The Early Stages of Breaking up
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It is hard to know if what you are going through is normal for a breakup. Sometimes you feel like you are going crazy, and other times you wonder if you can feel at all. Withdrawal, grief, depression, sadness, crying are all normal reactions to a breakup, whether he broke up with you or you initiated the breakup.
Some of us go crazy partying and others hide in their work. And just when you feel like you are becoming sane again - he gets the next girlfriend. That takes us into a whole new breakup stage.
The Early Stages: Shock and withdrawal
To understand the stages of breaking up, we need to think about what breaking up is doing to your brain. Like withdrawal from a drug, a breakup is withdrawal from a person - and it’s hard to see past this.
(Breaking up) actually heightens the phenomenon of passionate love in the brain circuits of both men and women. That brain region desperately, hungrily seeks the loved one. Withdrawal – as if weaning from a drug – takes over.
Louann Brizindine, Neuropsychiatrist - The Female Brain
You will crave your ‘drug’ – your ex. It is normal to think obsessively about him as your brain searches to get its ‘fix’ of love hormones. Compound this with your grief as you realize what you are letting go of – not just your ex but your previous life as a couple – it becomes a rocky ride. You obsess about him and about your breakup recovery process.
The love hormones are a chemical in your body, so it isn't just a mental withdrawal - it is a physical withdrawal as well. Think of all the wonderful fuzzy feelings you had when you hug, kiss and had sex with your ex. They are hormones being released into your body to promote bonding and attachment. The first stage of breaking up is going cold turkey from them. It is not that you're not strong and finding it difficult to handle, instead it is partly a chemical withdrawal.
That is why following the no contact rule is so important. Like an alcoholic giving up the vodka, you need to go cold turkey when breaking up with your ex. This is the first stage you face when breaking up.
I'm going to be writing a series of articles on my blog about the stages of breaking up, so take a look - and let me know if there is a particular stage you want to hear more about.
Sarah's related hubs:
- How to accept your loss: a process to help you
I have been writing about loss and the grief that follows, especially in relation to breakups. Loss can often be a hard thing to accept and I've already written about it in some of my other hubs. - How to accept your breakup: splitting
I have been emailing back and forth with a friend of a friend about her breakup, Ill call her Alice, and we have been talking a lot about the process of acceptance in how you get over your ex. - How do you face loss? Grief and transitions
I am trying to write a post on acceptance but I realise that before we get to acceptance we need to understand grief and how it hits you. We think of grief as something that we only have when someone in...
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Comments
Hey Suzanne, I'll definitely look at some more topics like this - welcome to Hubpages!
suzanne_writes says:
5 weeks ago
Perfect!!! So true and so real... Early stages become killing at times.. And love at times comes out of blue.. braking and making.. Strange blues and combos at times.. Looking to have some more related hubs..