Mental illness, truth and politics
75The economy of reason
When I was 23 years old I was granted a disability pension on the basis of psychiatric diagnosis of schizophrenia. I was diagnosed as such at 19 years old. Why? And, how is that I now live without medication.
Reason, logic, science, that is why I am what they say I am. I suffer from a psychotic illness, dormant as it may be and necessarily by way of scientific fact as set by the school of psychiatry, my opinion means naught.
A schizophrenic, by scientific definiton (definition) cannot distinguish between reality and non-reality. The break down of symptoms is generally structured as follows,
* hallucinations * delusions * loose association of ideas * illogical
let me briefly say that this is not intended to regurgitate 'facts' but my experience, I may step off track sometimes,
To be sectioned, that is locked up, committed under the law, the real basis for doing so is a clause in the law that if a person is believed to be suffering mental illness, of any kind, and is a danger to self and/or others, they can be locked up.
I have been sectioned with as little information documented as this, illogical, loose association of ideas and refusing treatment. Psychiatric law is above any other law. Neuroscientific research states that schizophrenia is a brain disorder, implicating physiological fact into the diagnosis. I was given CT Scans. I have been a patient in psychiatric care, involuntarily for a total of 3 months and on the last occasion was threatned with a six months and indefinite order. I have been a voluntary patient at least six times.
Where is all this leading you might ask? My biggest concern in my early twenties was the suggested facts by the medical profession of psychiatry and its company, nursing staff, community workers, social workers, counsellors, licensed or not, clinical psychologists etcetera. Not once was I encouraged to try life without medical treatment. At 25 years old, I had reached a crossroads. I was either going to kill myself or live free of medical treatment. I choose the later. I did so against all advice. I went on to relapse on illicit drugs. Including marijuana, cocaine, benzodiazapines, alcohol, ecstasy and amphetamines. Why?
When I was first admitted to hospital, it was questioned whether my illness was a direct result and only related to substance abuse but it was doubted in years to come and my schizophrenia confirmed, then questioned by a second outside opinion but again confirmed once that doctor had access to my full files.
I purposefully rekindled my affairs with different drugs because I was scared. I was scared that one day my addictions would catch me by suprise and I would relapse not by choice but by chance. I needed to know that I could protect myself, of my own inner strength, from the sad and distrubed life I had experienced during psychosis. I do not suggest this path to anyone else, nor do I believe that anyone would do so merely by reading my story.
What do I seek to prove by all this? Nothing in particular. I just think my story is worth telling. I do not believe that mental illness is a myth, not schizophrenia, nor depression and its many forms or psychosis and its forms or the personailty disorders and so forth. What I do see as a problem is the disorders suffered by the psychiatric profession within itself as a corporate entity.
The psychiatric profession is protected by its grandeur. Do not get this wrong, the psychiatrists are grandeur, they hold more weight under the law than any other professional or body. Unfortunately, due to the liberties which psychiatry must take to protect its integrity, its integrity is conversely lost. To protect the political stature of psychiatry, like medicine in general, the oppourtunity for criticism is restricted to within. However, this view is tainted by my experience. I have felt abused by the system and I fought it hard. I do not now believe I beat the system but the system beat me and I won in the end anyhow. I have a decent life, I admit that I have an illness, a predisposition to psychosis and a latent suffering as a result of past psychosis, a daily risk of severe depression and illicit drugs do trigger my psychotic symptoms. What keeps me going and off the medication is not a recovery from illness but a strength of mind, having fought to accept my illness for what I thought it was, the stigma I gave the illness, I became despondent, suicidal and very angry. I still get those feelings, almost daily but I just know that there is a way out. I find that strength through patience, being humble and open-minded.
Until next time...
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Thank you for the personal reply. It is quite interesting having found hubpages. I have been researching, on and on through the web to find something like this. I think hubpages is a great tool for anyone but for me it is perfect. There are so many claims about mental illness and so many of these claims compete to redefine (psychotic) illness in particular. In my humble opinion, granted, there is definetly a place for medicine in treating psychosis, no doubt. However, like all the jewels that I appreciate most, it is the tiny fractions of knowledge that piece this jigsaw of life into a little more of a sensible object. The 'facts' of life yeah OK, that is science, the arts try theorise but what the academies or the universities if you will, deem the arts, is largely sloppy critique after critique, the literary theorists want to be politicians and more and more they are, the big names in philosophy in late modern times, or and I hate this term 'postmodern' times, these philosophers are serving politics more as a practicioner of logic and less of any remotely artistic, it is about proofs yet the arguments and theses being put forward are gift wrapped as profound moral truths. The postmodernists as I see, in their hyper-liberal attack on morality and thus political correctness, stress their opinions in finely crafted, complex arguments and without a very deliberate eye, can easyily be be confused with good ideals. Politics on both sides have seized much of this pseudo-scientific trash, touted as a gift and liberalisation of fairness and justice. It is tripe.
Back to where I was, sorry, I do that... a lot. Before I digressed: bear in mind that psychiatry has only granted any sort of respect to psychotic individual, the mere mention of the term psychotic or schizophrenic enough to unleash all sorts of horrors through the association of fairytales and old myths.
