The War Came Home to Me Today
67
Someone I Knew Has Died
The war came home to me today. Little Danny Farkas is dead and that hit me in a place that no newspaper article, radio program, or CNN report can touch. It isn’t that I was close to Danny. It is just that I remember him as a little boy—a serious big eyed 10-year old who lived around the corner from me in Brooklyn. I wasn’t even that friendly with the family, although his mother, Miriam, and I were casual friends who socialized a bit and worked together on various neighborhood projects. I haven’t seen or talked to a member of the Farkas family in fifteen years, but somehow, when a friend from the old neighborhood called me yesterday to tell me the news, I was moved in the deepest core of my being. I wept for Danny, for his mother Miriam, for the other Farkas kids, and for all the men and women, military and civilian, who have died in this conflict and will die in future ones. While I have uncles who died in WWII and schoolmates who died in Viet-Nam, until now the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq have been a matter of political rather than personal feeling. Today my heart is heavy in a new way because a man I knew as a little boy is dead.
I wonder how Miriam is doing. Perhaps I will call her. I shall certainly send her a note. She is a remarkable woman. She was born Jewish in Romania during World War II which though she never talked about it, must not have been exactly a walk in the park. As a teenager, she emigrated to Israel and still later to the United States. When I met her in the late seventies she had recently been widowed. Her husband had been killed in an industrial accident leaving her with five children to raise. The youngest was only a baby at the time. Raise them she did, in a crumbling but beautiful Brownstone she bought on the cheap in the Ft. Greene section of Brooklyn. It must be worth a fortune today. In those years the family lived on the ground floor and the rest of the house was rented out to make ends meet. Everybody worked and Miriam eventually went back to school and got a college degree. Her garden was beautiful and her hospitality warm. I remember sitting at her table drinking coffee and having to use non-dairy creamer in it instead of milk because Miriam kept a kosher home. Even though I hated the creamer, I respected Miriam for her principles and the excellence of the conversation always made me forget the lousy coffee. It’s these memories of small, everyday things that make me cry—not the big concepts of freedom and democracy that the flag-waving pundits talk about on the evening news.
Long after I left Brooklyn Danny Farkas grew up and became a New York City cop. How he ended up in the Army and in Afghanistan I do not know. But it was there, after 42 years on this earth, that his life came to an end last week. Ironically, he died on July 4th-- America's Independence Day. According to an account I found online, it was a non combat death and is being investigated. Whatever—dead is dead .The funeral will be held today, in Brooklyn. They will say the Jewish prayer for the dead, which I have heard only one time in my life, but which I remember because the sound of its ancient mournfulness is so powerful. I wish I could be there to say good-bye, but I can’t. So instead, I am writing. Good bye, Danny. Sleep well, rest in peace and may the God of your understanding be with you now and always.
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Comments
R.I.P DANNY
Prayers for the family.
I'm so sad to hear that. The longer this war goes on the more people that will be personally effected by it.
This is tragic, the people this war is taking and the way it is taking them. As more soldiers die and more come home maimed, more of us are touched by this horrifying war on a personal level.
Prayers for Danny. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for sharing this Robie. All of our hearts are extended to this family at their great loss. July 4th - "Our" birth? Life has interesting ways in which to be heard...
tDMg
LdsNana-AskMormon
Beautiful tribute... and reminder.
Thank you Robie... and Danny, godspeed.
Robie,
It is always a shock when we hear of the death of someone we know, in any situation. It just seems to remind us that we are all subject to this "new adventure" of life. I believe that this tribute will be much appreciated by the family, as it was a beautiful one.
Thanks.
I sobbed as I read this: for Danny, for his family and for all our servicemen and woman who have been killed and so injured and so neglected by our government if they DO make it home alive--and for the civilians who have been killed and injured in this cruel, senseless war we entered because we were lied to. If the Iraqis can't or won't be responsible for themselves now, they never will be. Bring our toops home now!
