The art form of Tolerance Learn to not be affected by rude people and build good karma in buckets!

I apologize for not putting a lot of pretty pictures in this hub (I tried but their are alot of places you will have to just read words without the entertainment of images :), I may put some in later but I wanted to release this tonight for a friend (I wrote it for her and thought I'd share it with you guys..)

This is a pretty powerful hub in my opinion, this is one of the hardest lessons people face, tolerating others, but when you master it as I've learned to (and it's a continuing battle to stay sharp still) you will find a new freedom that is remarkably liberating and empowering!

This article is based on a friend of mine's email (which is at the end of this hub just before my reply). In the first part I will break down the concepts of tolerance and how others cause friction (the real reason we get mad at them) then below that you can read the email and my response (which is more direct and to the point). If you wish you can skip down to that part first and read it then read this part to understand the situation I was trying to help her get through.

Millions of people deal with this exact situation every day and this hub hopes to give you the cure and decodes the reason you cannot run from it, it will follow you to any job you go to, their will unless you deal with this always be that "one person in every job who causes friction".

Inspiration for an article often comes in the strangest of places... For me being the person I am it comes often in bulletins where people are ranting about their pain and how others mistreat them. It also comes from my personal life where I watch people struggle with things I've already figured out in my own life the hard and most effective way (like relationship problems, self esteem, and love) of course theirs still lessons but the ones I've conquered I can help others with.

In this hub I'm going to show you through a little psychology and a real world example (that is far too common) how tolerance is learned, its hidden importance in your life, which can be the difference between going to a job you love and hating your boss or going to the job you love and absolutely getting along with every person there phenomenally, including ALL of your bosses.

I want to show you how we often judge too harshly things others do. (Forgive them father for they know not what they do).. I am finding a lot of things in the bible and Dr. Phil's book "Life Strategies" that help me explain this in a very intuitive way, although its a very seemingly, complex subject.

I don't like the rules and limitations of the fixed religion churches, to me if feels a bit military, but If theirs one thing I've discovered in my journey through life these past 33 years its that the answers to all life's complicated and misunderstood situations resides in some very common reading, the bible for one, psychology books for another.

We should be enlightened enough to see past peoples actions to the heart of why their doing them. Most people who act unkindly are simply sad, or frustrated in their life. I know this doesn't give them any right to be unkind but it also doesn't give you the right to reflect that unkindness back.

I realize others may be extremely rude or disheartening, hateful even in some cases, But we need to stop worrying about ourselves so much and start realizing that reaching out to these people will help them AND us. Two wrongs don't make a right. Sometimes people instinctively give love to those who are rude with hopes that it will reset them, thinking because they will realize someone cares for them and realizes that their just angry or acting out of loneliness or something.

The problem is patience on these people's part. They give love but retract it if the person persists to be rude or uncaring. I understand the not wanting to give love if its rejected, doing so is counter intuitive to the untrained mind, especially if its done rudely and blatantly, but realize that they probably didn't get this way over night and so to unwind them may require some real feats of patience on your part.

You should also realize that when they do come around and the bitterness subsides you will be seen as their hero, someone who didn't have to be nice to them and yet was, someone who showed so much compassion when they didn't deserve it that this alone could have been what changed them, what saved them, and what gave them hope again. Some people have been Sh** on so much by others they simply cannot see past the protective filters they built, so patience with rude people is truly a gift you give them.

Ironically in relationships we more than not duplicate this "Nurture to health" technology to try to win our lover back whose stopped loving us and become negative and distant.. in our attempt we usually fail, this is inevitable because this format doesn't work in that type of relationship. Why? It's a whole different ball of wax. It's more personal and you become the target of their rage not the canvas to which to project it (only) as is in the case with the rude persona at work etc..

This being the case everyone's probably tried and failed this over and over again in several relationships so has a certain wall up to using it if it doesn't prove fruitful right off the bat. This is most likely the reason those whom see irritation before compassion in these rude peoples actions themselves give up and throw in the towel after a few attempts to be nice.

Ask yourself before you judge them, why am I affected so drastically by their actions? Why is it so personal to me? These questions will unlock the true reason YOU are mad at them.. Often although their actions are worthy of your upset, it is not their actions or rudeness directly that is causing your emotions to take you over in an angry or irritated trance!

