The Unmentionable Itch
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OK, I said nothing was taboo and I meant it. So, to prove it, I'm going to start this blog off proper with some straight talk about the dread and never discussed (cue dramatic music here)... Anal Itch.
Women have pretty much accepted the fact, and it's even become socially acceptable (although Miss Manners would strongly disagree with me), that guys occasionally "adjust" and scratch... so long as it doesn't get too graphic... or involved. Keep it discreet. But, there aren't too many places one can scratch his ass (or work to dislodge those tidy-whities, if you're wearing those).
There are generally two causes of anal itch: 1} The Wild Hair scenario. In this case the right scratch can remove the offensive little bastard. 2} Irritation caused by "residue." Because it can be more difficult for men to completely clean this sensitive area, especially with that ultra-soft pillowy toilet paper (give me the cheap stuff you find at a public restroom any day), even the tiniest bit of residual matter (I believe this is referred to as "dingle-berries") can cause irritation and even a rash.
But, take heart. There's a simple way to prevent this from happening and, more importantly, to offer quick relief of any discomfort you may be already suffering. What can this miracle of miracles be, you might ask? Common conditioner. But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.
First and foremost, you must clean the area each and every time you shower, and a body wash or shampoo works best. Personally, I'm convinced they're the same product put into different packaging. If you've got a hand-held shower head this is even easier. If not, you can still do manage it... just use your imagination. Then, if you've got any itching or irritation going on, apply the conditioner and leave it on for a minute or so, but be warned, if there's even a slight rash, it'll sting, but only for a second or two. The soothing, cooling relief is immediate after that. And, I'm sorry to say, it's been my experience that the better the conditioner, the better it works, so don't go for the bargain stuff.
At this point I should say that if this nifty method doesn't work for you and your problem gets worse, you should probably think about seeing a doctor.
That being said, I discovered this wonderful trick out of desperation during the summer of my 16th year and I haven't had any problems since. And... I've never had hemorrhoids. Ever.
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Comments
Scott! Figures you'd choose this one to read...8-) I always thought it was "tidy" because they're white, duh! Besides, when did you become the underwear expert?
I couldn't advise you on the "sticky balls" situation (EW! and you do know this is a public forum, right? But, you're safe, this one hardly ever gets read)... never been plagued by that particular affliction. Off the top of head? I'd say try boxers, or go commando.
The vid's busted, ay? And... I forgot to shrink it down like the rest of them, too. I'll just remove it. Hey, thanks for stopping by! Yours is the first comment left by family. Really appreciate it! Totally... no, seriously... I really do... entirely... no bullshit, man... honest injun...
wow, this was slighty uncomfortable to read, but if it works thats good. Spread the word I guess. and eww to the sticky balls, wash them.
I just don't know what to say.
I'm glad you found a solution to your, um, problem, C.S. I've never read a how-to article quite like this before. At least not on this subject matter - you get points for originality.
I'm going away now....I feel like I've peeked into the men's change room.
Gwendy and Shirley, I think this was the first thing I wrote on HP and I wanted to be completely original, and straight forward. Judging be your reactions, I think I made it.
BTW: Scott is my cousin and I THINK (but one never knows for sure with him) he was kidding.
You were definitely completely original and straight forward, no worries there!
Your cousin should maybe see a doctor? :)
I've been telling him that for years!
And hey, where else would a guy get this kind of info?
I honestly don't know! You mean men have been on a quest to fix this problem in their own little worlds of secret shame? They don't teach this stuff in high school gym or health class, huh? Don't discuss it over beer?
I just learned something, 'cause I thought men openly talked about anything even remotely connected to that part of the body. Your cousin could prove a case in point.
Gym class is all about "locker room humor" and showing off.
We do ...with friends.
I'm chuckling....you must consider hubbers and public readers your friends. You're a brave man.
It's easy to be brave when no one knows your address...
Haha, true.
By the way, I mentioned you in my Anal Probe hub because of this article.
Oh my God. I've got to check that out.
I think I'm worried...
You may have multitudes of men asking you for answers.
CRAP! I just realized that I forgot to link you! Going to take of it now.
Thanks! and that hub is funny.
Thx!
I had a problem with a video earlier. I could watch it on YouTube but when I posted it here it said it was unavailable.
Anyway, great hub. That itch could also be worms :)
Ha-ha UW. The "unavailable video" happens sometimes with YouTube videos.
since I have been a long time sufferer of this condition, I gave it a read. since getting into a domesticated relationship, I threw out all whiteys, boxers, and boxer briefs, and switched to only dark colored under apparel, preferably black. She appreciated that.
Interesting, Goldentoad. Dark under apparel, eh? I prefer loose und comfy myself... and patterns, like plaids.
Thanks for reading. Hope it helped.
No, it didn't help, but it made feel me better that I'm not alone. Ha!
Ha-ha! I meant the conditioner. It WILL help...
lol. I second that notion. It is indeed to be brave when no one knows your address. lol. ; )
Ha-ha. Thanks for reading, Mellas.
Ok even more unsure now why I came to this hub, but what an all out laugh!! CW, so sorry you suffer from itchy ass syndrome but am glad you have found relief. If it is a universal male problem, you know.. dingleberries and such, perhaps you could find a company to repackage conditioner into little containers of "CW's Itchy Asscream" and you could become rich and famous. Just a thought.
-Lisa, hilarious, but I think I gave the wrong idea in the hub. I don't suffer from itchy-ass-syndrome (that's hilarious! call it ISS), not since I was a teen. I wrote this piece to do the same for others.
Scottly says:
2 years ago
It's spelled "tighty-whiteys" not "tidy-whiteys" - ya dumbass! 8-)
Anyway, does this help resolve the dreaded "sticky balls" situation as well? If you're not sure, I'll let you know shortly!
P.S.: Trying to play the video now results in a "We're sorry, this video is no longer available." message.