THE VOICE OF TOSSED

It's noon of the last day of the year. It's the last time to feel the breeze of December. It's the last time to hear the bark of the Dog and the last time to take a look at 2006. It's been a fast year indeed! I can't explain how quickly time rolls by, changing days to months....every sunrise followed by sunset

Things run mysteriously and unexpectedly. The world rotates with great ambiguity... and now I'm racing with the sunset. Soon the last sunset of the dog will fade... soon its color will be diminished. By just a blink you will miss how mysteriously wonderful the sunset was. As the waves toss on the shore, creating the sound of nature, singing the voice of the nymph, it seems that they are saying something to me. It seems that its sound depends upon the one who listen and watch it. (The toss keeps telling me what this heart really says and cares for; as I wait to hide on its horizon the yellow-orange sparkled with red and gray sunrays of Aurora). I don't understand this sentence - I think it is better to omit it)

It seems like yesterday... when everything changed... once happy... suddenly overwhelmed... once whole... now a mess... once it was a good sunset yet it turned to black. Everything changes through the lapse of time just like the waves... once small then comes big... then huge. All of them creating different sounds as they reach the shore. Loud... splash! Then calm. Loud again... splash! It's quite my entire year... it's quite my life. It starts the year with a loud and lively splash!

At first, I was on a boat, sailing happily quietly in the sea with him beside me as tbe waves sing to our laughter. By the second, the sun rose high with its blue sky and everything runs on line for us... it's so happy... so lively... full of glitters of happiness. Our happiness continues till the third one... and I hope it won't end. But the world plays a cruel game... it plays in a different perspective than you wish.

The boat got a hole on its side. We tried to mend and fix the hole but we failed to do so. Till both of us get tired. He leaves me. He jumps to the water and promises he'll be back with help. I believe him at that time. It's the fourth now and I know he isn't coming back to rescue me. I want to believe but deep inside I know I can't figure it out. I know it's a joke. He s to be alive than to be with me till we both die. This time I quit! I stop mending the boat. I sit and let the water enter the boat. I can feel the dampness on my feet, getting soaked by the water.

By the fifth, our boat sinks and my life sinks too. I try again to mend the hole but it's too late. Just what a saying says, "it needs two to tango". I let our boat sink as I sink with my tears. I go down; sinking deeper and I can't breathe.

By the sixth to the eight, my soul is drowning to the water. I'm wandering in the big expanse of the sea. I can hear the nymph again singing my solitude. I let my eyes be numb of crying, flowing... going wither... never knowing where the waves will will bring me. Till by the ninth, it is a clear night as I grab a log to save me. Thank God I'm still alive... thank God there's still light. But the log never heals my wounds. It never cures the numbness. The waves toss me nearer to the shore. And I'm still floating with my tears.

By the tenth, I see him again but he never sees me. I am still on the water and he walks away from the sea with his hands in his pockets, walking slowly away from me again. It hurts me to see him getting further and further away, but I know he was here for me. I can see the tears flying in the air as he walks leeward. The breeze whisper to me the voice of his breath, "I miss you".

By the eleventh he comes back. He finally sees me but I am unconscious now. I am lying on the sand as the water tosses my body. He cries as he pulls me away from the water. He cries as he embraces me. I want to embrace back but I can't. I'm am just a soul now... a drifting soul. I see everything as he cries and feelssorry. I try to go back to my body but I can't. For I know my wounds are still fresh. I want to put away the problem of the past but it covers the future. Doubt hides the beat of the heart. I doubt if he is crying because of love or because of pity. Does he loves me or just needed me? I step back away from him. I'm trying to weight things... searching for forgiveness one more time... searching for a second chance.

Now it's twelve. I found myself back to my body again. He is still with me, with his damp eyes. We are near enough to feel each other breathe, breathing our hopes. He embraces me. No words are spoken. Stares and the beat of our heart are enough to articulate our emotions.

It is sunset now and he is still here, sitting beside me. It seems that the beat of heart is still hidden in the pirates' chest. But before the sun sets on the horizon, he whispers, "Don't be sad. Time will come when our boat will rise again and sail one more time. I'll wait for it". My tears fall and he wipes them. My hope and his hope are the voices of the waves... that our boat will rise and sail again... and next time it will never sink nor be destroyed.

As I found another space for forgiveness in my heart, the waves speak to me once again saying, "The reason it hurts to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand years before this one and in each time we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come..." "This was his voice on the day you saw him again walking away." My tears fall like a falls as I remember how he always quotes tjhese words of N. Sparks. 10-31-06