Part of what makes us change from compassionate and patient, understanding that their treatment to us is not so much personal as it is extroverted pain they feel inside, is that part of what makes us mad is that their reflecting what we feel inside our selves, anger in other areas of our life are triggered and brought to surface.. We feel angry only because we are seeing something in us that we ourselves hid away. What is really uncanny is that were angry not at them or their actions so much as were manifesting and projecting our own buried emotional skeletons onto them. You cannot feel something for someone else unless it resides in you too..

For example people with high self esteems and high self images don't see others in negative ways, they have no desire to make fun of people because they simply don't feel this inside themselves. When someone makes you mad it's because you're seeing a part in yourself coming to surface, you're relating to their rage in some way but since it's projected on their actions you blame them for your feelings.

It takes a lot to forgive someone who makes you mad, the reason really though is because whatever it is they are doing, regardless of their intensions towards you, you have to realize that somewhere inside you haven't forgiven yourself or someone else who hurt you in some way.

These feelings are trapped in your subconscious, and sometimes only surface consciously when we see others displaying that pain, and we move these feelings to the conscious mind and the angry feelings we feel are misplaced, its natural to want to put the blame on them, after all their being incredibly rude and irritating.. But ask yourself why you're affected so much by it!

The real reason we get angry is were subconsciously trying to expel the pain out of ourselves so we don't feel it. Blaming others (regardless of their actions) is a temporary relief for us, and although we don't like it when others irritate us its in reality a key to Pandora's box, and when we build up the anger and eventually "explode" and yell at them for what their doing to irritate us, were really venting, and it feels good.

But since were not dealing with the real pain by forgiving whomever (including if its ourselves we have to forgive for hurting someone else!) hurt us, the pain will come back and we subconsciously tag that irritating person with the problem so we don't have to take responsibility for the pain. It's so much easier to externalize the blame and not feel it than it is to feel it and know it's our own fault we can't deal with someone else's behaviors. (Tolerate them).

FORGIVENESS Builds tolerance!

This is a perfect example of why you MUST learn to forgive others. It's not them you're doing it for. It's to release these pent up feelings, associations, painful memories etc.. From your subconscious mind. Not forgiving others is like building hyperlinks to these memories (which are clicked on and the "site" visited every time someone displays events that reflect the pain or what caused it!) which in turn cause chemical reactions to happen in your body when you feel them, and you feel them when others click your link (by displaying the behaviors in concert with those feelings).

Hair Triggers are emotional hyperlinks to pain

People with "hair triggers" are often people who haven't learned to forgive others for hurting them and they carry these "skeletons" in bulk and because they have so many unresolved emotions they are like walking hand grenades of negative emotional outbursts. If others affect you like this you should realize this is the reason and learn how to forgive. Its the key to tolerance.

When you don't forgive you don't release the associations to the painful events in your life, you instead of learning the lessons those events stimulated, and letting the pain go as the conduit for the lesson, hold on to the pain and bury it in denial. Forgiveness is really a simple state of mind, learning to forgive is learning to release the pain, break associations and maintain the lessons still.. You always end up forgiving eventually..

but if you don't do it sooner or later it can be very unhealthy and make you very angry and sad, and your filters for seeing the world are very dismal and dark, you bring more problems into your life because of your actions and others reactions to you.

You lose sight of the reality of life and see only pain, and inflict it in others.. its the person who tolerates you and sticks with you with compassion and kindness that will eventually show you by example to be compassionate and to realize the pain you always see the world through is just a state of mind, once you forgive yourself and others who hurt you the weight is lifted, filter is dissolved and life becomes amazing and clear.. You completely do a 180 and as your actions towards others change so do their reactions and you feel a new lease on life!

I admit it takes patience to even get that far with others who irritate you, but to be realistic it's not them you should be worried about fixing... It's yourself. If you can't without hesitation say your happy, you probably have some forgiving to do. Every person you don't forgive becomes a heavy anchor grounding you away from freedom to express yourself and be happy!

Realize if you "nurse someone's emotions and life back to health" and you one day find yourself in this compromising position (never say never, life can overwhelm anyone and that's how they get infected like this with negativity. its a gradual thing too they never saw it coming) you will be rescued so one way to see your efforts is as an investment in security should you ever land in this spot.. Someone will come rescue you. You can count on it. I always help people (this hub is written from my own experiences and how I live my life) and when I falter someone ALWAYS comes along to cushion my blow and pulls me out of the fire.