Thank you for sharing this loving and heartbreaking memory of Danny and his family and expressing the sympathy I'm sure we all feel.
Thanks for the comments, everyone. I wrote this this morning, quickly as a kind of catharsis for myself.
I don't know if it's about Danny, Miriam or the war itself or all wars in general. Whatever, I am sad today and writing about this was my way of attending the funeral of a man I didn't know and a little boy whom I did. Like Rodney King said " why can't we all just get along?":-)
A wonderful tribute, robie2, to yet another of our young men and women who have been sent overseas in harm's way never to return. Your tribute hits home to me as well because, although I didn't know Danny Farkas, it personalizes the loss. Few of the more than 4,000 we've lost in Afghanistan and Iraq have been more than just a number because we see no flag-draped coffins or funerals. Neither do we see, or have a chance to acknowledge, the services of those who return home with unspeakable injuries. For that reason, your tribute is especially important.
So sad, Robie, but a lovely tribute. Thank you for sharing this.
Robie, thank you for sharing very sad moments about the Danny boy you knew and to pay him a tribute on Hubpages. Not only to him, but to all soldiers who are giving their life for their country.
Hello William-- and thank you for that observation. Yes, it seems we are so often robbed in this war of our right to grieve by a government that fears the disapproval of its people.
Hi Amy and Solarshingles. Thanks for stopping and commenting. Yes Solarshingles, I agree. All soldiers who give their lives for their country deserve our respect. I grew up in a military family and I know my father felt that way.
Peace be with you, Danny.
A beautiful tribute. Thank you, Robie2, for bringing us a face and a name. You and William are right ... government does not want us to know the deep human truths behind the headlines.
May Danny and his comrades rest in peace, with our deep respect and gratitude. And may this war that should never have begun, end soon.
I'm very sorry for this loss and for everyone pained by it. I think you've honored his memory well with this Hub, and really put some feeling into it that is difficult to be found in mainstream media. I too hope it shall be over soon.
A truly beautiful piece, robie, and a wonderful way to remember this young man.
May God be with the family in this time of grief and sadness.
Robie2, Thank you for sharing. Even here in old africa I am saddened at the loss for u, the familie and amerika as a nation.
As glassvisage said 'U have honored his memory so well'. Well said and it touched all of us, even though we dont even know each other.
Hi Robie,
I just spent Saturday evening with my brother, who is four years older than me. He served in the Air Force from 62-66. We talked about that time, and I told him how I cried when he left, I was heartbroken. I asked him does he remember my writing to him and sending him cookies, he said yes, of course. I reminded him that I still have the dolls he brought home for me. He and I are very fortunate we can sit together some 40+ yrs later and share those memories.
Had he died while serving, I believe my heart would have been ripped out and I would never have recovered. My heart is very sad to hear of your loss, and our country's loss of this fine young man. My deepest sympathy and prayers go out to you and your friend and his family at this very sad time.
Thanks for sharing Robie,,
Trish
Goodness, there have been so many comments since I checked here last night. I thank you all for honoring, not only Danny, but all the men and women everywhere who serve their countries in battle.
In early April, NPR radio's Talk of the Nation interviewed Chris Jones, who wrote The Things That Carried Him, an article appearing in Esquire Magazine in May, that follows a soldier's final journey home from the war in Iraq. Along with giving us a moving picture of the honorable transfer of remains, the author also enlightens us as to why we see no flag-draped coffins or funerals, a position the Pentagon took several years ago.
The interview is 30 minutes long, and I think listening to it is another way, in addition to your warm tribute, Robie, that we can honor Danny Farkas and all who gave their lives for their country.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?story
I join the other Hubbers here in expressing sympathy to Danny's family, and, Robie, I hold your hand in sorrow.
