots...even the space shuttle. A UFO and a train even made an appearance. The toys themselves came with a heat-sensitive sticker that, when rubbed a bit, displayed whether the robot was Decepticon or Autobot. They had detatchable guns and rockets too, but these always got lost (well, mine did), and the idea that these kick-ass robots could transform (hence the name - clever, eh?) into a racing car or an airplane meant that they were two toys in one. I defy ANY MAN ALIVE not to like Transformers. Uttely bloke-ish and utterly cool. BTW, I could never get my hands on a Soundwave toy. My father scoured the toy shops far and wide one Christmas (this was pre-Internet too).

He-Man I should never have liked He-Man (especially when I was playing with Transformers at the time) but something about muscle-clad men knocking 7 bells of crap out of each other appealed to my 5 year-old mind. Not surprisingly, I also liked WWF wrestling back in the day too. Anyway, the He-Man toys were fantastic; they looked exactly like their cartoon equivalents and were large & bulky. They also came with a glow-in-the-dark (the Bluetooth of the 80's in terms of bloke appeal) ring and a small comic book. He-Man was the old-world Superman of the 80's; secret identity, incredible strength, overly moralistic messages. Oh, and not forgetting Man-At-Arms' little "We've had a lot of fun today, but..." speech at the end of every episode.

Nintendo Gameboy See my hub about the Gameboy. Let's just say that for a 4-colour black-and-white LCD game unit, it was unbelievable.

Sega Megadrive One word; Sonic. Mario definitely had lasting appeal but, considering the technical specs of the Megadrive against the SNES, Sega really extracted as much "gaming" out of this poor 16-bit console as possible. And it wasn't just Sonic; NHLPA Hockey '93, Thunder Force 4, Cyborg Justice, Micro Machines, Flashback - all giants of their day.

Soda Stream Sometimes, when I drink some cheap cola, I am reminded of the Soda Stream. It was a unit where you purchased a CO2 canister for it, a syrup mixture of, say, cola or Cream Soda, filled up a glass bottle full of water, and zap! Carbonated drink. Unfortunately, it was a LOTY of effort for something that tasted a bit crap. However, still great!

Garfield  I loved Garfield - I tried to collect as many books of Garfield as possible and had a couple of videos (The 7 Lives of Garfield was a bizarre story; frankly a bit scary for children expecting mild laughs).  The thing about Garfield is that it was comfort humour; it wasn't rude, it reminded you that the world did work, everyone has their own "way", and left out all the scary bits to boot.

Count Duckula  With the voice of David Jason, Count Duckula was a surprisingly good cartoon series.  It was about a vegetarian vampire duck, living in a castle in Transylvania, trying to avoid the nasty bits of being a vampire.  His butler always tried to get him to become more blood-thirsty, which resulted in hilarious consequences.  It was quite funny, and a good vampire parody too.

Star Trek - The Next Generation  This is the next Star Trek series after the original Kirk and Spock ones.  It is frankly amazing; first shown in 1987, the computer graphics still stand up to modern effects (although some episodes do have the polystyrene rocks and camp fights in them).  As well as some awesome episode plots (I think the Borg episodes won a Grammy ro Emmy or something), Patrick Stewart makes this show; as Captain Picard, his performances are splendid.  There is a clip on Youtube of him singing "A you're adorable" around the bridge of the Enterprise, which is pretty funny.  The rest of the cast do their job well; Brent Spiner (Data the android) is spot-on hit and wild-swing miss though, but otherwise beats the hell out of all the other Star Treks (bar the later series of Voyager).  

Not to be confused with the Airbus 320 (yep, they are both white), the Dingoo A-320 is marketed as a media and games console. It features the ability to play its own 3D games, NES, SNES, Gameboy Advance, Megadrive/Genesis and some Capcom arcade ROMS too.

It also has an in-built radio that DOESN'T require a headpiece plugged in to pick up stations, the ability to play MP3s, AVIs, MPEGs, RMs and even RVBR files! Unusually, it comes with two headphone jacks and a MiniSD card slot. It has a generous 4Gb on onboard storage memory too. Pretty good, huh?

