My road to sobriety has been long, at times tumultuous, and often fraught with confusion. I'll bravely state it's also been sprinkled with unnecessary misinformation as well. I realize, as I write this article, I'm entering into controversial territory, as I'm going to propose that a 12 step program of recovery is not the only route to quit drinking. Alcoholics Anonymous is, quite simply, not a one size fits all program for addiction help.

Early on in my Alcoholics Anonymous attendance, I kept my concerns about the program to myself. After all, I was told my life depended upon this program or my fate was: “jails, institutions, or death.” If ever I explained that I grew up in an atheist family and that the concept of “God” or a “Higher Power” was novel to me, I was told I could use any concept I wanted to work the 12 step program. In fact, I could use a door knob if it worked for me. Again and again, it's stated that it's not a religious program, but it is spiritual. Please note: In their Big Book: The word “God” is mentioned one hundred and thirty two (132) times and pronouns for “God” are mentioned eighty (80) times. In case you are not familiar with the 12 steps, here they are:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
   
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Now, I invite you to substitute the word doorknob into the steps where it says “God”. I would sound like a lunatic well on my way to these “institutions” I've been warned about. As I worked the steps, I began to feel like a victim of the old bait-and-switch game. The more I read, worked the steps, went to Big Book studies, and attended the meetings, the more I heard about confessions, surrendering to God, religious experiences, and 'moral shortcomings”. The less a doorknob, or acronyms for GOD (Good Orderly Direction or Group of Drunks) suggested to me were applicable.

The truth is, Alcoholics Anonymous' tenets and dogma are indistinguishable from religion. Bill Wilson, one of the founding fathers of A.A. stated this at Los Angeles' Shrine Auditorium in 1943:

"Divine Aid was A.A.'s greatest asset."
"An alcoholic is a fellow who is 'trying to get his religion out of a bottle,' when what he really wants is unity within himself, unity with God."
"There is a definite religious element here."

The underpinning of the 12 step program is to create spiritual or religious experiences so intense that the personality of the alcoholic would be forever changed. Bill Wilson actually uses the phrase "religious experiences".

The bottom line: you are expected to have a spiritual or religious awakening. It is the thrust of the program. In the 3rd edition of the Big Book, Bill Wilson claims that although we're trying to get our lives in order, this is merely a means to an end. The true purpose is to become fit to serve God and the people around us. The Big Book, 3rd Edition, William G. Wilson, Into Action, page 77.

Having abandoned the concept of God proposed to me early on in light of what I came to learn about the true nature of the program, I was left feeling utterly hopeless. I tried all of the "suggestions" about coming to believe in a Higher Power. After all, I was convinced I would DIE of this dreaded disease if I was without one. I diligently worked on this for many years. I prayed, I meditated, I worked the program exactly as it was written and recommended by my sponsor. I began to express my doubts about God, the program, and even some of the traditions. The responses were always the same. People would say: "I will pray for you", or "Keep coming back", or "Pray about it" or "You must have left something out of your fourth step" or, my favorite: "You must be in early relapse." It seems there could never be the possible admission that AA just really isn't a good fit for me. I relapsed. I came back and did more work. And I relapsed again.

Along the way, in what became the quagmire of the Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 Step movements, the basic goal of recovery from an addiction seems to have been lost. I didn't walk into the doors of AA to have a spiritual experience. I came with one, and only one objective: to learn how to get and stay sober. It seems any treatment for addiction became second fiddle to a hidden agenda.

Having a Master's Degree in Social Work, I began doing some investigative work into the success rate for Alcoholics Anonymous. I'd been given some very inaccurate figures by members. I'd heard a number of times about the 33% rule: 33% of alcoholics come to AA and never relapse, 33% come in and out with periods of sobriety, and 33% come to AA, relapse and never return. For the latter group, the assumption is they've not remained sober. Again, not only are these statistics strikingly incorrect, but the assumption about the third group provides additional evidence that members believe the ONLY way to stay sober is through Alcoholics Anonymous.

Okay, let's have a look at the true numbers. Alcoholics Anonymous' World Services own statistics claim the following:

• 45% of people who come to AA come only once and never return.
• 81% leave after one month.
• 90% leave after three months.
• 93% are gone after six months.
• 95% are gone and don't return after the first year.

So, there's a mere 5% retention rate after 12 months. Not very impressive especially in light of the fact that there's a 5% spontaneous remission rate in the general population of alcoholics. That is, 5% of people get sober and stay sober without any intervention or treatment program. There also seems to be an assumption that the 5% who stay in AA actually remain sober.

The most extensive study done on 12 step program success rates was a longitudinal study performed by Dr.George E. Vaillant of Harvard University. As a professor and PhD, Dr. Vaillant was elected to the board of trustees for Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (AAWS). He and the director, William Clark performed the largest study conducted over the longest time period in order to prove the effectiveness of AA. He certainly had a vested interest in unveiling positive success statistics. For a full eight years Dr. Vaillant followed 100 patients who'd utilized Alcoholics Anonymous as their treatment modality. Simultaneously, he followed a few hundred other alcoholics without any treatment at all. The treated group did no better than the untreated group. Over the eight year period, 95% of the A.A. members relapsed, the same statistically as the untreated group. Dr Vaillance concluded:

"there is compelling evidence that the results of our treatment were no better than the natural history of the disease. He added, "Not only had we failed to alter the natural history of alcoholism, but our death rate of three percent a year was appalling."

Perhaps the most scientifically sound study was performed in 1992. The National Longitudinal Alcoholism Epidemiological Survey was de­signed and sponsored by the NIAAA (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism)and was conducted by the U.S. Bureau of the Census. It was the largest study to date, involving 4,585 subjects and expanded the longest time period of 20 years. It concluded that a higher percentage of untreated subjects had maintained abstinence after the 20 years than the group that had received 12 Step intervention.

Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are everywhere, numerous times throughout everyday, and there are many members. When I was first quit drinking, and was seeking a treatment for addiction, I needed that large support network, a safe place to be for at least one hour per day, and the social aspect of the support group. No other support group has the sheer number of daily meetings that AA does. I had many telephone numbers for sober people I could call any time of the day if I felt I needed help. And, they were there to offer advice and concern. I made many close friendships in the fellowship that I still hold dear today.

I had to move on and utilize other recovery tools, however to maintain my continued sobriety. My approach is quite eclectic, I borrow from Women for Sobriety, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Rational and SMART recovery. I've come up with a program that works for ME, is true to my beliefs, and still offers the support I need and desire.

For me, AA was a great place to start. There were many days I'm not sure how I wouldn't have taken that first drink were it not for the safe haven of a meeting. So, I do believe, Alcoholics Anonymous has its place in alcoholism recovery. And, I think it is the right fit for some addicts, it just wasn't for me... Again, addiction help is not one size fits all, Alcoholics Anonymous or DIE.