Unwritten Rules of Social Organizations

How many of you reading this article are involved in politics? OK. Let me ask another way.... How many are involved in social organizations? PTA? Cub Scouts? Girl Scouts? Church? Any Board of Directors? Neighborhood Associations? Preschool Associations? Have a job? Have a network of friends? Do you ever come out of your house? Do you participate in chat rooms? If you answered yes to any of these questions, let's find out what that means for you and why you should care.

In each and every group of human beings, there is a pecking order, if you will. There is a hierarchy of leadership, from the top, on down. Depending on the size of the organization, you might have a single leader, or a couple of co-leaders supporting the head honcho.

You need to learn the politics of the various social organizations in which you belong, in order to succeed. Those that jump in too abruptly, try to take control too early, or do not give appropriate deference to the elders, risk being ignored or shunned from the group, with devastating consequences. Not only are there written rules, but most often, there are unwritten directives for the group that all within are expected to know and follow.

At a job, you're expected to know whether the management really allows employees to take breaks and vacations as often as the employee handbook may state is allowed. If you are a new employee, you are best advised to lay low and wait for some time before taking advantage of perks allegedly provided by your company. You'll want to see what unwritten rules apply, if any.

A huge mistake that I have witnessed in the workplace has to do with the use of humor. Forwarding email jokes is probably not a good idea at work. Not only is it against the rules, but if a co-worker is offended, you may land in some definite hot water. Likewise with telling off-color jokes in person. It may sound like you can't have any fun at work, but certainly you have friends outside your company that you can laugh with during the day. Bottom line: Don't risk it.

At the PTA, and other volunteer organizations, make sure that you are prompt at every meeting and pull your weight with regard to setting up and breaking down the tables and chairs. Offer to bring snacks, or at least ask what the arrangements are, if you are new. Watch, listen and learn. Don't offer suggestions based on your last organizational experience for at least 3 meetings. Trust me. Just wait until people are used to your presence.

You may find that the leaders in charge like to hear themselves talk. That may be true, but they've earned that right by being elevated to a leadership position. If and when you get that role, you can listen to yourself talk too.

Just as it is bad form to arrive late, you should not sneak off early. If you cannot stay for the entire meeting, then call ahead (at least 4 hours ahead of time) and offer a very good reason why you cannot be there. Most definitely do not cancel your appearance at the next meeting. Otherwise, you might as well hand in your membership card.

Be familiar with the rules of online chat rooms and forums before you jump in and start making an a** of yourself. But even if you know the rules, some novices or newbies charge in, offering all sorts of opinions and advice to the other participants on the board. Of course, this is disruptive to the people that know each other and have developed a report. You should wade in slowly, as if into a chilly swimming pool. The existing members of the chat room or forum will be cautiously receiving you in just that way. Offer neutral comments to start for a few days. Don't spam. Don't get too controversial. Don't be too chummy. Before long, you can actually be buddies with some of the people in the room or forum. But you have to give it time, just like in the "real world."

Each organization will differ, because the participants (and the dynamics of the group) are individualized. For this reason, one really cannot write a one-size-fits-all guide for success in each type of social organization. However, the general rules above can help. You'll just have to get in, slowly, and see how the leadership in your particular organization is managing the group. Don't get too discouraged. After all - leadership and structural change can come about. You might just be the one to start that ball rolling!