The Cosleeping Controversy
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Cosleeping is a controversial issue in the United States. While it is much more common in foreign countries, many families in America do not cosleep; and surprisingly, a portion of those that do, hide it.
One of the biggest cosleeping debates is whether or not it's safe. Some evidence shows that cosleeping infants suffocate, while othe evidence shows that cosleepers have a reduced rate of SIDS.
In my opinion, there is no right or wrong when it comes to cosleeping. If you are considering cosleeping, be sure to research your options and decide what best suits you.
- CoSleeping
"Co-sleeping, also called the family bed, is a practice in which babies and young children sleep with one or both parents." - definition from wikipedia
There are many benefits as well as concerns associated with cosleeping. One of the benefits of cosleeping is you don't have to worry about springing for a baby crib and a bunch of baby monitors. For me, cosleeping kind of just happened due to the convenience it provided while breastfeeding. And once we started it, we loved it and haven't stopped yet!
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Pros of Cosleeping
- It is believed that cosleeping saves childrens' lives (there is a reduced rate of SIDS in cosleeping infants)
- Promotes bonding
- Nurtures the child
- Ease and convenience for breastfeeding
- Allows parents to sleep better (and most times child too)
The benefits of bedsharing
As with everything, there are a few downsides to cosleeping. Below are a few to consider...
Cons of Cosleeping
- Some argue that cosleeping increases the risk of SIDS due to suffocation or smothering
- Children may become dependent on parents to fall asleep
- May be hard for the child to make the transition into their own bed
- May interfere with couple intimacy
Cosleeping Safety
If you do cosleep with your newborn or child, be sure to do it safely.
- Always place newborn baby on back when sleeping
- Do not have excessive or fluffy pillows or blanketing near an infant
- It is not recommended that a pet also cosleeps with you
- Consider a Family Bed Pillow, which is similar to memory foam toppers
(Find additional pros and cons of cosleeping as well as other safety tips, watch the video below.)
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Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night's Sleep!)
Price: $5.94
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Humanity Family Bed Co Sleeping Pad
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Keeping Kids Healthy: Co-Sleeping-Should Your Child Share Your Bed?
The Decision is Yours
For us, cosleeping started out as a controversial issue in our family. We live in an extended family environment, and my mom always pushed the fact that the baby needed to sleep in his own crib and room. So we bought a crib, set up the nursery - and it didn't stick!
While my mom commented for months (almost a year) that the baby needed to sleep in his crib in his own room, we did what was best for us - shared the family bed.
Just like most American families, we did not grow up as a cosleeping family. Of course there was the rare occasion that we had a bad dream or fell asleep in moms bed, but for the most me and my brother grew up sleeping in our own beds and in our own rooms.
On the other hand, my husband's family was the exact opposite. I don't know if it's due to their Hispanic culture or just choice - but his younger sister coslept with his parents until she was 11 or 12 years old!
Cosleeping is not for every family. Your main objective is to make sure everyone is happy and getting well rested sleep, whether it's in the family bed or their own.
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Additional Cosleeping Resources
- Cosleeping FAQs
Guidelines, Proper Arrangements, Advantages and other FAQs on cosleeping. - The Natural Child Project
Articles on CoSleeping - Mothering Magazine
A wealth of articles on the family bed or cosleeping. Most are backed with citations or resources. - Dr. James McKenna's refutation
Powerpoint Presentation against the anti-cosleeping campaign. - Kids Health
Cosleeping and your baby...why do some cosleep, is it safe, how to make it safe, and transitioning our of the bed. - The Benefits of Cosleeping
Article outlining the benefits of cosleeping.