The Dingoo should be wonderful, and in some respects, it is. However, there are some small faults which stop this becoming a replacement for all my portable media devices.

First; the LCD screen. It's clear and it's bright. However, they have installed it the wrong way round. The only way I can describe it is through experiences with laptop LCD screens. If you view an LCD screen from an angle above the centre, the whole screen looks dark. View it from below the centre, it looks bright. The Dingoo screen has been fitted so that if you view it from the left, it looks bright but from the right, looks dark. Due to your eyes looking at the screen at slightly different angles horizontally, each eye views the screen at a different brightness. The overall effect is that the image is a little hard to look at. Rotate the unit 90 degrees and you'll immediately notice the difference.

Secondly, the volume is way too quiet. The speakers are situated along the bottom edge, which isn't a bad idea. They simply don't have enough power to hear anything. On the big plus side, it is absolutely ideal for those who have a phono jack in their car. The music playback has a lot of graphic equaliser options and 3D effects which are only noticeable when listened through headphones or external speakers.

Next, the choice in SD card is a limiting factor. MiniSD cards are fast becoming rare and obselete. The only reason I have many is due to my Athena and old Trinity taking them. However, a good 4Gb of onboard storage does make this point a little mute, but this depends on your media requirements.

My only other gripe is the emulators. The SNES emulator is poor at best, playing most ROMs too slow or with sound glitches. Oh, and forget playing anything that had a Super FX chip; the emulator does not like it at all. The Megadrive emulator is totally unuseable with anything that moves fast (so all the Sonic games are useless). The Gameboy Advance emulator though is pretty much spot-on and comes shipped with some clone games of more popular (read copyrighted) titles. The Capcom emulator is hit-and-miss. I have an extensive MAME collection, with only a couple of titles actually able to play in the format that MAME can play them in. There is a conversion process, but a device should be able to handle files without conversion in order to be useful (incidentally, this is why I don't like the iPod).

Otherwise, what a great little unit! Small, light but solid.  I felt slightly disappointed by the quality of the packaged emulators - I'm a great fan of the 16-bit consoles and had visions of loading this device up with all my ROMs. Alas, not really the case. However, there is hope in the homebrew scene. Since this unit is open, there are some projects that are promising other emulators for this unit (a ZX Spectrum emulator for one). There is also a Linux operating system available for the Dingoo called Dingux, but it isn't of much use really - you'll need the Dingoo connected to the PC in order to boot it, which takes away the "portable" bit of this "portable system".

If you like alternative gadgets and quirky systems, give this a try. Otherwise, you'll probably be better off with a PSP.

26th July '09

My friend Tom is leaving work this Friday. Not known him long, but he is a good lad and a great laugh. He emailed me yesterday; most people bring in cakes and sausage rolls on their last day. Not Tom. He's preparing a big tub of homebrew for everyone, and he enclosed the above picture as proof.

I think I'll be leaving the car at home Friday.

23rd July '09

Here's something that surprises most people; I used to be a Chair of Governors for a primary school at the age of 28. I don't have any kids, so people would ask why would I want to be a governor, let alone be the Chair?

My childhood was the happiest days of my life; cliche'd, but true. I remember the innocence of youth, the simple joy in riding a bike up and down the same street constantly, or searching for frogs, or Toy Day in school. I don;t see kids having the same upbringing that I had; we were far from wealthy, but it was the care and (sniff) love that made my childhood really happy. Some of that came from the school; for example, one of our teachers organised a rainforest concert. We spent months rehersing and singing the words. We even had a few solo attempts. I even remember some of the choruses - and this was a concert we sang 22 years back! It gave us a bigger understanding of the world, which is fascinating in that it's more relevant today than 22 years ago. That was brilliant. Another thing was a volleyball tounament. Volleyball? Ppfff. It's for girls, we all thought as we kicked the football around in the playground like manly men. Two weeks later, we had 4 teams established and were volleyball mad. We came 1st and 2nd (I was in the latter team) in the region as a result of our efforts. It was awesome, and all because of our school and its teaching staff organising such a thing. I thought by becoming a CoG, I could steer the school into doing something similar for the kids of today. However, I soon found out that the problems of today aren't going to be easily remedied by sports.