It may take a lot to get through to them but eventually you will see a spark somewhere if you persevere. Realize perception is reality so if you update your perception with love and compassion not hate and anger or distain, you can change your patience and how you deal with their attitude. Also note that you have to define their actions which is not too hard due to these people often being predictable and in a loop of the same actions just different words and actions to reflect the same behavior, this is because their acting out pain they feel every day.

A friend of mine mentioned that it's hard to just forgive and want to help them, their so mean and affect me in such a profound and negative way. This is because you've got some faulty wiring in your perception filters being shorted out by your reaction fuse box right behind it. You have to address YOURSELF first so you can be a pure beacon of hope and work from a place of love and compassion. When people piss us off we build triggers from the way we feel when they piss us off and the reaction we feel.

Decoding: "He died for our sins" and "Turn the other cheek"

When Jesus said turn the other cheek he was trying to show us that the only way to break someone out of their spell of anger is not to react to them, to show kindness.. its not weakness to let them strike the other cheek, its strength in saying I will take your anger and pain and let you vent on me, because your not angry at me your angry at yourself and through my compassion I will show you the truth. He died to show these people that they were wrong, and in his death they learned, and taught others and realized their ignorance.. hence the popularity of the Christian and other religions..

When you don't react to their pain their outbursts they will eventually not see the pain they think your creating for them, they will realize eventually that it is them not you they are angry at.

In the movie the passion of Christ actually they showed many of the soldiers watching Jesus on the cross rethinking what they'd done, this was the point of the he died for our sins context. Take it out of religious context and it says forgive others for they know not what they do, show through compassion that you forgive them, and will continue to forgive them, react only with love and kindness and they will see the light!

Misplaced anger (ours)

The hardest thing in the world to do is to realize that although its them pissing us off that the reason were pissed off is not them, its because were misplacing our true reasons for being angry. Our motives for being mad seem external, and logically their the source of the upset sure, but we have to give them permission to upset us, theirs no magical trigger that goes off "Just because" their mad and acting a fool. We project our own internal world out onto the world around us so if someone's pissing us off it's because were seeing in their actions things we dislike about ourselves.

You cannot change them but you can change how you perceive them

You cannot change them directly. You can however change how you perceive them, how you see their actions and you can deal with whatever it is inside you that your projecting onto their actions and not liking. When you first take responsibility for your own emotions, and why you feel angry in the first place you start to understand, that it is not them your angry at, it is yourself.

Once you deal with this aspect you will have more compassion for them and their outbursts, you will have more tolerance for them, and you won't take things so personally. Realize this truth is in that very word "personally" why would you take it personally if it didn't reflect something your feeling inside already? I know it's a hard concept to grasp but its the key to personal responsibility and to tolerating others.

Room full of mousetraps

I'm not condoning their actions in any way, I'm just pointing out the true reason for your distain, anger, or any other generated emotion is yourself. Its not that your doing anything to instigate the emotions, but their there in you and they have triggers which like a room full of mousetraps are set off by the recognition of others behaviors!

If we don't deal with us first, we take improper actions to alleviate our own anger, pain and disgust for their behaviors. If we learn to forgive we skip this part of the process and don't create triggers that end up upsetting us later and infect our patience.

Triggers

If they yell at us and offend us we build a trigger (regardless of why we truly got mad, but that trigger is built around THEM and so it gets to the point where THEY become the trigger not even their actions). This is us intoxicating ourselves because even when that person is being calm or nice we tend to get upset around them tying their PAST behaviors to the present and to our internal reason for feeling angry in the first place.

It becomes a programmed response and unless you're conscious of your triggers being built you won't even realize you did it and will react automatically to their stimulus.

To fix this you just use a very simple but powerful technique to get in there and rip out the blown fuses and frayed wires and replace them with new powerful ones that don't blow out and short circuit your emotions in the process.

By being aware of their predictable behavior you can reframe what each action means to you, reprogram your triggers. Just think of them being rude for example and define that to yourself as acting out in pain, not against you.

One way to reframe is simple. You stand somewhere (away from them, at home or somewhere alone) and close your eyes.

