True Story.  I remembered it tonight as I added time to my pay as you go phone.

My daughter worked while she was in college and had gotten a raise at work. She decided that she would get a new cell phone. She had been using a pay as you go phone and was fine with that, but with the raise and the new responsibilities, she thought she would treat herself to a nice new cell. She got a pretty flip phone, nice blue color, not bedazzled or a Hello Kitty cover, just a nice little phone. She did not get all the bells and whistles, just the phone. No camera. No Internet access. Just the phone with what she thought was a good, responsible service plan.

Note the phrase “what she thought.”

She worked retail and kept her purse behind the counter. There was always supposed to be someone behind the counter. The cash drawer was there.

Note the phrase “always supposed to be someone.”

Her phone got stolen from her purse. She returned from the back room to find no one at the counter and her purse upside down. She was so upset. She used the land line to call the cell phone company and they told her she needed to call back when she had her contract in front of her.

She explained she was at work and was worried about someone racking up charges. She explained that she was reporting it and would indeed comply with their request to call when she had the contract, but to please cut off access to the phone so that she was not responsible if the thief decided to place a call to Guam.

“We cannot help you with that. You need you to have the contract in front of you, please.”

Her boss let her leave for the day to take care of this. She went home, got her contract and called this widely advertised company. She told them her phone had been stolen and she wanted to cancel her number.

“Please take the contract with you and go to your nearest local store to deal with this issue.”

Contract in hand; she hurriedly drove to the store imagining all kinds of wild phone calls to 900 numbers and countries all over the world. She got to the store and took a number and waited her turn with the customer service agent. Finally, sigh of relief…..

“Number 46, number 46 to customer service agent 3.”

She presented herself and her contract, explained that her cell phone had been stolen, by this time about 40 minutes ago, that she had called customer service and been told she had to come to the store. She told the man she was worried about the thief already incurring charges on her plan and she wanted the number cancelled and to get a new phone.

“Of, course. I can help you with that.”

The customer service man didn’t look at her contract. He told her he had it all in the computer. Pissed but silent, needing this man’s help, she kept her mouth shut.

The man cancelled her number and promised no charges would of any phone calls in the last two hours would be billed to her. Whew. Then he told her he would be happy to show her phones she could buy to replace her stolen one.

“Excuse me? Did you say buy? As in purchase with my own money?”

“Yes. You’ll need a replacement phone since you’ve signed up for a two-year plan. You’ll be charged the monthly rate whether you have or use the phone or not. Right over here on this wall we have some…..’

She told me later that her mouth had fallen open. She grabbed her contract and pointed out her monthly payment for the extended service plan that was supposed to cover damaged, lost, or stolen phones.

The customer service man did not look at the contract but swiveled his computer screen for her to see. According to his computer, not her contract, her plan covered lost cell phones. Not stolen ones. Lost ones. She stared at the computer. She read her contract. The computer. The contract. They didn’t match. When she pointed this out, he said, “Policy dictates that the computer is always right.”

So much for artificial intelligence.

She asked in a very loud voice, “You mean to tell me that if I had come in on stilettos, smacking a wad of gum big enough to impress you with the diameter of my mouth, leaned across this counter after unbuttoning part of my shirt, twirled my hair, and told you in a voice devoid of an I.Q. that I had lost my cell in the thong bin at Victoria’s Secret, you’d have just given me another cell for free? But if I was a victim of a crime, I have to pay?”

She said the customer service guy’s face turned bright red and he lowered his voice and said, “Uh, it’s your plan. It doesn’t cover stolen cell phones. Only lost ones.”

She told me she flipped her hair seductively liked she seen on cable television and deepened her voice. “Sweetie, I was in Vickie’s today at the mall and there was this thong bin. Have you ever seen the on sale thong bin at Vickie’s? It’s deep, real deep. I was searching, searching for just the right pair when, oops1 My cell just slipped right out of my hand and I couldn’t find it. Purple, red, black silk. I’d never have found it in there what with all those girls leaning over the bin and all those hands running through all that silk. So can I have another cell?”

He gulped and said, “But I already know it was stolen.”

“But the computer doesn’t know that yet, Sugar.”

“But I can’t lie about it.”

Using her normal voice, she smiled and said, “But the computer is lying about my contract.”

“I can’t give you a phone, miss.”

She took her contract and swiveled away as quickly as he’d swiveled his computer screen at her, and headed for the door.

“I hope you enjoyed your visit with us. Please come again.”

She glared at the greeter and told him, “I've had better times at the ob/gyn.”

Upset, she drove to a friend’s house to blow off steam. She ranted about the cell phone company, that she didn’t know what she was going to do yet. Her friend’s father was home and overheard her diatribe. She told him her story and about the exchange she had at the cell phone company. He read her contract and said, “You girls get in the car.”

Thrilled to have an advocate, the girls followed him into the same cell phone store. The greeter recognized my daughter and offered to help.

Her friend’s father said, “No, thank you. I’m waiting for customer service agent number 3.”

“If you would just take a number, sir, it will be called soon and…..”

“No, customer service agent 3 knows why I’m here and will be available at some point today before the store closes. And I have the time. I don’t go on duty at the police station until after you people go home for the night.”

The manger came over and offered to help.

“Only if customer service agent 3 will be standing right beside you.”

“Yes, sir. Right this way, sir.”

“And young ladies.”

“Sir?”

“I have two young ladies with me. It’s this young lady’s cell phone that was stolen. You will be helping her.”

Long dialogue short, the cell phone company stuck beside their computer. The policeman has had enough and suddenly tells them he has decided he is now taking over the cell phone plan. “I need a new cell phone for personal use. Now I see here in the contract on your computer that if I take over this plan, switching names does not incur new charges but it does give me the right to a new, free, cell phone.”

They were stuck.

The switch was made. Name, billing address, etc., etc. The cop is holding a new plain black flip phone.

Whew. My daughter said you could almost hear it from customer service agent 3 who then tried to get up, but the cop said, “Wait. Where are you going? This young lady needs a new cell phone and a really great plan. She’s a brand new customer. Horrible thing happened to her today. Her cell phone was stolen and the cell phone company she worked with had tried to rip her off. Now I know you don’t want that reputation so let’s get her set up.”

My daughter signed up for a new plan, one that included the lost, damaged, or stolen cell phone extended security service plan. The cop watched the manager type it in the computer. When the printed contract came for my daughter to sign, the cop matched it against the computer.
“Don’t want the computer to have changed its mind between the printer and the customer service desk.”

So my daughter finished college with a shiny new cell phone and a shiny new plan that the contract and the computer agreed upon. And there had been a deal that day. She got a $499.99 Blackberry that had Internet access and a built-in camera for $49.99 after mail-in rebates under the same monthly rate as her old phone.

And when the contract ran out. She opted back to the pay as you go phone. She tells everyone she’s a commitment-phobe.