The Santa Claus Lie - Why Its Not Such A Bad Thing

Not long ago someone raised the issue of "The Big Santa Claus Lie". The person raising this issue stated that there is no Santa Claus, and he asked whether parents should tell that lie to their children. I did tell that lie to my children, who - now grown - continue to trust me and believe, as I did, that believing in Santa for just a while is a nice part of childhood.

This is my answer to those who see the Santa Claus story as nothing but a lie that should not be told:

When I was four years old I tried to engage the dull little boy next door in some imaginary play. I thought I was starting the "story" for both us when I told him I had a horse in my basement, and there was also a train small enough for children to ride in the basement as well. This unimaginative little kid didn't get my attempt to engage him in fantasy (even though I didn't have the word for it at the time), and he went and asked my father if we really had a horse and a train. It was then "established" that I had told giant lies, and I was lectured about not lying.

At four years old I didn't really have understanding and words needed to explain that I had been trying to engage this little dullard in fantasy, so I just let my parents think I was a big liar. Once I got older I realized that my lie was just a good natured attempt to get some play started.

Children love magic and fantasy. They understand it much younger than people think they can. While young children believe Santa is real (when they're told about him) and get to feel that magical feeling, older children who know better usually understand the concept of engaging someone else in fantasy - for no reason other than offering a little magic and imagination in a world that, without fantasy, wouldn't have much of those things.

Kids are smarter and more understanding than many people give them credit for. As a former Santa-believer, sibling of other Santa-believers, and mother of three former Santa-believers, I've found that most former believers just kind of understand that their parents wanted them to share in something make-believe and special when children are young and magic makes such nice memories. Most kids understand the different between fantasy and a pattern of deceit. Most don't get older and ask what else their parents lied about. They understand the difference and understand that all their parents wanted to do was give them something nice before they got too old and too cynical for that type of thing.

Most parents helps children transition from believing to not believing by talking about the spirit behind the Santa story, and talking about how even if Santa doesn't reall come down the chimney the spirit of magic at Christmas is in the hearts of those who want it to be.

When my kids were little, after they were asleep and the gifts were out, I'd take a few minutes to go out on my front lawn at around midnight or even two a.m. I'd stand on my high suburban lawn and look at the lights that were still on in some houses. Of course, that time of night in December in New England is cold and silent and crisp - and I would stand and listen to the silence, look at the stars, and imagine that somewhere out in that expanse of black sky maybe Santa's sleigh was soaring by.

With the feeling of having finished all my shopping, decorating, and putting out the "Santa" things while worrying that a child would wake up, I would enjoy this moment in the cold Winter night, knowing all had been done but the Christmas dinner. A season of work had ended, and there behind the bedroom windows of my home slept my greatest gifts.

The mind is a funny thing, and I am not making this up for the purposes of this post, but I would actually kind of hear distant sleighbells off in the distance. The world is full of lies and people who cannot imagine up a little magic. Children can pretty much sort out lies from fantasy, and they can usually can understand that parents' wish to create a little a magic for just a few years is a well intentioned attempt to let little ones have a childhood before the world steps in. My children are grown now, but this year - as I do ever year - I'll be going outside on Christmas Eve and standing there until I think I may hear the sleighbells.

What I learned from my parents, who lied to me about Santa, was how much fun it is to feel the magic; and how even though the magic is smaller once we're grown, there are still ways to find it. If I had another child tomorrow, yes, I'd lie to that one too.