Visualize the person being rude, see it in all its glory but try not to feel the emotions this stimulates. Imagine your standing in a circle and with your eyes closed imagine all their rudeness and reactions are in that circle and imagine (and physically move to) step out of the circle.

Feel the persons negativity separating as you walk out, its locked in here with a force field.. Now imagine throwing a grenade into the circle and vaporizing everything in there. Now step back into the circle (keep the visualizing going) and define what their actions really mean, that their hurt that they need love etc.. Feel the emotions of compassion for them.. Do this for at least 20 seconds, really feel it.

Setting the mental trigger to a new reaction pattern

This sets a mental trigger and the stepping in and out of the circle grounds the event quantumly, so you can feel it as a solid thing and destroy it as if plucking a memory out and watching it melt.. When you step back in the circle where your old concept of their rage is no longer there, the moving back into the circle grounds your mind that this behavior trigger is really gone because you felt it when you stood there a minute ago and shockingly you don't now.

You ever forgot something you were thinking about then walk back to where you had the thought and find it came back to you? This is a trigger, and is what makes this work.

When you replaced the action with a new trigger (compassion) you're redefining a moment that was probably only defined as negative because you defined it that way out of distain when she said something to you etc and felt disrespected.

Change your reaction change their action

What will happen is when she does this action your thought about and changed instead of being triggered negatively you will run the new program when it happens and automatically not feel angry but compassion. You repeat this process for every negative trigger you have anywhere, its liberating as hell!

It truly is a skill set but one worthy of having, as the karma paycheck for using this tool is amazing well being and luck. Just remind yourself their not acting out of personal distain, no matter how they talk to you or how personal they get with the insults.

Use their anger or rather the anger they stir up in you to figure out what dirty laundry you have inside you weren't conscious of.

Instead of getting mad at them realize they are teaching you what daemons are buried in your subconscious.. See the emotions for what they are signs of something inside you that's surfacing.

How could they, they don't know you intimately.. and if they did they wouldn't have this attitude towards you. Dealing with a rude person who for example had a relationship with you is a whole different and more complex animal, as this rudeness is most likely rooted IN YOU not in their projecting their internal dirty laundry on you.

I'll deal with that issue in another Blog if I get the time to write it. I call dealing with that monster (their attitude). The, you messed up their bed you need to make amends and make their bed again, or they will never be the same happy person. It's about taking personal responsibility for your reactions and actions.

Selfless action

Even if for example she hurt you and your actions were justified as retaliation, you have to take responsibility to bring her back. Why would you do that, after all she hurt you right? Because if you think she's a bitch try karma's fury. Hell hath no fury like karma's scorn :)

When you see that spark you will gain patience but it's getting to that point that is the real challenge. It can be as daunting as a poor person trying to get rich. They try hard but see no results for so long they give up. What however they missed that the wealth mindset doesn't is that every action of kindness and motivation DOES do something, even if you don't see it.

You have to have faith that something IS happening. Most people with their ambitious efforts towards wealth set into motion the causes and just before it shows the first signs of success they throw in the towel. No faith killed their dream and it was days from showing them proof..

If they saw how close they came, like the scrooge movie where the ghost of Christmas future showing them what could be if they continued down the same path, path being the operative word, their actions actually create a path, they would kick themselves in their own ass. Its the same with a rude person, you have to have dedication, persevere against all odds, and realize your efforts are not in vane!

It takes a lot of love and patience but if you continue every day to do something, but also do NOTHING that suggests in any way that you'd give up on them (frustration? bad thoughts of "they are impossible" etc.) you will see results.

Don't even react negatively to their attitude or making your life a challenge, they will relax off you if you don't feed their needs to get that reaction. Believe it or not the reactions you have when someone's rude to you are subconsciously their reason for doing it, and if you don't feed that need they get angry at first but eventually stop trying, because people do what works!

They will crack that egg of negativity they've been trapped on like Gilligan's island, only they don't know they are back home.

The spark you'll see will not only be your salvation in this mission, it will be to them like the tunnel at the end of a very long hallway..

They will see the plant of "hope" you just planted tenaciously. This spark will turn into a fire. With these types of people it's usually trust that doesn't allow them to open up so easily. When you persevere, sacrifice your own comfort for a bigger purpose, you will later be rewarded trust me.

When they see that spark which is a crack in their dark shell to the high beam of the sunlight in optimism land where we live out here, they will start to change, subtly at first.. They will start to rethink their life when they get home at night and are lying in bed alone.