- Cosleeper Product Reviews
The Top 3 Cosleeping Products - Reviewed. As cosleeping, or sharing the family bed, slowly becomes increasing popular in the US, so is the market for cosleeping products. A fellow cosleeper reviews and compares some of the most popular cosleeping product options available to you. - 2 years ago
- Arm's Reach Crib Review
Arm's Reach Universal, Original, and Mini Cosleepers are great alternatives to a crib or bassinet, especially if you want to cosleep with your baby. Find out where you can buy it, what the average cost is, and review some of the pros and cons to see if it suits what you're looking for. - 2 years ago
- Deluxe Snuggle Nest Cosleeper Review
The Deluxe Snuggle Nest is one of the most popular cosleeping products. Find out where you can buy it, what the average cost is, and review some of the pros and cons to see if it suits what you're looking for. - 2 years ago
- The Cosleeping Controversy
Cosleeping is a controversial issue in the United States. While it is much more common in foreign countries, many families in America do not cosleep; and surprisingly, a portion of those that do, hide it. Discover many of the pros and cons of cosleeping. Access to resources to help you determine if it is safe and whether or not the family bed is the best option for your family. - 2 years ago
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Comments
I don't think a lot of people realize there is actually a "term" for it. And yes, it is definitely a lot more popular in other countries than here in the US. I'm glad I could enlighten you ;)
Just as a matter of interest, where exactly is it popular?
Mark: I think you are asking where cosleeping is popular...? If that's what you mean, it's more popular in other countries than in the US. I'm not sure exactly which countries it's most popular in - something I may look up and creat a new hub on! As far as it being popular in the US, I don't think there's a specific area - but again that would be something else worth looking up and hubbing about.
Yes, I was asking that. I am not American, and have lived in a number of countries. At the start you said it was much more common in other countries, so I wondered where.
Pretty much, everywhere I know of it is generally considered to be a little dangerous from the point of view of the parent falling asleep and smothering the baby, so you kind of piqued my interest. :)
I am a proud father of my 18 year old daughter. When she was a baby, we co-slept with her on our bed every night until she reached nearly 2 year old, despite that we have her crib by our bed in our room. Then we gradually separated her by graduating her to her own bed still remained in our bedroom. Later, we moved her bed out to her own room when she was 4 years old.
Frequently, when she was frightened, she would come to our bed in the middle of the night for quite a time. Finally, when she was 7 or 8 something, she was able to sleep completely alone in her own room. To help alleviate her fears of dark and anxiety separateness, I installed night light and read her a book most nights.
Co-sleeping is very common in Myanmar (Burma) where I was born and throughout the Asia including Israel. Yes, Israel is considered an Asian country. Don't get me wrong. Check your geography and determine what continent. Smile.
I do believe Middle Eastern countries including Israel practices this, too though I cannot confirm it. I personally recalls co-sleeping with my parents as well when I was an infant and toddler while growing up the first five years in Myanmar.
For instance, during one of many hot sultry nights with steaming humid temperature reigning in the 80's and 90's, I remembered laying down on my sweating back on my bed, staring at ceiling fan through the mosquito net housing over me. As I turned my head to look at my parents by me on my left side, I saw them sleeping comfortably like logs on their larger bed with mosquito net housing over them.
It is in my opinion that co-sleeping increases closeness and bondness with your beloved children. I feel that here in USA, there is a fear and secret due to being perceived as not norm, in other words, a child abuser or unfit parents in the eyes of the public, especially state social service agencies. However, I do not believe those social agencies disapprove this practice.
Perfect example of norm very acceptable in the majority of nations on the earth but is mostly frowned upon and discouraged in USA is public breastfeeding. It doesn't bother me when I see nursing mothers breastfeeding their infants inconspiciously in the restaurants, hotel lobbies, and public places such as the shopping malls.
When I saw them and realized what the mother was doing, I simply respected her with politeness and refrained from staring at them, in other words, ignoring them, acting normal and carrying on. There's no reason to disturb their privacy and peace and shake them out of world's accepted norm.
I strongly advocate breastfeeding because natural mother milk had been proven in numerous medical researchs to contain natural immunization properties to boost infant's resistant to ear infections, cold, etc. Milk formula is no where close to that and is artifically manufactured with man-made drug ingriedents.
Thank you for posting this web site. I am thrilled that other people out there feel the way I do and do not think co-sleeping and bed sharing is a bad thing. I had slept with my son until his baby sister arrived when he was 3 years 4 months and 6 days old. He now sleeps in his own bed in our room. (He does have his own room that also has a bed if he feels like sleeping in there.)
I have also nursed him until he was 2 years and 4 months old and do not regret a day of it. I am super, super close to him and I love him so much more than anyone can imagine.
I have quit my day job to work at night while my husband works days. I once tried a daycare one day a week when he was two but that did not last long, in fact, he only went 4 times. I quickly found out that I did not want him there because it was like the caregivers where just there to watch them and not love them. To tell you the truth he and I both got Disneyland passes for the year and went to chuck e cheese once a week and we had more fun and interaction that meant something than some daycare.