I see 9 years old with knowledge about violence, drugs, and in some cases sex. I see kids in pubs until closing time because their parents are having a good time drinking. I see single mums offloading their kids on grandparents so they can go out on the town trying to get laid. Society is literally in a bad way. Kids are growing up with "learning problems" which are simply a lack of support from the parents; the schools are in the best shape ever. The pupils and parents aren't.

I have a few true experiences with the parents - obviously, the names of the people will be changed to protect everyone, but it does highlight why I hate the majority of single mums (SMs).

The first experience is a girl called S. She was always a bit of a bar fly in our local pub. She had a kid that went to the school thjat I was CoG for. She was constantly pushing for the kid to be diagnosed with special needs, but the teaching staff at the school weren't convinced; he was simply boss-eyed, sometimes almost sleepy, but otherwise of average intelligence. Since the community is pretty-much a big gossip mill, reports of her going to the pub most nights started. Very quickly, everyone put two and two together and realised that she was taking her kid to the pub most nights and keeping him up until at least 11pm, meaning that he was so bloody sleepy that he couldn't take anything in. The amazing thing was that the father of the child was a really decent man; it was her that was dictating the shots for the kid, because she would get the child benefit money for him if she had custody. Whether it was spent on him is extremely dubious, considering the legs-open, drink-till-I'm-easy lifestyle she was leading.

Anyway, one Saturday night me and a few friends were in my local pub, when S walked in with her kid in tow. He had a ball, and wanted her to play with him which, after the third request, earned him a good shouting at. Good parenting? A few raised eyebrows from all. Anyway, he came to our table and asked me to play. So we spent about 10 minutes chucking the ball to each other. At the start, he couldn't catch but after 10 minutes of "hold your arms out and close them...NOW!" from yours truly, he started getting the gist of it. S walked past, and in a completely innocent voice, said "See? That's all he needs; someone to spend some time with him". My best mate knows my views on Single Mums and held down my shoulder immediately, just in case I went to whack her. If I was a more violent person, I would have at least shaken her; she is his MOTHER - SHE is the one that should be spending time with him, not a relative stranger in a pub!

Unfortunately, this isn't an isolated incident; many many single mothers operate just like this; putting their need to go out and "party" above their responsibilities.

My next example is a girl I dated briefly. When getting to know her, I sensed SM immediately, and not just a silly one; this one had Loon written all over her. I went there though, and found out that this was THE SM. With no job, she fell pregnant to a man who was also unemployed. Sensing that this was the right time to bring an extra mouth into the world, she fought everyone for the right to have this kid. Predictably, the man dumped her and she was left to offload the kid onto her parents, grandparents and friends everytime she felt stressed. Smoking constantly through her pregnancy, she was distraught to discover that the child has learning difficulties for no reason. With life not going to her carefully-laid plans, she evades going to work by claiming depression and then claiming for disability benefit, jobseeker benefit, child benefit, and every other benefit she can. This was my briefest relationship ever. I suppose I am really good with kids because, well, I can be quite childish too! The kid was pretty smart but was simply bored to death, and therefore would lash out. 15 minutes of playing in the garden, he was right as rain. I quickly found that I was expected to bring this kid up as my own; to cloth, teach, take everywhere and also taxi and pay for the mother. She couldn't be bothered to bring up her own kid so was looking to offload him on someone else, a sucker father. Love and relationship would have been a byproduct, if at all. I left her to it.

I quickly start encountering a lot of SMs when out on the dating scene, and a lot of them are in the benefits game. Not many are working, and even fewer seem interested in working or a career. If they were using their time to bring up their kids well, then I would have give them my blessing, as bringing up a respectable member of society is a noble-enough act. But nope.