Some more time later they will start to open up that shell more and more and all your unbelievable patience and tenacious efforts wont be in vane as they will start to realize (when the shell starts to peel away and they see you not through the sunglasses of that shell's tint, but through the real world, as the real you, they will come to realize what you did, and figure they can trust you.

You didn't just say I got your back, you really did, even when they couldn't see the light to being polite to you, you persevered. Realize until that shell breaks they are literally incapable of being anything else than what they've been.. in pain and expressing it externally.

When the shell falls they start to seek out help for their pain and eventually become a better more productive and optimistic person. What you have to realize is you didn't just help them. You helped all the thousands of people who will be affected by them for the rest of their life.. and the people they affect others so the magnitude of helping one person is cataclysmic.

Did I mention that every action is a karma paycheck (good or bad is defined by intention) and karma is like a MLM network in that if you affect someone, and they affect someone you reap the karma for your efforts resulting affect in the wave of events it causes. If you hurt someone's feeling for example, and they kill someone both their actions and that persons death are on your bill, even if you don't know about it.. This is why you have to really pay attention to what you say and do how you affect the world; every action has a karmic return policy :)

You'll find an amazing gift in forgiving them and changing how you view their hostility, as I'll explain below.

I had a friend commenting on a bulletin about how she hates her mean boss, but what throws me off is she's very strong as a person, very enlightened to the ways of the world and especially human psychology. Her Blogs have inspired in me things that stuck with me, as her wisdom is uncanny. I too lose my way, often and its people like her that help me find my way back, and people like me whom hopefully will help her.

I'll show you her situation then how it is in reality a lesson life is trying to teach her in tolerance, to iron out the frustrating wrinkles in her life. If you read my "your wish is granted why haven't you showed up to receive it" hub you'll realize that problems in your life are success in work clothes. This situation is no different, but the rewards you can achieve are greatest where the pain and frustration is the harshest!

She posted this as a bulletin and I emailed her in response to her venting. I saw her pain as I'd been there many times and one day I just started to figure it out and ended the workforce trauma and the one bad apple in every job environment.

That one bad apple is not always the same for everyone and this made me think hmm.. Maybe the bad apple isn't such a bad apple as they are a lesson I'm here to learn?

What a dilemma indeed... Seems you're backed into the proverbial corner huh? Thing is her cruelty WONT show through, she'll get away with it, and if you fight it YOU will look like the bad guy.. Life is not without unfairness, they will even say if she was so bad why for years did you get along with her... Been there done that myself.. Its frustrating beyond words.. But theirs a powerful lesson afoot, if you just see it past your own frustration and unfair treatment..

You may do well to watch the devil wears Prada.. A movie that taught me a bit in this area.. the girl was always happy and that bit** of a co-secretary was always putting her down, but she never took it to heart was always sweet and kind, not because she was kissing ass, but because she didn't possess this nasty temper or distain for others inside and thus couldn't see it in this rude girl's temperament.. She showed great strength of character... She didn't even try to change her or tell her she was rude... You could see the girl start to falter from her high society personality with her, she never fell all the way but you could see the effect of being nice on someone like that.. she became tolerable :)

Life tests us.. You know that... This is a lesson not in baring the sting of her tasteless acts, but in yourself... Will you stop and realize that as much as you distain her rudeness ask yourself what is this reflecting in me? Rarely do people take personal responsibility in their lives, but in this case it's not about your life but in your ability to surpass the obvious and realize that what bothers you isn't her, its you. It's your inability to define how you could take such a beating, why must it affect you at all? Unless you've not learned the lesson of tolerance. I've learned this lesson in many, many similar situations like the one your in. now days I can be in that situation and it doesn't touch me an iota.. I just chalk it up to that persons unhappy, who am I to make it worse by reacting to her..

Also reacting by nothing more than a look, a stare of disgust, a body language network, your silent way to say fook you.. Realize that's as loud and felt as actually doing it, actually it insults her intelligence that you think your so cleaver and so she gets more upset. But ah do you realize that although she's a nasty acting individual it may be you who is stimulating her so?

