The Real Truth- This Isn't What You Wanted (Part 4)
56Kinda Like an Avalanche Swooping Down the Mountain
So is my brain. Here's part 4 of my collection of short stories and whatnot's. I believe we are still about a decade ago. I wrote a good part of it when I was still working at a Chinese restaurant. Anger, humor, and drinking were all large parts of my life. Stupidly it all stemmed from a broad in high school. Weird. Anywho....these next few are a bit less dark and more towards humorous. So...uh. Yeah.
Tiki Barber is a God!
The more I think about it the more I can't believe it's not butter. People always say they fear death, but then they don't want to live. Butter is butter it's not Better n Butter, believe it. Why do I point things like this out? I dunno. Just a thought I had when I was almost killed on the road the other day. I thought 'd get it penned out before I forgot. Back to what I was saying. Don't drink butter. Honestly, it's not as good as a glass of water. Too much butter is a bad thing. Make sure to stretch yourself thin, way too thin. Make sure when you're done you have nothing left. How you ask? Eat rice. Tim says it makes you shit, what does he know? I dunno. Don't drink butter though. It's slimy on the way down. Gross.
Free Rhode Island Now
I've figured it out! Finally after years upon years of research! My plan to conquer Rhode Island is complete. I can put the plan in motion as early as June. I cannot share details but rest assured the plan will not fail! My cabinet is set, my armed forces are strong. This will not be a hostile takeover. Rhode Island is begging to be free, so I will be the one to accommodate them. If you would like to join the ranks of F.R.I.N. then just drop me a line. We're always looking to expand. The most important thing for you to remember is that Rhode Island's freedom is at stake, something I do not take lightly. THIS IS NO JOKE! I AM NOT KIDDING! The tyranny has gone on long enough. Together we will take Rhode Island and lead it to world domination. Delaware, I hear your call as well.....your time will come.
Thank you for your time.
Justin Wilson
President, Free Rhode Island Now
Lunchtime
Unsweetened tea is the drink of the future as it was the drink of the past. Sugar was in, WAY in, but not anymore baby. See, people don't like to go to the dentist, therefore, ELIMINATE SUGAR!It's the only way to go. Unsweetened tea will change your outlook on life. You'll go from exciting party goer to lame boring internet geek within one week GUARANTEED! As always we have a warranty on our unsweetened tea. You will not only get one gallon, not two gallons, but three full gallons if you act now! Um...As I was saying...our warranty.....try our product and if you don't like it, return it within 30 days and we'll say fuck you and keep your money. Also, don't mind the excessive charging on your credit card.....we swear it's not us! So act now! It's the deal of the century!
Insanity
Left wing. Out on a limb. Held up. Alone. It's so dark. Everything spins out of control all at once. Where to turn. I don't know myself anymore. I'm lost. Good to see that every thing's coming together. Pulling my sanity from my clutches. I'm a child again. It's necessary to wipe my ass. I can't do it myself. The world is insane. The news is absolutely "tragic" every night. I'm sick? I'm sorry about your car. Why are possessions so important now? Why are careers so important? Maybe this is all I have. Maybe this is all I want. I'm so tired. I'm shaking. It's only getting warmer. Where am I? I want to be alone again so bad but it only makes me feel weaker. Where's my book? I'm inches away from another explosion. Stay out of my way before I explode at you.
PrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
Comments
I'm totally with ya on the Rhode Island thing. I'd like to personally volunteer to storm Newport. MM
toad: man, cell phones are beautiful things on one hand....and palm sized satan on another. i hate being bothered (whether i answer it or not) by phone calls that seem to come at every moment of the day. always the best and/or most important ones.
mm: i thought people might find it weird. rhode island will be free one day due to the diligent work of volunteers like yourself.











goldentoad says:
10 months ago
Sometimes my cell phone rings when I'm in the middle of a good song and I want to throw it out the window. It always happens, when I close my eyes, when I go to the bathroom, when I'm listening to a good song, the damn cell phone rings.