One of the greatest questions that humans have, throughout time, asked is: Where does happiness come from? What is that truly makes people happy? Happiness is, after all, something, that most of us, if not all of us strive for. We all want to be happy now and it is something we all hope for in the future - but just what is happiness? And how do you get it?

If you think about it, almost, if everything you do is motivated by the desire to be happy - the new car you buy, the bigger house you buy, the latest fashion trend you follow, that holiday you take, the promotion you go for, the places you hang out, the people you hang out with, the things you do in our free time, the cosmetic products you buy - all of these are really a means to an end - of being and feeling happy.

The self-help market and the consumer market capitalise on your quest and longing for happiness. Marketing is based on telling you what you need to be happy (create the need) and then, presto they provide the product (the means) that will ultimately bring you happiness (the end). That's why advertising is so powerful. You buy the products, the experiences and the images in the hopes that you will be happy. And advertising must work - or hundreds and thousands of pounds would not be spent on it year after year.

So gentlemen, if you want to be happy - then you know what you need - you need to be a babe magnet! And guess what, says the advertising market - it just so happens that we have this aftershave and look what happens when you use it: And as you watch your TV screen you watch a woman tear a man's clothes off while she is howling "wa wa wa......."

And, gentlemen, you thought you were just buying another aftershave! The aftershave was the means of attracting women (the need) to bring you happiness - the end. They gotcha didn't they!!

Now over to the women. If you want to be happy (the end) then you need to change the way you look (the need). Oh and by the way they say, we just happen to know the right look. And again, oh and by the way, if you just don't happen to meet this ideal (knowing that 99%of us won't), we just happen to have a product (the means) just for you! So you buy the newest anti-wrinkle skin crème or you go on that diet - yet again - in the hopes for - happiness (the end!

Most of us, it not all of us, at some point, get sucked into this don't we? You want to feel good and you want to be happy - and there is nothing wrong with that.

If I just won the lottery. . . . Then I would be happy. If I just......then I would be happy; If only........ ...then I would be happy.

What is your "If I............ then I would be happy" formula? Has it really worked?

Isn't it ironic that despite the fact that the level of wealth as doubled, even tripled in the last 50 years, the level of happiness and satisfaction with life that people report has not changed. In fact, even more surprising is that the rates of depression are on the increase! So what is the answer - what brings happiness?

Two main theories have been put forward try to answer this question.: The happiness comes from "without" theory and the happiness comes from "within" theory.

The 'happiness comes from without' theory is based on the idea that happiness comes from getting what you want. We all know, however - and current research on happiness confirms - that this kind of happiness is short lived. We have all been there: got the new car, bought the new clothes and felt great - for awhile. Then the 'high', the 'buzz' wears off and another 'fix' is needed to get the 'happiness high' again.

So another idea was put forward - happiness comes from 'within.' Many of the ideas for this theory have been borrowed from far eastern thought. It was about looking at oneself and creating inner contentment and peace. And while this might be closer to the mark, recent research shows that this hypothesis is also flawed.

In fact, the research in the new and growing field of positive psychology confirms that, yes happiness comes from 'within' and yes it comes from 'without.'

In his book The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt suggests a "happiness formula." The really interesting part of this is that part of the ‘formula' suggests that certain external conditions in our lives can act to increase or decrease our levels of happiness.

Of the top four 'condition's he mentions is Relationships. And Haidt suggests that this is 'the condition' that trumps all others in importance of increasing happiness levels!! And this finding is consistent throughout the positive psychology research.

Bottom line then is that good quality relationships = Higher levels of happiness.

How, you ask, does this link to why we are so unhappy?

My view is that even though we live in an age with all the modern conveniences, have more money and more leisure time than did our parents and grandparents, something has changed in terms of our relationships.

Without going into major explanations/debates (for now!) we are now more socially disconnected than in previous generations, the nuclear family now often consists of one parent, people are in and out of relationships and the relationships that we do have are lacking in good quality.

So bottom line of my own personal theory is: lack of good quality relationships (in spite of more wealth, modern conveniences, possessions etc.) = decrease in happiness and increase in depression.

Life has become so busy, there have been major social changes in the past few years and technology has created such a fast pace of change that people can harldy keep up. I think we have lost our way when it comes to relationships.

So people are getting caught up in the ideas the media and advertising popularise (which it would do us well to remember are driven by the goal of making money). They promise great results, they promise that it will be easy and they make it sound ever so exciting. The result is that people are connecting at the level of what I call superficial values such as looks, wealth, sex, status. Yet what research and experience do tell us, is that people who have good quality relationships are connecting at the level of deeper core values.

If having good quality relationships has such a huge impact on our levels of happiness isn't it worth investing some time and energy into really getting to grips with how to have a good relationship?

When you look back on 2008, one day, what do want to be able to say about your relationships?