The Journey Continues (Cont'd)

Here it is, the beginning. Well, I will start with that my parents were high school sweet hearts, and got married before graduation. The marriag, I believe, was rocky from the very beginning. My dad left amost right away, but came back when he found out that my mom was pregnant with my older brother. My mom dropped out of school because of this pregnancy. My brother was born June 7 1984. It wasn't long after he was born that my dad left again, until my mom found out she was pregnant with me and he came back. When my mom was eight months pregnant with me, she walked across the stage and got her high school diploma. A month later, I was born on July 7 1985. It wasn't long until my dad left again.

My mom was adopted as a child, and soon after my dad left, she sought out to find her biological family. Eventually, she found them, but didn't get to meet her biological parents because they had died in a car crash. She did meet her brothers and sisters, though. The reason I talk about this, is to explain what led my mom and one of her biological brothers to become attracted to eachother and they got married because they didn't legally posess the same last name, and back then they didn't do blood tests or anything like that to make sure it would be a legitimate marriage. Well, it was legit, and it was legal. In the course of that marriage, they bore two boys. I have two other brothers who are also my biological cousins. Creepy, huh? When I found out about all this, I didn't think I could ever forgive my mom for being so stupid. The moment I decided I would never forgive her, is when I found out about all her drug usage.

Maybe the drug usage was a way to block out the fact that her husband was her biological brother. I'm sure there were alot of things. She never got the chance to meet her biological parents, and therefore, didn't get the chance to ask why they gave her up, because that's every adopted or foster child's BIG QUESTION. She got very involved in drugs, and was left home alone with us every day so that her husband could go to work. My older brother and I were left to take care of our infant brothers at two and three years old. We learned to be adults real quick. She couldn't do it, because she was passed out on the couch most of the time. We actually preferred it that way, because the times she was awake, she wasn't very pleasant. I remeber a time like it was yesterday, but I was three years old. She locked me in my room, and I remember all I wanted was a glass of milk. I screamed and cried until I got it. Well, I got it all right. A whole gallon poured over the top of my head. Why I remember so collectively, I don't know, but it is one of thos things that I never really could suppress.

This went on for the three years I lived with her. We lived in Utah, so it did snow there. When she didn't want to deal with us, she put us outside in the snow with nothing but diapers on. I get vague recollections of that sometimes. I get glimpses of my brother and I building snowmen, making snow balls, and so on. How we survived that I will never know. It didn't take long, though, until my dad's sister who also lived in Utah realized what was going on. She called my dad, who by this point lived in Florida. She told him that if he didn't come get us, then she would take us away from our mom. So, he opted to come get us, and told our mom. She packed our stuff, whatever we did have, and took us to the airport. When were saying our goodbyes, she wanted a hug from both of us, and I gave her one, but my brother refused. I was three and he was four. He had a pretty mature mind for that age, and I probably had an immature mind for my age, because, like I learned later on in recoery, when bad things happened, I was in denial and became arrogant to what was really going on.

So, on the plane, and off to Florida to go be raised by this stranger who I was supposed to call "Daddy." This takes us to part two...