Give my regards to Broadway,, Remember me to Waffle House

A couple of years ago, I got a new car, A very manly Dodge truck. It came with the new sirius radio.Rifling thru my 100+ stations, I found my self strangely drawn to channel 77...Broadway show tunes!

At first, I was horrified and ashamed, but I couldn't stop. I would be cruising down the Alabama interstate, passing manly men with "Roll Tide" stickers, or hunting rifles in their trucks, while I was secretly singing":I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair" In Alabama, this is not a good thing!

The whole issue came to a head(no pun intended), when I left my radio on 77 at the car wash.The guy looked at me strangely as I handed him his tip.Once in the car, I realized what had happened.The very funny D.J, Seth Rudetsky, openly gay, was talking about his "amahzing" boyfriend. He thought I was..G..G. GAY!

Well, being as straight as I can be, but being addicted to Broadway, made me realize at once, that some guidlines have to be laid down.I am going to try to point out some DOs and DONTs, for the non gay, Broadway listner.

First of all, some Broadway shows are much more acceptible to talk about than others Anything with war, or fighting , or politics is safe ground. These include Grease, Miss Siagon,Evita,and even Jesus Christ Superstar and Phantom of the Opera.

While Jersey Boys is safe, You dont want to start whistling Abba tunes from Mama Mia.Rent has enough tetesterone edge to it, but avoid Wicked.Under NO circumstances Ever Ever EVER admit to even having heard of Ave. Q

When talking about Broadway performers, use discreation. Instead of describing Patti Lupone's voice as "fabulous, and very good range".. Say, man she has a decent voice and a great rack. This will put any doubt to rest.Refer to the blonde girl from wicked as"that Reese Witherspoon looking girl" , not Kristen Chenoweth.

Avoid experlatives, such as wonderful, cheery,drop dead gorgeous, etc..You can easily substitute bad, bitchen , and cool,

Always keep Espn, or a suitable guy station on your preset, incase of emergency. Always use discretion and judgement.For example, if "Luck be a lady tonight" comes on, dont shout"hey ..that's from Guys and Dolls, everybody".. Instead say, "Is that Sinatra or Brando singing."See the difference?

If these tips don'thelp, and your friends still question you,....SCREW them! You like what ya like! Don't give up your Show tunes! hubpages.com+mike+the+salesman