Not on purpose don't be ridiculous, but by way of your reactions to her tact.. when you love and forgive those who slap you in the face (turn the other cheek) you learn that they don't determine your happiness, and you realize that they have no real control over you (as she does now over you, the lesson is learning this through actions) life has seen fit to rid you of this limitation hence your situation is not accidental but to help you..

You can run, sure keep your dignity in tact, put yourself thorough the job market hell only to repeat this incident in the next job as life is unyielding until you learn the lessons it is showing you.. Usually by your own admission, in a prayer or fleeting "wish" god, please help me.. Why am I so ___________x and then a situation happens to smooth out the ruffles in your feather..

Lessons come in amazing ways and never expected. The lord it seems works in mysterious ways.. You'd be amazed how you bring things like this on yourself and don't realize it.. if you ask the universe to help you better yourself, its going to respond, and this unfortunately is one of the best, fastest and most motivating way to accomplish this.

Realize also that this girl may have asked the universe in a wish, to be rescued, send me an angel god? YOU'RE SUCH AN ANGEL. Sent for two reasons. 1. To learn tolerance and to uncover your hidden dirty laundry to wash, fold and put away neatly.. things you need to forgive, people you need to release through forgiveness (for you not them necessarily). And 2.. To learn just how compassionate you could be, to show someone love and that they do matter, to see past her idiosyncrasies and things she herself probably doesn't even know why she is so motivated to hate you by.. and 3. To help her help you help her...

I'm not a religious fanatic, I don't even go to church or worship crosses, but I can understand the phrases of the bible for they are keys to enlightenment.. lord works in mysterious ways is life doing things to help you but you don't see it, your frustration is evidence that their is a change needed, a lesson needing to be manifest and learned and burned out of your soul forever..

Our environment is but a true reflection of our internal struggle, defined by our perception of what we see.. Why does she make you mad so? no no no its not because she's rude.. That's beside the point.. Something is there, but what.. That you see in her, and recognize in yourself, an action, a personality quark, an ego run amuck? Hmm what is it? You can't help but wonder.. You know something is afoot, something outside her grasp to affect you, but its within her affect that you learn.. What is it that she does that you so can't stand?

Its not about her, or it may be a little as far as your concerned, but its really about you and your ability to stay put and survive your way back to happiness. You said:

"Only trouble is... I still have 3 years until I finish my masters. That's a lot of abuse to willingly accept."

Don't willingly accept it and move on without figuring it out, that's truly succumbing to her attitude. The problem is your just accepting the abuse and trying to quietly hate her.. That is part of the problem with her attitude towards you. She feels your anger, hate, distain trust me, and it makes her treat you worse. You have to change how your thinking, thoughts become reality, remembers that. Your distain for her fills that room with a vibration with your essence all over it..

Your reactions uncontrolled in your internal rage for her are dangerous. It comes out in your involuntary body language.. You learn humility, you learn tact, you learn that so is she not so is me.. Why fight back? What does this solve but to relieve your ego of her nasty charms? Get you fired? You learn nothing, but sure you have your dignity in tact.. But do you really? Or were you defeated in your own home (workplace you loved)?

if you ask me she's in your life for a very good reason, to teach you how to a) forgive b) be patient c)not judge regardless of their ignorance d) TOLLERANCE

She's here to teach you to tolerate people without judgment. For in forgiveness you dissolve the seeds of judgment towards others in your life.. Not forgiving burns the perception filters with distain (a stain?) and it affects everything in your life.. I'd suggest you don't quit, you take the opportunity life is throwing you and grow.. For if you run, you lose the muscle groups this will give you, strength and tolerance unlike you've ever experienced it.

It is truly liberation to be tolerable of others. if you stay you fight not with anger, frustration and rage, distain, you fight with love, learn to see her not her actions, and you will find a way to reach past this mask that is not her but her frustration of life rolled into hatred and frustration, released on those who she sees as part of the problem.

Have you ever stopped to realize that your lack of tolerance shows HER that she lacks it as well? And your presence ads to her frustration because not despite of this very lesson you need to learn? Once learned you will inevitably teach her and save her from the rain, the storm.. Herself.

When you move on, and you will, her charm will return and you'll laugh about this over coffee at Starbucks, talking about wow I really couldn't stand you.. I'm sorry, I was just frustrated with my life.. I understand.. Chuckle.. Sip.. The charm that eluded your fellow coworkers will become apparent and you will realize she wasn't always this way..

