There have been many men who have joked about their mother-in-laws, mostly in good natured fun but I have been blessed to have the best mother-in-law ever and could never joke or make light of her person. She has been a mom to me over the years, encouraging me when I was down often telling me,"You're a good man," and meaning it from her heart.We rarely ever went for a visit ( our visits were at least a couple of times each week ) that when we were leaving, she loaded our car with fresh vegetables when in season, or canned goods she thought we might just be able to use just to cut the grocery bill or maybe a package of fresh sausage or some tenderloin from the hog that had been recently slaughtered.

I was a lucky soul and married a country gal who was the seventh in a family of ten boys and four girls. My mother-in-law by virtue of such a large family was an excellent manager and taught her children to be good managers, saving and not wasting anything. She even saved those little bread bag ties, and all the grocery store plastic bags. One could make a good case that she was a pack rat hoarding things she might later find a use.

After most of the children had married and left home, her husband was severely burned on his feet and legs while burning some trash and she took care of him. He was also a diabetic and she learned to administer his insulin shots, which he hated.She was a faithful mother, wife, and nurse to him until his death in 1990. Shortly after the death of her husband, she moved into her own mothers home who now suffered from Alzheimers disease.She cared for her until she passed away and continued to live alone in this house which became hers as an inheritance.

She was from the old school and had birthed 14 children. seven of which were delivered at home by a mid-wife. Even after all this child bearing she was still slim and trim and an attractive lady for her years. About six years ago she was diagnosed with dementia. The doctors told the family she needed more interaction with family members and friends, it would be therapeutic. the girls had decided to go and get her at least once a week and bring her to thieir homes for a nice mother-daughter day. they would make sure she had a nice bath, do her hair and nails and have a special time with a meal.

The youngest  daughter was first and all went well, she seemed to enjoy the one on one time. My wife wa the second and the day she brought her down she gave her a nice bath and fixed her hair, and we shared a wonderful meal. My wife was going to let her help make some apple butter following lunch.I had gone to the living room to read the newspaper but could hear the convesation coming from the kitchen.

My wife told her mom,"Here' a knife and you can begin to peel some apples if you want to and I will get the crock pot ready and some of the spices." Suddenly, my mother-in-law who was sitting on a kitchen bar stool fainted. I ran into the kitchen in time to keep her from falling onto the floor, she had gone totally unconcious. My son who had been sleeping in his bedroom ( he worked evenings and slept during the day) was summonsed to help. He is in the fire department and has some EMS training. We called 911 and soon the EMt's arrived and she was transported to the hospital. She had begun to revive but her blood [pressure was still very low. She was examined and kept over night for observation. The doctors could find no medical reasons for her sudden loss of blood pressure. They seemed to think it was caused by the medications she had been given for her recently diagnosed demetia.

My wife and I knew she could not return home and thinking with such a large family a weeks stay at each would not be a terrible ordeal and minimum disruption for all. We would keep her in our home and decide on her care later. That was over five years ago. We are still the primary careivers and my wife's mother's dementia is in the advanced state. We get a little frustrated because we we haven't gotten a lot of co-operation byt recently some have stepped up to the plate.

Dementia is a horrible disease affecting the brain. Short term memory and changes in behavior are often hard to accept by some family members. We cannot go into denial but accept the facts our loved one is not the same person we knew as a parent. We will continue to do our best and pray for the patience necessary to be the best caregivers possible.