I got the most amazing email this morning. It was spam, but that's not why. It was deceptive, but that's nothing new. It was useless...but I found a good use for it. This had to be the funniest, most ridiculous piece of unsolicited commercial email I've ever received.

My response? I did the unthinkable: I responded. I hit "reply all," no doubt annoying several people again (sorry, everyone--I couldn't help myself!) While, in many ways, the message spoke for itself, I thought it was worth bringing some of the most profound blunders into the harsh light of reality. What follows is the message I sent back, with a CC to the spammer. If I get even more spam because of it—even if I get hate mail because of it—It was worth it. Feast your eyes:

    ...~~~~~~~~~ $$$$$$$$$$——££££££££££££££——$$$$$$$$$$ ~~~...

First off, please accept my apologies in advance for spamming this spammer's list, but I can't help myself. It's just too hilarious (this is the first time I've ever sent such a message, btw).

"Mrs Gloria Scott," sending email from the address claimersdesk@live.com, wins my award for the Worst Spam of the Year. She (could be he, for all we know) sent the message below, which announces to each of us that we've won £500,000.00. She goes on to explain that each of us is one of five lucky winners of a Microsoft Promotion" drawing that had £2,500,000.00 prize money to be split among the five winners. What really makes me laugh is that she openly sent her message to FORTY of us (I counted). She put our addresses are in the TO: field, so it's not hard to notice. She didn't even bother to disguise the number of addressees by sending it to us using the BCC: address field.

I have never seen anything quite so stupid in any of the spam emails that hog so much Internet bandwidth. 40 addressees. Each of us is one of 5 winners. That means that, if each of us were actually paid the promised amount, "Microsoft Promotion Award Team" would be awarding one hundred million pounds from their two million, five hundred pound prize fund. Umm...HELLO! That's impossible, Mrs. Gloria Scott.

It gets better. Not content to send her "match 6 plus bonus" [sic; that's right, no capital letters in this phrase] award notification to forty people, she put all forty email addresses in the SUBJECT: line, too. I guess she was worried that someone might not look at who her spam was sent to, so she helped even the most naive of us notice the unusually large number of addressees. Wow.

One more thing: 40 recipients. Not 41, not 39. Not too likely to have occurred by chance. There's must be a reason for this--I assume that forty was the maximum allowed for one message. Doubtless, the same notification was sent to multiple sets of forty recipients in separate emails. Among the hundreds of recipients (or perhaps thousands or even MILLIONS), maybe she/he will find a sucker or two. I wouldn't hold my breath, though.

Thanks for playing, Gloria. Better luck next time.

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On Wed, 15 Oct 2008 09:42:55 -0700, <mrsonlile@optonline.net> wrote: 

Microsoft Promotion Award Team 

7 Prauge Palace, Central London, 

London CRA3 2LU. 

REF NO: MSW/56B-672GH/L.

Batch: MSC0034WIN.

Dear Winner,

We happily announce to you the draw (7776) of the Internet Microsoft Windows 

held at the end of year's award promotion Your e-mail address have won the draw, 

Which subsequently won you the Promo in the 1st category i.e. match 6 plus bonus. 

You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £500,000.00 (Five 

hundred thousand pound sterling) in cash credited to file QQX /8994298762/01 

This is from a total cash prize of £2,500,000.00 (Two Million Five Hundred 

Thousand Pounds Sterling) shared 

amongst the Five (5) lucky winners in this category i.e. match 6 plus bonus.. 

Your Preferred Method Of Receiving Your Prize(From Below)

Mode Of Prize Remittance. 

(1)Cash Pick-Up (You coming Down to United Kingdom Personally to Pick Your Prize).  

(2)Courier Delivery Of your Certified Winning Cheque Name and other Winning Documents safely to you

To file for your claim, please contact your fiduciary agent immediately via 

email below.

CLAIM PROCESSING FORM

1. Full Name:....... 

2. Address:......... 

3. Nationality:........ 

4. Date ofBirth:..... 

5. Occupation:........ 

6. Mobile:........ 

7 Sex:

Microsoft Promotion Award Team 

Name: Mr.Ben Johnson 

Tel: +447045723143 

Email: claimersdesk@live.com 

Cordially,

Mrs Gloria Scott.