The Truth About Child Support
74There are a few accounts circulating around on the Internet stating that the government should not get involved with ensuring child support payments are made. First off, the people making these statements are often misinformed and really should do more research for making such audacious allegations. Growing up I was lucky my parents were married and both supported me, but in the real world reality not every child is going to have this particular family set-up. Some people often think a child is less fortunate if they are being raised by a single parent, but that is not the case at all because many respectful and moralistic people have been raised in single or blended family households. Several of my friends were raised by single parents or are single parents themselves, not by choice but because their relationships did not work. Surprisely (to people with narrow judgement) some of these mothers wanted to get married to their boyfriends, but it was the man who decided to end the relationship. My one friend is a single mother not by choice, but because her boyfriend lied about wanting to marry her and she found out she was pregnant after the break-up. Often people will make snide comments to her about her moral character, but the irony is many others could be in the same situation if they under different circumstances. Thus, anyone arguing against child support payments often is making a judgement about a certain segment of the population, which is biased and higly prejudiced. There is an argument that we all make judgement calls in making decisions between right and wrong, but there is a difference between narrow minded and discerning judgement. A narrow minded person assumes that many custodial parents will misappropriate child support payments, whereas as a discerning person will realize things vary from case to case.
Just because someone is single and raising their kids on their own does not mean they are a horrible person, and in many cases they are some of the best parents around. Single parents often have to be more resourceful when it comes to feeding and housing their children, especially if they are not receiving their much needed child support payments.
It Takes Two Parents To Raise A Child
The moral indignation some have against child support payment is that the government should not have to get involved with the raising of families, but sometimes a deadbeat parent makes this a necessity. I truly do not like the term deadbeat dads and moms, but if one parent is making more money and is not contributing to the upbringing of their child then this person is being a selfish individual. Another statement that had been made against child support is the custodial parent will spend this money frivolously on their own personal needs, but in most cases this is not going to happen. Most parents going to court to request child support are not going to waste this money on luxury items and need the funds to help provide their children.
There are cases of both men and women being deadbeat parents, which means they are the non-custodial parents who is failing to send funds to the custodial parent. However, the majority of deadbeat parents are still men, even though the deadbeat women need to follow the law and are not above reproach. What is disheartening to read is accounts of how child support should not exist because the custodial parents abuse the funds. A more balanced view of the situation is both custodial and non-custodial parents are capable of not spending adequate funds on their children. Also, I have known several cases where men were not paying child support because they felt too good to make the payments, or they wanted "to teach their ex a lesson".
Bitter Man Withholds Child Support
Once I dated a man who seemed very nice during the first few months, but over time I learned he was very selfish and arrogant. He claimed to live at home with his parents because he had to make child support payments, but then I learned later on he stopped making child support payments and constantly told boring stories about how his ex-wife was never part of his family.
Over time I even learned he made more than enough money to live on his own and pay child support, but his priorities included buying a large screen TV, DVD's, and treating himself to other luxuries. This experience lead me to the firm belief I am better off dating men without kids.
The Guy Who Forgets He Has Another Girlfriend And Child
One of my friends was dating a man who was very dishonest to her. She wanted to marry him, but he broke up with her when he revealed he wanted to marry his other girlfriend because she had a child on the way. My friend would not have dated him is she had known he was also dating someone else, but it was too late when she found out the truth. A few weeks after break-up she learned she was pregnant, but her ex-boyfriend did not even seem to care at the time. He did not show up to the birth, and it was quite some time after the child was born that she even heard from him again.
At first she was willing to live with her parents and take full responsibility for her son since her ex-boyfriend had shown no interest. However, one day out of the blue he decided to take her to court for joint custody because he did not think she would let him see her son. My friend was so hurt by this because she had wanted him to be in the child's life in the first place, especially he was the one who had not shown interest. She fully cooperated with the court because on the other hand she was delighted her ex-boyfriend finally was showing interest in their child and was happy to hear he agreed to pay child support. The irony is he went to court and asked to see his son again, but many a time he fails to make the child support payments. She has struggled working and raising her child, and she never has money for luxuries such as expensive haircuts and vacations.
Thus, it is really interesting that some people jump to the conclusion that child support breaks up families and that non-custodial parents waste the funds. Often people have created blended and non-traditional families because dear old mom or dad did not want to be in the child's life. I really wish people would think more before they make the ridiculous assertion that child support destroys families when often the courts are needed to help rectify parental neglect. If a negligent parent is incapable of helping to pay for the child they created, then we need our legal institutions to step in and make sure this takes place.
Deadbeat Dads
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Comments
Sirdent,
Thanks for commenting on this very important issue. There are many myths regarding child support, but the balanced truth is both custodial and non-custodial parents can act foolishly and selfishly with money. However, even today in most cases a custodial parent petitioning the court is a woman that needs the funds to help support her children. I am not trying to gang up on the dads here, but statistiscally men are much more likely to abandon and financially neglect their children than women, although the latter are not above reproach from the law either.
The cases I talked about were people I knew, so it was very hurtful knowing they had to go through those things. I think it made me stronger and realized I was lucky to have the things I had growing up, and that we should never judge someone who is a single parent, which seems to be a popular thing right now. Thanks for reading and I appreciate your comments as always :).
This is an excellent hub, that I hope a lot of people get to read!!! My parents divorced when my sister and I were young. My father often failed to pay the child support payments, and those days, there was little that could be done about it. We struggled just to make ends meet, and he had more money than he needed. Thank you for writing this, and bringing attention to this important issue.
