It all happened when I was still in training at SEARS Automotive, and of course I'm already a pretty high strung lad and it doesn't take much to make me go crazy. Old people bother me when they come in for service because there are three guarantees that follow behind them:

1) cheap bill or free bill if they can bitch enough to make it happen

2) cheap goods or whatever goods we can make them think fits their wallet

3) fastest service is necessary, so call out the smurfs and leprechauns to do the work so it can be done faster than even Superman could accomplish!

Now don't get me wrong, I love my grandmothers. They are the sweetest ladies I've ever known, and don't get me wrong, I've known my fair share of ladies. But what irks me the most is the absolutely ridiculous attitudes seniors carry with them when getting their cars fixed. I have a specific example for those who are still curious as to what I'm referring to:

On that day I was training, I noticed an elderly lady walk in. She was balding ( a lot of women are doing that nowadays) and she seemed coherent. I walked over and wlecomed her to SEARS [thru my teeth...no one is truly welcome at SEARS]. She said hello ina  normal fashion and seemed to be friendly enough, but then she approached my co-worker Brian.

Now Brian is an idiot, for those who care. He's not a moron. I've worked with morons, and no, Brian is far from a moron. He's a bonafide idiot, slow as a tortoise if he hasn't smoked in the last thirty minutes and dumb as a rock if he wants to be. Clueless is a good adjective for many sentences Brian omits from his lips and tongue combining to cause something related to noise.But even good ol' Brian noticed something fishy here.

She asked why the room was re arranged. She had been a customer at SEARS for what she claimed to be 3 millennia. I'd not doubt that for a second, no not me. I'm all for open-minded and accepting behaviour. She on the other hand wasn't. She went off on  the military and how they stole the one good employee SEARS had in the Auto shop, intermitting a few "but you boys are fine" or "I think ya'll is great" in between. I was beginning to get frustrated, so I left Brian (still mostly clueless) to deal with her.

I went back to the tire room, where I do most if not all of my thinking, to catch my bearings and then proceeded to the front of the store. She was still there five minutes later jabbering on about the old employee. I swear on all things Holy, she was there another ten minutes railing on this poor coworker of mine about this dude Jed (I can't really rememebr his name, but that fits). After she got off her spiel of Jed she finally said she needed help.

Get this: I'm still a trainee. I am still learning the ropes, figuring out how to sell stuff, when she asks this. Brian turns and asks me to help her (I don't blame him, it's been 20 minutes of Jed by now) so I smile and say "sure."

I'm the moron here.

She walks me out to her car and shows me the tires. I basically tell her I'm still new and that I can sell her tires, but I'd rather have someone who knows what they're doing point out the tires to her so she isn't disappointed with my sale. She obliges willfully and walks back into the store, meeting Brian halfway. I tell Brian that she needs 195/65/14s on her car and he rolls his eyes.

We both are bored to hell with this woman, as she is running circles in her own mind about what she wants. Somewhere down the line she was told she'd get free tires next time she was to come to SEARS. God alone knows how that one came about, but let's just say only senial people imagine this stuff up. We call up Mike (assistant manager) to deal with the lady.

After thirty minutes (I am not exagerrating) os arguing with Mike that she gets her free tires (and him refusing to give them to her), she throws her hands up and literally agrees to buy a set of four tires then and there. Mike is happier than a Chihuahua who just peed on his mat for the first time.

The mechanics do their thing, then it comes time for her to pay. She freaks out, saying she never agreed--EVER--to paying for the tires. She calls up Mike and rips him apart for another hour before she stomps out the door and threatens to call our regional manager.

Mike nevertheless was ecstatic she decided to do so. I wasn't so sure it was ok to let Ms. Insanity out into the public though. And here's why:

For the remainder of the night, this crazy lady kept calling our phones to get the regional manager...who resides about 2 hours away from our shop and she was told so by Mike. She holds me up on the phone telling me what a wonderful young man  I am and what a horrible old man Mike is. Another customer overhears the phone conversation and is on the floor rolling with laughter. After I basically hang up on her (authorised by the manager at this point) I turn to the customer who couldn't contain himself and I smile.

He has tears running down his face and remarks to me "she's a little crazy, isn't she?"

I return the comment with "Oh you should have seen her here today."

After that it was pretty much the end of that woman. She never came back tog et her free tires again...not that she'd ever really get them anyway, but even the regional manager never really did anything but ignore her. It's probably the closest thing I've had to the worst customer in the world trophy.  I think she'd be a fine candidate for the prize.