Once his sister came along I have now nursed her for 7 months and co slept with her this entire time to just recently bed sharing. I have also quit my job and became a full time student so that when she goes to first grade I will be able to provide even more than I do now for the both of them. (They do not live bad at all as we are very blessed.) We still have the Disneyland passes and plan to go their as soon as our baby is, as we feel, old enough.
With all this said, I have been told countless times that it interrupts my husband and I's sexual relationship, its unhealthy to share a bed, my son will have a hard time in school due to attachment issues, if I repeat the same treatment to my baby as my son I will be depriving her of a good future, and they will never be independent.
I can tell you honestly that I have had no issues with our sexual relationship as we can easily get up and go to another room. I have had no issues with my son being rude, not following direction, and throwing temper tantrums is very rare. I have noticed my son being more nurturing, loving, friendly, giving and has no problem sharing (which I see all other kids having problems). He plays well with his little sister and notifies me when she cries (even though I hear it already he will make sure I know it!), if he think she needs a drink (breastfeeding) and when he thinks she needs a diaper change. He will play with her, talk to her and calls her his baby. I have honestly have very, very rarely seen a more rounded child in this day of age. I am impressed by him. AND BOY IS HE SMART!
I will never regret a day that I spent with him or my baby girl. I think all the love in the world for a child is not nearly enough. If they tell a third world women to breastfeed a child until they are at least two why not do that here in the US? If people co sleep in third world countries why not do that here? Why not love your child and cradle their every feeling, make the most out of their life, and give them the best possible prospective? We as parents give our children their future, we need to sacrifice a little to see a lot happen for them in the long run. The world is in their hands, we have already lived 30 years of our lives.
I just found this hub because I was thinking of writing one on the same topic. My daughter is almost six and we are trying to get her to sleep in her own bed. I feel embarrassed when I tell people this but I think we have done the right thing by letting her sleep with us this long. A lot of "religious" people think cosleeping is not keeping the marriage bed holy. What are your thoughts on this?
@ Cari - LOL My oldest is going on five now and I am looking for ways to transition him OUT of the bed! I guess that's the downside to cosleeping is it does get hard to get kids out of the bed later, based on what I hear and read from a lot of parents!
I hadn't heard about keeping the "marriage bed holy" and cosleeping before. I can see where it can cause problems, but at times it just allows for more fun between the spouses because they then have to get a bit more creative on when and where to be intimate.
The problem is "religious" - too many people, and sorry if I offend some but I feel it's the truth, get stuck in religious bondage, because I personally haven't seen anywhere in the Bible where it says cosleeping is bad.
Thanks for your comment and if you come up with any ways to help make that transition, I'd be very interested in reading a hub on it! :-)
@ Saw Pe - I've actually seen some success with other parents trying it this way and have been thinking about experimenting with it myself. 4 in a bed is kind of crowded now and we're expecting our third, so it's time to transition one if not both boys out the bed. Good thing is they are both boys and very close, so I was thinking of a twin bed or something for the two so they can at least still sleep together.
Based on what I've seen online and in magazines and other media aout cosleeping 7 or 8 seems to be the average age when kids who cosleep begin to feel a bit more secure and start to sleep well on their own. I don't know why this is, but I've noticed that.
I also believe cosleeping increases closeness amongst children, something I feel Americans honestly don't have enough of in this day and age. Every one is running to and fro an parents are so concerned with careers and paying bills that sadly too often the children, who many times were once their #1 priority, quickly just become a burden or responsibility.
I haven't gotten comfortable enough to breastfeed in public yet. I prefer to go sit in the car or in the bathroom or a lot of places are beginning to have mother-baby bathrooms, which I love! But it's just my personal preference, but it's nice to see the support and also that you don't stare! :-)
Thanks for your comment!
helenathegreat says:
2 years ago
Wow, what a great and well-balanced hub! I wasn't aware that cosleeping was so widespread across the world. I remember a great deal of trouble with both me and my younger brother during nights... we were afraid of EVERYTHING and spent many nights in our parents' bed, but none of this was intentional. Thanks for weighing the pros and cons here.