Anna,
First off I must commend your mom for raising children in such a situation. Over the last few weeks I keep reading accounts by people who say the state should not get involved with families and child support, and some of this prejudiced information is even being presented here at Hubpages. I have many friends who were either raised by a parent who was not receiving child support payments, or who now raising kids and are receiving no help from the fathers. I know there are some moms who are non-custodial parents who fail to pay child support to custodial fathers, but by and large the statistics show it is men who are not making the payments. I just wanted to write this hub to show we should be highly suspicious of those who are against child support payments, and why are they so against it? Just something for people to think about.
Thanks for all the comments. Here is where we throw our heads back and laugh at our fabulous legal system. Not only do people not pay support, they don't even show up in court. Now who makes these laws anyway. Our state legislators and you know how much trouble they are in today with all the money they have spent with no accountability. This is the generation who thought they had a better idea than their parents. Excuse us for laughing. This is the promise generation. They promise this and they promise that. Funny how their promises never seem to materialize. The credit generation. They treat their credit card payment like they treat their children. The never ending party generation. What in the hell were the parents from the second world war thinking when they raised these brats. Struggle builds character gang. Hello Mr. and Ms. America. What was wrong with saving for a house or a car. Oh, yeah. It wasn't instant gradification. These guys could not jump support without a system that allows it. All this whining and crying about having to be responsible. If they can't pay why not let them have a county job so the DA can see to it they pay instead of spending the taxpayers money. California is really in debt over all this. Oh, they can't see their kids. Take them down to a visitation station so the court can record all this and see if it's another one of their games their playing, only now they play them with the judgel. Why. Because they think the court is not watching that's why. Give it up guys. The state is not your parent. And hey parents did anyone tell you that sex is instant gradification. Would you allow someone to live in your house for a year with no rent. This is the over parented generation. The kids of the sixties can't stand whining. It makes them feel guilty. Take a tip from the program Malcolm in the Middle. Lois would not allow all this whining and crying to go on. Why should we. So since the phase is instant gradification take a lesson from that. Don't you remember the bad seed with little Patty McCormick or Willie Wonka and the chocolate factory??????????? Wow, how soon the forget. "I want it now Mommy, now". Take these kids off to the juicing room. This generation can't even wait for it's burrito to cook in the Microwave. The credit card companies know how much a promise is worth now since the banks had to be hauled out by the government. Our parents worked hard for what they had, and they took care of it too. It lasted for decades. I would just say that it's time to stop the instant gradification agenda. It won't hurt your children to work hard to get things it builds character. If other people break court orders or probation they go to jail. It's the breaking of the court order here that is the point. Since when have we gotten into the mode of rewarding people who disrespect the court. Respect. Wow what a word. Believe me ladies and gentlemen it means alot. So go back home and find out how many people in your life are getting something for nothing on the Instant Gradification system an kick them to the curb. Show a little bit of that spunk Lois has for Malcolm. And hey you judges. These people are breaking your court orders. This is child psychology 101. If you reward your kids in the front they've got nothing to work for except the next goody you decide to hand them because they have manipulated you. Next time your kid asks you for something for nothing because his peers have it, give his the Lois treatment. That is why this program is so funny. Lois is an admirable character. She gets results. Does your kid really need all this crap? You will be building a better tomorrow and maybe, just maybe your son might appreciate what you taught him and teach it to his kids.
Thanks for your passionate response. Althought I do not entirely agree with what you are saying, I appreciate your comments.
I've seen a lot of my friends struggle to raise their children because the non-custodial parent refused to pay child support. Who does it hurt the most? The children. Who remembers what it was like to grow up in a home where the custodial parent had to scrape, fight and haul the other parent into court just to get the funds to raise the child? The children. Many of my friends' children have NO TIME for the non-custodial parent that had no money (and if you think they had no money, you KNOW they had NO time for their kids). It's sad, but what goes around eventually does come around in the form of the children not knowing the other parent, they harbor resentments toward them, the list goes on and on. Children are not pawns. It's very sad. It's a rarity for parents to sit down and be rational for the good of raising good kids even if the marriage didn't work out. I work in an office where I see divorce attorneys in action and am amazed that two people are willing to spend $400/hr. to "settle" their differences, most of them being custodial! It's a crying shame. Very good blog. You did your friends proud by giving a fair shake to this situation. My hat is off to you!
I appreciate your comments Dink96. Welcome to Hubpages!
I would first like to commend you on your writing. I can feel your passion. I would like to tell you that I am a 23 year police veteran who has spent many hours transporting "Deadbeat Dads" to and from the courthouse for their hearings. I believe that, where the courts are concerned, child custody and support are taken much more seriously now than they were a decade ago. Thank you for this article.
I don't think you should write off dating any man with kids just because he has kids. Dump him because he is a bunghole.
Hi James,
I guess the passion for this piece came from seeing real life women struggle to raise their kids when the fathers did not always contributed as much as they could have. I must also commend you because working in law enforcement is not an easy job to say the least. Thanks for sharing your story.
hot dorkage,
I know there are lots of great guys with kids out there, but I just do not feel the compatibility between me and men with kids. So for me it just makes things easier not to go there in the first place. Thanks for sharing.
SirDent says:
13 months ago
Very well written hub. I am glad you took a lot of time to research this out and state facts instead of the many myths that you mentioned were circulating.
Even though it hurt to read them, I am grateful that you put the examples in the last three capsules here. Great job of writing.