Sally
Robie, your words are a fitting tribute to not only Danny, but the many others who have died or will die in this "war". I am typically an optimist about many things. But this conflict I have a difficult time with. It seems the purpose is undefined, the end undefined, and the cost undefined. At least with the last great, justifiable war we fought (WWII), we had these definitions intact.
My prayers go out to the Danny's family as well as all others who are serving. It is not the soldier's fault they are there; for I greatly support our soldiers. The longer this "war" ensues however, the more Dannys will perish for no purpose whatsoever. This is tragic to say the least.
America Bless God and God Bless America because we sure need it!
Thank you Sally for that very interesting link. I found it fascinating and moving. And Rob, I couldn't agree with you more about the Iraq war--Afghanistan at least there was a reason for, I remember all too well the way we Americans treated vetrens from Viet Nam, and am happy to see that most of us these days honor the soldiers if not the war. Thanks for such a thoughtful, meaty comment.
A sad and moving tribute. the almost anonymity of the soldiers dying in Iraq and Afghanistan tends to pass us by. But you have humanised this one death for anyone who reads your hub and perhaps pointed out the futility of useless wars and deaths.
Thank you sixtyorso--it is so sad that behind each death statistic is an individual human being with a life and a family--We see so few of them.
Thanks for sharing this. We in the UK are part of the same 'war' and we too continue to loose fine young people, particularly in Afghanistan. Let's hope and pray for political change, more dialogue and a fresh vision for the best way to overcome terrorism .
Amen,Rik! Thanks for commenting
The small, everyday things are what life is made up of. Freedom and Democracy have no hand to hold, no tears to wipe and no smiles to recall. Wonderfully touching tribute, Robie.
Lovely thought, shadesbreath
Robie, I can hardly see through my tears. This is such a lovely tribute, and so very heartfelt. I looked at my own 10 year old son after reading this and hoped and prayed that he will be safe and free in the future. Best, Steph
Robie, I can't add anything new to the wonderful and thoughful comments here, so I'll just say: Good job! You've Danny proud!
Thanks Steph--and howdy Jama--thanks for stopping by:-)
Sorry to hear about this tragic casualty of war. Thank you for sharing, and I am sure his family would greatly appreciate this Hub and your thoughts and prayers.
Thanks for stopping by, Ann, and for adding your voice here:-)
Just read this hub tonight, and it saddens me to think of men and women losing their lives in the war, and to think of the sorrow of the parents; losing a son or daughter is something one never really gets over with. Perhaps you can share this hub with his Mother, it will, I think be give her some solace to see such a touching tribute to her boy.
Your words touched me and I have no doubt that the family will appreciate it. While it may not mean much to the family now.....there are people out there that are eternally grateful for the sacrifice they have made. While I may not support the war I sure as heck support each and everyone of the men on women who are actively involved in the conflict.
Shaye
p.s it may not mean much but I have stumbled this hub, reddit, dugg it and that's just to name a few....trying to spread the word about Daniel and your support.
Thanks Violet Sun-- and you too Shaye. I too hate the war but respect the warrier.
Well done for writing and posting this tribute, Robie. Too many have died on all sides of this war.
Agreed Paraglider-- too many both military and civilian deaths on all sides.
Two people I know have died in Iraq. One was a new father and husband of a former student. The other was a major who was involved in the finding of Saddam Hussein's "spider hole" hideaway.
I have heard from others that loved-ones, former neighbors and relatives have been killed or wounded.
I wrote a hub called who speaks for the veterans? In it I mention that apart from the more than 4,000 dead American soldiers sent into a needless war by our current president, many more have been wounded. Some will die of their wounds, if not today, then someday all too soon. Others will linger a long, slow death in a V.A. hospital, forgotten after a time by most everyone they knew before being sent off to war.
When I was a medic in the Air Force I met people who bore the scars of war long after they returned home. Max was a D-Day survivor who, as his landing craft hit the beach, he was knocked backwards as a machine gun killed everyone in his LST. He lay unable to move beneath a pile of comrades, dead and dying, all the long trip back to England.
