The Upsides of Courting

There is a big difference between dating and courting. Often I wish that we could just give up dating entirely in favor of courting, because courting leads to much better relationships. These relationships are better for many reasons, one of which is stability. A courting relationship is much more stable because of the commitment involved (this is about the point where I lose many pro-dating people).

It seems like we Americans tend to favor things that require no commitment. "Risk-Free Thirty Day Trial" and "100% guaranteed return policy" and "Don't buy it till you try it" are things we are all familiar with and count on in our modern industrial nation. So is it any wonder that we want relationships with no commitment, the kind that we can slip out of if we begin to feel uncomfortable? But you can't find the kind of satisfaction you are looking for in a romantic relationship unless you are willing to commit yourself to making it work.

Romance never just happens for very long; after the first sparks begin to die down we must work at the relationship to keep it from going cold entirely. Perhaps it is the thought of having another thing to work at that keeps us from committing to relationships. We work all day, pay bills, cook, clean, etc. and we think we deserve to just relax at the end of the day. The problem is that if you and the other person just want to relax and you have different ideas of what constitutes relaxation you are going to have a problem on your hands. But, if both of you want what the other person wants and are willing to compromise that little bit of work will pay off with a nice relaxing evening for both of you.

No, it's not always that easy, and sometimes it feels impossible. Believe me, I know how that feels. And you know what, it is impossible. I admit it, it is impossible to sacrifice for the other person on your own strength. That is why we need a bigger power to help us so that we can keep doing the impossible and sacrificing for the other person.

My one word of warning is that if the other person is not interested in sacrificing for you then you may want to rethink committing yourself long-term to this person. If you want to spend your life with someone, make sure that person will be just as committed to sacrificing and compromising as you will (assuming you will). This is one area in which it is okay to be particular; don't get desperate and just throw yourself on anybody. Make sure you are getting your energy, strength, and self worth from a bigger power and you will not be so needy when it comes to romance. This will help with stability because the other person will not feel pressured to validate you and will be able to open up to you and share a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with you.

I last wrote about stability and commitment, and I think that this element of trust will build off of those. Trust is a big deal, especially since it often feels impossible to find. But don't give up, it can be cultivated in your relationship with a little commitment and hard work.

Trust requires commitment. Though this may seem obvious, take a moment to let it sink it. True commitment will lead to trust, the two are inevitably intertwined. When the two people know they are commited to each other they trust one another to be there for them, to love them, and to take care of them should something bad happen. Trust is so hard to find, but once you find it you will never be satisfied in a relationship without it.

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, and I trust him completely. For the first year we were together we lived thousands of miles apart, and even now we are hours apart. Even though he could have cheated on me and I would have never know, I know that he didn't and wouldn't. I know how commited he is to making this relationship work and so I can trust him completely even when we are two or three thousand miles apart.

I know that for most people this kind of trust does not come as easily as it did in my relationship, but it can always be achieved if both people are willing to work at it. And it is so worth it to have someone in your life that you can trust completely. I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.