They were bad parents. Ooo, that's fighting talk - which I soon found out. One of my ex-friends' girlfriends was a typical SM, but was trying to go to work (albeit on her own ridiculous terms - she was demanding something like 2 hours a day for the same wage as a full-time worker). However, she was bringing her kid into the pub on a weekend to listen to the swearing and rough talk, to breath in the smoke (at the time, smoking indoors was permitted all those years ago) and to be tired all the time. In my peak as a CoG, I confronted her one night as the kid was obviously irritable and restless, and as such making a nuisance of himself. I called her a bad parent, and she flipped out. That phrase just stabs mothers where it hurts, regardless of whether they are good or bad parents. I tried to prove to her that she was a bad parent:

• Good parents don't bring their kid up in a pub,
• Good parents don't keep their kid up until 11pm every night,
• Good parents don't swear at their kid,
• Good parents don't subject their kid to environments that has people swearing, smoking, and talking of adult things,
• Good parents listen to their children read/do homework after school,
• Good parents don't give their children alcohol,
• Good parents don't smoke during the pregnancy.

I said the above to her in an "assertive" tone. Some of her replies were:

• Why should I put my life on hold just because I have a kid? I'm entitled to go out and enjoy myself.
• School is supposed to teach kids how to read and write,
• What's wrong with the pub?
• Kids need to learn about things such as sex and drugs.

This brings me to the nub; everyone is always talking about teaching kids about the dangers of drugs, knife crime, about not hitting people, and so on. The kids aren't the problem; they are only the result of a bad upbringing. The parents are the ones that need to be educated not to stab, rob and spend all day claiming benefit, smoking weed and being a general menace. It is literally "monkey see, monkey do". You can spend millions of pounds trying tro educate children, but if they see mummy bringing a different man back to the house every weekend, swearing, drinking, smoking, claiming benefits, taking drugs, shouting and abusing people, robbing and stealing when they need something, they are going to think that this is acceptable behaviour and grow up doing exactly this. The circle is perpetual, and won't be broken.

Studying the children in a classroom tells volumes about the parent(s). Sometimes, it's not exactly subtle. On Monday mornings, one class would do a "Show 'n' Tell" about what they did during that weekend. Most kids would have a trip to the zoo to talk about, or a sport that they took part in. Every Monday, one particular kid would tell this story EXACTLY:

"On Friday, we went to the pub, and on the way home, we got some chips. On Saturday, we went to the pub, watched the football, went home, had chips, then went up the pub again, then on the way home, we got some chips. Sunday, we went to the pub, had dinner, then on the way home, had chips" This kid would spend all weekend up the pub with his parents whilst they got drunk. Every night. He wouldn't see his friends, or do any homework, or even have a nutritious diet because his parents felt it more important to go drinking. He wasn't important to them. He was a mistake that they were trying to ignore. When he grows up, is he going to be a stable individual, or will he have emotional issues that will come out through his fists?

It's ironic; our technology is ever-improving, but our society is slipping back into the primordial soup from where it came. There isn't a one-shot answer to the whole problem, but educating the parents is going to be the first step.

I came across an awkward experience today. A few weeks back, I was asked whether I could look after a work experience kid for the day - show him how IT underpins everything going on, how we operate, the usual stuff. He was your typical 15 year old; unenlightened, average and, it turns out, a focal point for everyone else's viewpoint. At dinnertime, I took him out for a bite to eat. Bearing in mind that the area is very cosmopolitan, I park up and we walk to a restaurant. He decides to tell me, at full volume, his views on ethnic minorities (including inappropriate words). We attract many funny looks, but he doesn't care/mind and carries on. After what seems like an eternity of my cheeks burning with embarrassment, we get to the restaurant and I gently enquire why he doesn't like other races. Verbatim, he replies "Oh, I'm not racist". It's comparable to repeatedly slashing someone with a knife then professing to not liking violence.

I'm properly confused, but then I realise that this 15 year old is a product of all the years of TV, his father's "old-fashioned" viewpoints, an education system that is now helpless to try teaching a more gentle moralistic attitude (for fear of offending a very select few) and a society that protects criminals moreso than the victims. He relates a story where he resists arrest for loitering, knowing full-well that the police can't do anything to him regardless of how far he pushes them. This is a generation that has a hatred for other races because they are different, but thinks he isn't racist because racists aren't liked. There isn't anything to link the two in his mind. He celebrates the football thugs who apparently "carry two riot police on each arm because he's so hard". He worships the kids who put theirselves into hospital by drinking three litres of cider.