He survived, and as he told it, he was the only one of his company who did survive, and it tortured him for the rest of his life.
The survivors often suffer long after their time in the service has ended.
My prayers for all who lost family, friends and acquaintences in this and any other war. My condolences to all of us for having lost ANYONE in Iraq. I have no way to express my pain that your sons and daughters were sent into harm's way.
How sad these indidivuals' stories are, each death in every war, -- put them together and the very earth moans under a cloud of despair and pain. I am sorry for all the losses and for Dainel's.
Some of my students have served in Iraq and some have come back alive. Other have come back mentally damaged and it is frightening.
Thanks for sharing more than your thoughts but your memories.
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. My consolations to you and Danny's family.
Hi Chef Jeff an thanks for the long comment. Danny died in Afghanistan not Iraq but the place doesn't matter--the death is the same. I agree with you Patty about the sad ravages of war and Somelikeitscott and Monitor--thank you both for your kind and sensitive words.
Danny and i were best friends when we were kids growing up in Brooklyn. We met at Harry Halpern dayschool and i used to go over his house and play - this was in the early 1970s. Sadly Danny and i lost touch when my family moved to New Jersy in 1975 and i only saw him sporadically after that. i last saw him at my bachelor party in 1999 in the city. Danny lived an incredible life, truly made a difference in the way he chose to live his life, and i am extremely saddened by his senseless death. i am proud to have known him and my heart goes out to his family and friends.
Hello Brad--Thanks for your comment. Danny was indeed someone who "made a difference". I didn't know how much until I spoke to a friend who attended the funeral. Here's a link to a video and article about the service for Danny.
hi robie, weeks have already passed when you wrote this hub. But I feel so much of your heart as I read this so I will still take the time to post a comment. I agree with what the others have commented about the loss and the senseless wars and so on...but what struck me also was what you said. "It’s these memories of small, everyday things that make me cry..." There is so much truth in that. I too feel these things. And it is in this way that we get connected, the conversations over a cup of coffee, the giggling boys at play and so it goes. As we mourn for the loss of a loved one, I pray that the little but wonderful memories we have of them will help with the pain. My heartfelt prayers to the family in this time of mourning. Thanks robie for sharing your heart.
Thanks for reading and commenting, ripplemaker. It is always so nice to see your gentle spirit here on hubpages. Yes it is the small things of life that we remember isn't it--especially when people are gone from this world.
I knew Dan Farkas from work (the military and I knew him as a police officer) everything he did in life was decicated to professionalism and selfless service, I am sorry to say but I did not know him well enough to know about his family. I knew him as Army Specialist and Seargeant, all the while he was also serving the community in NYC as a Police Seargeant at the time. No task was beyond him and all were completed above and beyond. He even left to work in the Balkans help build their Police force and train them. He lived life to help others and in service to others. While he will be missed he did not die in vain.
I am truely astonished how complete strangers would use this site and his memory to mis-state and to politize his death. Even use their mis-guided understand of the location of his death. No War is good but unfortunately there comes a time when one must stand up and protect themsleves as well as the weak. Dan did this all the time in more places around the world then most of the posted repliers could locate on a map. I hate to say but it seems typical of a certain group to use sites like this for nefarious means. Even possibly hoping for more loss and or complete surrender.
I wish his family well as well as those that truly knew him
My heart goes out to you. Anytime someone you remember dies, it effect you.
Hello RG and thanks for reading and commenting:-) Much appreciated.
So sorry for Dan and his family. It seems like everybody knows someone who has died in Iraq.....and Cliff, I don't think it's disrespectful or political to mention that war is horrible...the devestation and inhumanity implicit in war is tragic. A warrior's death is a loss to his family and all who love him and it is possible to admire the courage of such bravery while hating war itself.
Amen, Dolores-- thanks for reading and commenting:-)
Ralph Deeds says:
16 months ago
Sad and unnecessary.