You will move on with a new skill set, strength, tolerance will be yours and no one else will be able to break your spirit as this woman has... Don't feel like the victim feel like the victor, she may be rude, making your life hell, but realize she is still a human being and probably needs your help more than you will ever admit or she.. I think your cleaver enough to win this battle without retreating.

- Jerrico

(End of my response to her email)

In conclusion a few more things about the reactive mind and tolerance:

When we evolve and grow after integrating powerful awareness we learn to deal with things differently automatically. A filter is created, you react differently to things hence the problems you had when you used to get easily offended and lashed out at people, no longer exist because you don't react like that, you don't react at all in anyway that would instigate other to react to you in a negative way.

The mystery of Dianetics: Controlling the Reactive mind (not join a cult sheesh, who comes up with these rumors?)

You integrate ways of doing things that fight what used to be seen as a problem, much like the immune system learns to fight certain viruses more efficiently and you don't even get sick when they come. It's prepared from experience and hits the virus with powerful force. The fight still happens you just don't waste time thinking about it. I think a lot of our lessons teach us not to react to things a certain way, that alone can dissolve problems before they can come.

Controlling your reactive mind is a powerful thing. I used to hear about Dianetics all the time. I thought it was a cult, and although some think it is out of ignorance of the true mission of this company, I don't agree. It's just a therapy, a psychology network with a program that helps you stick with it.. The reactive mind is one tough cookie so explaining the course and not having a discipline staff is hard.. Major actors join this thing, and from what I've read about it and their book, it's incredible what you can learn about controlling your life just by controlling how you react to others and your environment.

Dianetics is a therapy of controlling the reactive mind. That's pretty much it. I bought the book one day to solve the mystery.. I started reading it and was baffled by what I discovered about the way I saw my world and in how reacting is a bulk of what starts the disharmony in our lives!

I never read it all, it got too technical and the book is like 600 pages long, but a fascinating read no doubt. Actually the best 7.00 I ever spent, the reactive mind is the culprit for many of our unresolved problems, things that elude us the most are our reactions to others! Unless you realize how you're behaving in accordance to how they are triggering you, you will always blame them for your stimulated actions!

We learn things and think that those bad things, the "lessons" stop coming but they don't. We just don't recognize them anymore as bad or as a problem. We easily hop the hurdle like we resolve the problem of hunger..

it becomes instinct and we do it without thinking, integrating the act of solving it into our day in a routine like eating. When we evolve we realize that most of our problems are rooted in our own thought processes.

When we take responsibility for our lives we learn that we have created everything that is affecting us today and have been doing it all our lives. Our reactions cause domino effect reactions from our outside world. Piss of the wrong person and you may have a long ride to deal with.

Pass a rumor in idle conversation to the wrong person and it spreads like wild fire and now you have a situation that's uncomfortable as no one trusts you, people get angry and the out of hand-ness of the game (like playing telephone as a kid we realize what you say and what ends up being said are far worse) is thrust on you even if you didn't say anything remotely like what they said.

Someone you don't know reads your body language (an action you take subconsciously both reading and expressing) and thinks your depressed, even though your merely in deep stimulating thought about something, and they tell someone, by the end of the day your suicidal and need medical attention (you laugh but I've seen this ridiculous crap happen!).

How you act even if it's just how you appear to someone else matters. How you react to information others tell you, how you look at people it all matters and it all starts with you. If you take responsibility for your life you pay attention to your actions/reactions and control your life by making good informed movements, speeches, facial expressions and so on.

The physical world issues that arose from them were just us making bad choices and manifesting what we were thinking so predominately about. Tolerance doesn't stop testing you when you learn it, but when you learn it you realize the power in changing your views of other peoples actions.

You realize eventually that their actions are but an extension of their being lost, and nothing is truly personal. This is evident to a drastic degree I saw a movie where two men were fighting, yelling led to fighting which led to one of them pulling out a gun and shooting the other guy.

Had he really had that much hatred for the guy when the guy shot him and stepped back to see what he'd done, he would have gloated or even continued with the angry ranting. In this scene he doesn't do that, he seems to be in shock.

You will notice the fight leaves his face, his thoughts change instantly and you can almost read his mind on his face and body language.. He feels horrible.. The fight wasn't about that guy, it was about his own struggle and now he's killed a man and has to face his mistakes.