This is the zombie generation that we have created through severe adverts and ever-realistic TV shows. He is the by-product of shying away from difficult cultural issues and pandering to the ill-educated amongst us that wave their vision of racial harmony like a club. Equality should be an assumed right, but when a racial problem starts, people either ignore it or condemn it. The Jade Goody incident was so over-blown by the media, I felt sorry for all involved. Again, people jump on the emotional bandwagon without really knowing where it's going and why they are on there.

Equality? No; that is a product, a result of action. People should instead be asking for education, because through knowing comes understanding, reasoning, THEN equality. All the computers in the world can't teach these 15 year old the kind of education they are lacking; moral fibre in their diet.

 Poor Newcastle United fans; first they get relegated, then they are being subjected to "surprise sex" attacks by zebras.  Well, at least something likes their football team at the moment...

An absolutely corking story from the wacky world of IT. Earlier this week, the building manager for our head office turned up for work to find a big black cat splatted on the road outside of the gates. Feeling very sorry for this poor creature, he opened up the building, found a big empty Dell laptop box and scooped the remains of this cat into it, then sealed the box. Then he called the council who said that they would pick it up later. He put the box outside of the main gates so that it could be collected.

Later on, one of the back-office boys was driving into the car park when he saw a Dell laptop box outside of the gates. Cursing all lazy negligent couriers, he retrieved the box, took it back into the office and placed it on the desk of the female purchaser. When she got to her desk a little later, she saw the new laptop on her desk so opened it up.

Isn't eBay a wonderful thing? An online car boot sale that takes credit cards. Whilst sat waiting for a computer to reboot, I remembered a book that I absolutely adored; Robbers and Robots. It was a "choose your own adventure" book about a kid and a robot fighting an old man and a robot; harrowing stuff, as you can imagine. A few clicks on eBay and voila! £2.45 secured me a well-thumbed copy. Hmm - what about all the other books I used to have?

Two hours later, I had bought three Fighting Fantasy books (House of Hell, Robot Commando and Starship Traveller). a Gameboy Classic with Tetris and Super Mario Land, a complete collection of Garbage Pail Kids series 1 cards and placed bids on a fair few 1980s Transformers. The disappointing thing is that I have owned ALL of these books and "collectibles" before. My toys of yesteryear become my eBay purchases in later life. Is it worth buying up a load of unopened Wii consoles and keeping them for 20 years?

Talking of which, how much would an unopened Wii be worth in 20 years? I used to have Optimus Prime as a toy - must have cost my parents £20 back in the early 80's. I saw a pristine Prime for £600 on eBay. For 20 years worth of investment, doesn't seem like much of a return. However, you would have a pristine 20 year old iconic toy to show for it.

 It's a day after The King of Pop's memorial service, and the papers seem to be desperately trying to entice tears from people using Michael's children - Paris in particular.  Never heard of her before.  The Jacksons are a very strange and tragic family, Jermaine especially.  I think they were born into a time when the media were a lot more forgiving and less intrusive, and I think this is where MJ's problems originated from.  He didn't have this tarnished world view in his mind - his vision was actually pretty pure, but sadly this is a massive flaw when living in the media's full view.  So, when he started visiting his children-friends, the parents probably received some very "american" advice from a lawyer and, egged on by the ever-vigilent media circus, went after some of his money.  I was dismayed to discover that Latoya spoke out against him when the child molestation allegations were going on, then afterwards blamed "her controlling husband".  Imagine how Michael felt, knowing that even his family were turned against him. 

I was very surprised to see a great video clip of a ghost in the Neverland Ranch.  People have started to discount it as the shadows of the film crew or light.  This "thing" makes a reflection on the floor.  Enough said; it's real.  It may or may not be Jackson's ghost, but it's definitely something supernatural.

