STUPID!

You are so LAZY...and dumb on top of that!

As a society in general I don't think we really understand the power of the spoken word. Many of us push our children to succeed in school and we go out of our way to make sure they have access to all the educational opportunities we didn't always have; yet, if they do something we don't like, many times in our frustration we say things like "Stupid kid! What's wrong with you?" Even though we don't mean it (hopefully), we get caught up in the moment and the mouth overrides the brain.

I remember playing basketball with my younger sister when I was about nine and my mom came outside to watch us. A few minutes later I heard her break out in laughter and then she said, "Geez honey, you are so uncoordinated!" Although she was laughing and probably didn't mean to hurt me, do you know that 20 plus years later I still remember that incident? In fact, I never joined any type of sports in school because I didn't want anyone else to find out how uncoordinated I was! I chose, instead, to excell in academics.

This perception of myself didn't change until my mid-twenties when I started dancing with a Polynesian performance group. Joining the group was way outside of my comfort zone, but one of the lead dancers was a friend from church and she managed to coax my sister and I into attending a practice session. We were hooked from the first moment! Since that day, we have traveled to two other states and had the opportunity to dance throughout Washington as well.

The whole dancing experience taught me two important things: first, what others say to us (especially those we look up to) has the power to influence what we think we can and cannot do. Secondly, we also have the power to re-program our thinking, either for good or bad. Mom was an avid supporter of our dancing and she loved watching us so much that she wanted to learn with us. I remember one day trying to teach her some basic dance steps and I chuckled inwardly as I saw who the uncoordinated person was. Of course I only encouraged her but my point is, children tend to have a skewed version of the world. Parents shape their children and their thinking with their words (both said and unsaid) and their actions (both what is done and what is not done).

THE HARVARD STUDY

I remember hearing over the radio a few months ago about this study that was done at Harvard. They took a group of young, average students and told them they were chosen to be in this group because they were above average students. When they tested the children at the end of this study, researchers found that the subjects scored higher than their average counterparts. Isn't interesting that our words have the power to influence one's potential?

BEN CARSON

Another example of the power of words (and actions) is an autobiography of Ben Carson that I read years ago. What impressed me the most was that his single mother worked multiple jobs to care of her kids but she was very involved with their schooling. She required her kids to read books and turn in a weekly book report to her. it wasn't until years later that they found out that their mother was illiterate. Isn't it fascinating that she didn't allow her own limitations to determine what her children were capable of? Today her children are successful in their respective fields and Ben Carson is one of the top neurosurgeons in the world.

In short, I guess my whole point for this hub is to encourage others to choose their words carefully when talking to anyone they are in relationship with but especially with children. Words really do carry a lot of power and if we all do our part to raise a generation of confident achievers, the possibilities are endless.

To learn more about Ben Carson's book, visit this link. It's an awesome book!

Ben Carson