Psychiatry really has come a long way but it has so much more to learn. For the artist, or the writer, I like to think of myself as both, the internet is an awesome opportunity. Artists have for all of history, except for the few, been a very poor bunch, with the internet and the relatively low cost of technology today, artists and the mentally ill. Not to suggest all mentally ill are creative, I highly doubt that. And nor are all the insane on the fine line of genius. The artist has always been a revered creature and I would say to anyone considering writing as a career path, it will find you but the desire will always burn. If you do not have the desire and the dedication you will never achieve success. The rate of success in the arts is so poor, basing a career choice on finances and also being creative, get your priority is good order because disappoint is a bummer.
This may be the beginning of a very one-sided obsession with you! haha
Please keep your stuff coming, you have caught my attention dramatically and I am anticipating everything next...
You said:
"Psychiatric law is above any other law."
Not only is that the absolute truth, it's some of the scariest truth in the world today.
Thank you, that is a very dear remark. I have dedicated a great deal of time to my research and it I am glad to be heard. If all goes to plan I will be publishing a book about my experiences and my philosophies on the matter within about 12 months, until then, ill keep you posted.
Let me know.. I will be a reader of that!
Hello Bovine Currency.
Thank you for such a personal and powerful hub.
Stay strong and humble, and keep the writing coming :-)
Jen
Thanks Jen. And sorry everyone for my sloppy grammar. I usually write with Microsoft word :P I am not really adjusted to posting off the cuff in such detail and I seem to miss little mistakes. Maybe it doesn't bug anyone else but I will tidy it up I promise. To go with everything else, I have suffered chronic insomnia for many years. Even when I drank red wine every night and dropped downers day and night. You get used to these things, these crosses to bear as they say. Results of this is though, I sit in front of this computer for far to long at a time, I know I need to practice a little Occupational health and safety, particularly if I keep posting at this rate. My profile reminds me of the 70 post and five hubs all in four days! Never mind all the other meandering around the web, the 5 email accounts, facebook, poker and all that carry on. 0510 in the morning... Cheers all.
OSHA on HubPages LOL
I have the good fortune of not having a strong hand, as in righty or lefty. When I'm staring at the 'puter at work, I'm lefty. When I'm staring at the 'puter here, I'm righty. There's your occupational health and safety right there!
Your grammar is only slightly sloppy :-) and I love your avatar.
I am interested in your writing because I have a mental illness as well, which I struggle with at times. I am interested to hear your stories. Would you write some more about your experiences, or would that be a trigger?
I don't tend to write about my BP. It's like having a magic pen, and what you write comes true. So if I am writing abut what it feels like to go manic, that writing will often trigger a manic state in me.
So if you are comfortable, please share. There won't be a stigma here at all.
Take good care
Jen
What a very personal and powerful hub! I truly respect one who can open as you did in this hub!!!
Great Job!!!
Ill whip one up now. It isn't a massive trigger for me at the moment. I think it would be hard to deny the fact, writing about my experience has its pros and cons but I do it anyway, its a choice I made long ago.
Let it fly then, buddy! I'm very interested to read your tales.
If it does start a tiny little trigger, just back away for awhile.
There are plenty of things I would like to write about my BP but it is literally too dangerous.
:)
Peace
Jen
Brand new hub ladies and gents, I put a lot of work into this one on the same topic, I hope you enjoy it. Thanks :)
Great hub. I worked for years in a residential mental health facility that dealt with kids mostly. One of the things I did while I was there was transcribe the doctor's notes. That's I really started losing faith in the entire system, not the individuals I knew who worked in the system, but the system as a whole. Often times the doctor would make diagnoses with no clinical evidence to back it up. There were no stand or diagnostic tests or anything like that. it seemed like there were "illnesses of the day", that enjoyed popularity and then inexplicably there would be a new "illness of the day". When I started, for example, bipolar disorder seem to be the darling of psychiatrists but by the time I left, several years later, PTSD seemed to be the favorite.
Granted some might say that psychiatry, by its very nature, doesn't lend itself very well to clinical testing, but current breakthroughs in the neurology seem to suggest that psychiatry is not the eminent diagnostic tool it claims to be.
Did you ever experience any psychotic breaks? That seems to be one of the defining characteristics of schizophrenia. If not, it sounds like your doctors namely have been more interested in prescribing medication than truly diagnosing the problem. I will admit to some bias in that statement because I've seen examples of doctors prescribing medication after medication after medication without seeming to understand the underlying illness. In fact, one of the more common reasons we had residence in our facility was to get them off their medication and reevaluate what they needed to be on, a process which could take several months. So I freely admit I'm not the most objective person when it comes to prescribing psychotropic medication.
You might find Reality Therapy by Dr. William Glasser helpful. I came across that book not too long after I started my job at that facility, and found it very helpful in dealing with the residents there.
Useful Knowledge says:
3 weeks ago
Thank you for sharing your story. Furthermore, thank you for commenting on my hub about schizophrenia. I have dealt with this illness through my sister. Also, I had a serious breakdown a year ago. I started having panicl attacks so badly that I could not leave my home. I wrote a hub about the whole expirience. I lost 30 pounds in a month and could not connect with my kids.
I went to a mental hospital for a week. I really wanted to get better. I had to withdraw from college and also, had to get on disability. I must say, 900.00 a month is a small amount to live on with two kids.
I am doing better now, but it is a tough road to travel. I wish poeople could better understand that mental illness is no different than a physical illness.It is worse actually. You not only have the mental issues, but also the physical issues associated with the disorder.
I wish you well on your journey to fighting schizophrenia.Again, thank you for sharing your story.