1. The Investment

Newton Stewart was where they gathered,

in a legal-smelling office.

Twenty gentlemen of standing,

every one of them a father

of a son a year or younger

(stipulated by the lawyer

in the curious undertaking

of administering the Tontine).

Every father gave a thousand,

twenty thousand pounds in total,

a considerable fortune

in the days of Queen Victoria.

And the lawyer was entrusted

to invest the whole caboodle

in a safe and steady venture

chosen at his own discretion,

while the innocents I mentioned

(twenty little ones, remember?)

gurgled happily at nurses

whom they took to be their mothers.

So began the living contest,

brainchild of the worthy Tonti -

this his only contribution

to the happiness of nations.

2. First Cull

Farquhar was the first to flounder -

measles left him unprotected

from the cholera that followed

taking with him Jones and Walker.

Whooping cough in moderation

is survivable by many

but delicious complications

put an end to MacAnespie.

So it was that, of the twenty,

sixteen might have had a birthday

but an old perambulator

left its handle in the care of

Wilson's nurse, as Wilson gaily

rolled in front of an express train.

Nursie was discharged from service,

while the twenty thousand grew at

nearly six percent per annum.

3. Second Cull

Troubled times befell the Porters

so the young beloved Simon

matched his lungs against the chimneys

and they proved to be the weaker.

Similarily incommoded

by a fall in family fortune

Smythe and Peters were seconded

to a dismal paupers' prison

never more to see the sunlight.

While the sweet tuberculosis

sowed the seeds of early exit

(eighty two was such a winter)

to a portion of the sample

who inhabited the city

with its smog of yellow brimstone.

Alphabetically listed

there were Anderson and Edwards

there were Fredericks and Manners

closely followed by McDonald.

Thus it was that of the twenty

only seven were included

when the end of adolescence

loomed like fate on the horizon.

4. The Seven

Twenty years since its inception

twenty years of steady progress

at the hands of merchant bankers

fifty more (perhaps) to follow

as our seven golden warriors

came to physical fruition.

MacGuire was first to taste the joys of love

McCall was next to fall, and it was sad

that she who seemed to fit him like a glove

was she whom young MacGuire already had

succumbed to. In the fashion of the times

there had to be a duel. Pistols at dawn

(and by the way you'll notice this bit rhymes -

that Hiawatha stuff goes on and on...)

MacGuire was pretty sharp. He'd been abroad

in Africa and practised killing game

while young McCall (the miserable sod)

was destined for the church. A dreadful shame.

And as he fell, a bullet in his heart,

his gun went off and killed his second, Smart.

Young MacGuire although the victor

was unsure of his position

for the law was never joyous

at the killing of a curate

so he joined the Foreign Legion

rushing off to the Sahara

and was relatively happy

for it suited his ambition

to be always in the action

till a camel kicked his head in.

So four remained alive till middle age

Their names were Martin, Samson, Jack and Law,

the first three, active players on the stage

of commerce, but the fourth one had a flaw

in character, for all his waking hours

were spent in plotting evil to befall

his fellow tontinites, and all his powers

he put to serve this end. He wanted all

the fortune to devolve upon his head

but far from settling down and trusting fate

he dreamed of suffocating, in his bed,

each of his rivals, saying "Why should I wait

until I'm old? I've got a brain. Employ it

to win my fortune while I can enjoy it!"

But before Law had a chance to

perpetrate a single murder

Martin made a bad investment

in the name of his employer

bringing bankruptcy to many

and his conscience pricked him sorely

so he leapt out of the window

of his office in the city

landing squarely on the head of

someone walking on the pavement,

someone contemplating murder

though the world had never known it.

And as Law and Martin perished

still the fortune waxed enormous.

5. Samson and Jack

In the days of their retirement

lives could not have been as different

as the lives of Jack and Samson

for the very simple reason

of the circumstance of marriage.

Samson's family, understanding

that he could be worth a million

to be theirs in perpetuity

if he only lived the longer,

wrapped him up in cosy flannel

kept him clear of sickly persons

hid his whisky and tobacco

monitored his every movement

even those we cannot mention.

Mollycoddled like an infant,

his frustration grew excessive

and his hatred for his family

(most of all his son and daughter

who considered him a passport

to eternity of leisure)

soon outweighed whatever solace

his longevity could furnish

so he seized upon a table

knife and practised hari kiri

with remarkable success in

one so elderly and feeble.

He was suitably rewarded

for the pain he had to suffer

by the look of greater anguish

in the eyes of his tormentors

when they saw he was a goner.

and Jack?

Eighty three and never married

he had always been a loner

not unsociable, but quiet,

and content to fish the river

where it bordered on his garden.

He was fishing when they found him

with the news about the tontine

but he smiled a little sadly

as he thought of poor old Samson,

took the cheque the lawyer proffered,

never marvelled at its value,

gently tore it into pieces

which he floated on the river

and continued in his fishing.