Just a couple of days ago I was shaving my head and I nicked the scar I have on the left side of my head [from my car accident] with the razor... I didn't realize it- I felt no pain- but when I saw the blood begin to come out of my scar... I felt like it drained all the blood from my body. I couldn't stand any longer, my body became numb. I sat on the bathroom floor for approximately 15 minutes (the amount of time I sat by the car waiting for the ambulance to get there) and I re-lived my experience all over again. Except this time I actually felt the impact of what was going on.

I was in the back seat of the car between my 19 and 11 year old cousins. My aunt and uncle both got thrown out of the car as it flipped 6 times across the highway. My cousins and I were tossed around inside as there were no seat belts in the car. The car landed on top of my uncle.

As I sat there, I watched my (almost -7 month- pregnant) aunt die -again. I saw her take her last breath and watched the blood begin to pour out of her mouth. My 11 year old cousin was drenched in blood, severely hurt and almost blinded. He couldn't see anything because of the blood covering his eyes. I'll spare the rest of the details... he's lucky to be alive. I watched my 19 year old cousin pace around desperately. I watched my uncle... I saw the look on his face- confused- in shock- not knowing what had just happened- trying to grasp what was going on and trying to be there for his step son who was calling for him asking what was going on. My cousin never once called for his mom. He only called for my uncle- as if he knew his mom couldn't come... my my uncle tried to comfort his son as he knelt down beside him. "Aqui estoy hijo" I'm here son, is all he knew how to say to him. I began to feel the blood dripping down the side of my head and onto my shirt...

I am the only one that remembers all of the details... the expressions... the words said... the picture and I can paint it moment by moment. I really appreciate that gift and I am done making myself wrong for never feeling anything in that moment when I was a child. It's taken me 16 years to heal from that accident. It may have taken longer had it not been for the work I'm doing with TheACY.org... it's truly a place for healing hearts and forgiveness.

Thank you M.E.

I love you

Dedicated to TheACY's founder, Mary Elizabeth Yoder. Thank you for your contribution to my healing... I've forgiven myself...