Let's start off with the obvious, so we don't have to come back to it.

Guys want three things from women to make them happy: sex, more sex and being a woman's hero, in that order.

Women want companionship, comfort and love, in any order that is most important to them.

How these two lists of what men and women want is the starting pint of every relationship.

Now then, when you, a woman, want to start a relationship you usually get a lot of advice from your girlfriends about how to proceed to capture the guy's attention and interest. Unless, of course, he has approached you first.

Now, regardless of that "first contact" incident, a relationship starts to form. And the rules of the relationship are starting to be formed. Noting definite, but remember that this is the very early stage of the relationship. Maybe there hasn't even been an "official" date yet, just some "hanging around" together.

This is when the guy is at his least powerful, most easily intimidated, state.

This is also when you need to exert yourself to gain control over the relationship, if any starts.

"A woman that can choose has power over men."

I want you to think back to any relationship you've had with a guy, or if you even have not yet dated think back to a time when you really liked a guy and how you behaved at that time.

Generally, women hold back and wait for the guy to make the first moves, being an aggressive women, it is said, scares men off. That's a big lie that will be examined later in this article.

So, here you are, liking a guy, and your friends get involved, offering advice, using their keen senses of "love detection" to help you make the first reactionary steps to the guy's first stumbling moves.

The guy, his part is quite awful here, sends out probes from friends. he asks you to "hang out" so that there isn't an "official" date, so that he doesn't have to fear rejection. If there isn't a date he can't get dumped from it, he is free to "hang out" with you or move away from you and hang out with his friends.

"Hanging out" is bad… very bad.

Although this is often how the very first awkward steps of dating start, you need to get a guy committed to actually dating you, and not hanging out, as soon as possible.

And this is how you do that:

Stop texting him, IMing him, passing messages through friends, all those things that are one and two-dimensional. These actions are very bad because they don't force a guy to open himself up to being "officially" with you, these things force you to interpret the things the guy does because you never get the "whole picture" of his communications with you.

When a guy texts you, always, and I mean ALWAYS, text him back and say, "you have my number, call me".

You need to have him follow your direction. You must have him need you enough, and open himself up to rejection by you (a major fear for guys, this rejection business) that he will follow your direction, that he will open himself up to his greatest fears, the denial of your company and all that might include.

A woman that can choose, that can crack the whip of decision, will always have the control over the relationship that is so important.

Do you really want to be cowed by the indecisiveness of a guy. Of his "Let's just hang out" suggestions rather than having a definite plan of what to do together?

Rule #1

Crack the whip and tell him what you want to do.

Crack the whip and have him call you, instead of letting him off easy by having long texting conversations.

Crack the whip and always have an alternative plan that does not include him if he cannot have a good idea of something to do together, that does not include your whole group of friends.

"Hanging out" is not a date and you want to force him into a place and event that is a date as soon as possible. Some may say that this is moving to fats, that your aggressiveness will scare him away, but to that I say if a man cannot handle a woman that has a decisive mind, then he deserves someone else.

When a woman has a strong personality men will follow them, like the good little puppies they usually are (except for the freaks and geeks that prefer anything else to the company of a woman) and they will then have a decision to make;

Follow the commands of a woman and have fun with her, or;

Be alone again.

When the two of you are together, do this:

Reach for his hand as you walk together. Hold his hand. he will be a little startled by this 'forward" move of yours, so say to him "It's OK to hold my hand, this is a date, you know."

This small move takes being together to a whole new level, and if the guy is unprepared to actually "date you" when you are together then it's good to know that he is frightened of girls, and that you will hold the whip over him.

Also, never let a guy back down from what you decide.

Should he reply to you "This isn't a date, we're just hanging around" say to him "I have friends I can hang around with. If you just want to be friends and hang around, fine, I have to go" and leave him where he is.

Exert your power. Crack the whip. And when you do, stick with your decision.

Never back down from putting a guy in his place. If you want to date him, make it plainly understood, in words that cannot be interpreted in any other way, that dating is your intention. And if he backs away, then it's better to know this early than waste a lot of time with him so he can attempt to push you into a "friends with benefits" type relationship where he does not have to agree to any formal commitment to you and come and go as he pleases. Never let this happen.

"Friends with benefits" is a farce that has been pushed onto women and invariably they get hurt by a guy that wants sex and you are torn by your own feelings of him that make you hope beyond hope that giving him sex will eventually lead him to form a real, committed relationship with you.

This never happens.

Rule #2

Never base a relationship on sex, on "giving into a guy" in the (misguided) hope that he will love you more than he already does (or doesn't). If you open yourself up to be used, to follow the guy into a relationship rather than lading him, you will get hurt.

You need to be the one cracking the whip, always remember that.

You have the sole power to choose what you do, and where you do it.

So always have a plan, even in the very early stages of what might be a relationship. If he does not have an idea of what to do, you need to have an alternative plan of what to do that does not include him!

Crack that whip and the next time he wants to be with you he will have a good suggestion of something to do. And if it does not agree with you, tell him what you want to do instead. Do not ask him (very important here), tell him what the both of you will be doing, or exclude him entirely.

You have the power to choose, use that power.

Never give that power up, or you'll be second-rating yourself into an unhappy dating experience where you are forced to follow his lead, his indecisiveness, him being sneaky for sex, not putting you first and keeping you in a place where he can always explain away your possible rejection of him.

Rejection by a woman is a guy's biggest fear. Know this. Understand this. Use this.

Crack that whip and have a great relationship, for ever.

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