Anyway, back to MJ.  I think he was just a very vulnerable, horrendously misguided, and hugely talented individual.  I;m not going to descend into a "will miss you forever Michael" rant; I absolutely abhor this kind of false public grief that a lot of people seem to take great delight in dragging out when a celebrity dies.  Take the absolutely shameful displays of "sorrow" when Princess Diana died.  No-one could give a damn about her when she was alive and doing great humanitarian work, yet everyone jammed up radio phone lines and text messaging centres detailing how she was "their queen of hearts".  Yes, it was a great tragedy, but I think it's despicable that people use these tragedies to fulfill a selfish need to look sensitive.  Care, but care correctly and privately.

I will remember Michael Jackson for his music.  He tried to generate a little understanding and caring in the world; take "Earth Song", "Heal the World", and "Man in the Mirror" as examples of these efforts.  He also made pop music without being generic or "cheesy" - in the UK, all his greatest singles entered the charts after his death.  It was the first time in ages that some originality could be heard in an otherwise plastic and lacklustre top 40. 

Strangely, I will also remember Michael Jackson because of Bo Selecta's impression of MJ.  It's actually not insulting to Michael, but really hilarious.  YouTube it.

Someone mentioned that, with the death of Michael Jackson, my generation has lost its Elvis Prestley.  Oh no, we lost a lot more than that.

I'm a bit of an anxious person. "About what?" I hear you exclaim. Well, here's a list!

1. The earth. Do you know how fast the earth is spinning? About 1,000mph. Imagine how fast that looks like if in a car. That is how fast you're going ALL DAY, and there's sod-all you can do about it.

2. Asteroids. Lumps of rock hurtle through the air every day. There's been reports of huge fireballs raking the sky, only to explode harmlessly in the air. However, one could come thorugh the atmosphere, right above where you are now, smash through the roof of your house and kill you. Thinking bigger, a large piece of iron could come screaming through space and land a few miles away from you, creating a massive megaton explosion. You think anyone would see it before it hit? Hell - we need to examine the light from suns in order to see an actual planet-sized rock, and that's only over a long period of time; what chance have we got seeing a lump of rock a kilometre wide?

3. Aliens. They are here, and governments will do pretty much anything to stop the technology and evidence going public. They can manipulate matter, minds, and space. They could come into your home, take all of your family members, chop bits out, give them cancer, then release them again without you ever knowing. Once they get bored of humans or get what they want, we will become a slave race.

4. Aeroplanes. If you're flying in an aeroplane and something goes wrong, you have little hope of getting out alive. You're travelling through the air due to a difference in air flow along the relatively delicate wings. You are going just below the speed of sound. You are thousands of feet above the ground. There is a massive tornado following you that, if you were to attempt to jump out, would tear your body to bits.  You're being flown in a metal tub that is owned by a company that is constantly cutting costs.  Enjoy your holiday.

5. Illness. There's no known cure for a lot of common diseases, such as HIV and cancer. Other diseases and conditions can strike without much warning; conditions of the heart, liver, diabetes, brain tumours... the list is endless. The treatments are limited.

6. Death. All those ideas, skills, feelings, and memories will just disappear when you die. You WILL die, and it'll be extremely painful and panicky, regardless of how you go.

7. Guns. A bullet is a small piece of metal, the modern equivalent of monkey faeces if you think about how we take great delight in chucking them at each-other. A bullet can do enormous damage to the human body. In the right place, a bullet can make the head explode.

8. Nuclear war. We've never been too far from the wrong end of a fission reaction. The amount of warheads in the world at the moment is staggering - if properly placed, you could cover the entire earth with nuclear blasts using about 60. There's thousands in existence! If all hell were to break loose, you'd either be vaporised in a blast, suffer a painful and long death through radiation exposure, or eaten by cannibals when society falls.

9. Lightning. Lightning is actually hotter than the sun. Yes - the massive nuclear explosion going on above our heads is a lukewarm puddle compared to a lightning bolt. Lightning can strike at anytime, anywhere. Hundreds of bolts hit the ground every day. You could be next. A shock from an electric plug at a few amps can stop your heart; a bolt of lightning will stop your skin from holding in your organs.