This weekend, Njoke and Jason headed down to Jack London Square in Oakland for a late afternoon matinee. The last horror movie we saw, The Descent, was a bit disappointing. This movie, a remake of the 80s horror movie, The Hitcher, was the only major wide release for the weekend, which made our job of selection a bit easier.

A few disconcerting signs:

• Despite it being the weekend's only major release, the theater was empty. Granted, it was 5pm, so a bit early.
• Two of the other moviegoers were young mothers. How do we know they were mothers? Because they brought their young children. To a horror movie.

At any rate, let's discuss this one.

*Spoiler alert!* Plotlines and/or endings revealed below.

Have you seen this movie? We'd love to read your comments below!

I can't help it...as I sat there shivering in my seat, my inner cynic kept on shaking me back to reality. Was this movie trying to temper the criticism that all gory thrillers get with a message that parents would approve of? I kept on thinking, "Don't pick up strangers", "Trust the police", "Fasten your seatbelt"...even "Don't sleep in the nude." (You know which scene I'm talking about, right?)

Are these meant to be subconscious messages to young, carefree viewers, or are they the product of a screenwriter's paranoid imagination? What say you?

Some horror flicks really ruin the fearful escapism they're supposed to induce when an actor or actress reminds you this is a Hollywood flick filmed in a backlot studio somewhere in Southern California. I have to say that I was not impressed with Sophia Bush's acting chops. Granted, her name is designed to bring over a sizeable audience through name recognition alone, and not showcase the broad range of dramatic talents she possesses. There was another horror flick, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, almost ruined by Eric Balfour (fortunately, he was offed pretty early).

Another thing that Sophia Bush brings are: breasts. Well, you know what I mean. There are plenty of gratuitous body shots, obviously appealing to a certain demographic that has an enormous overlap with fans of horror flicks...middle-aged lesbians. No, I'm kidding. But does everything that's supposed to appeal to teenage boys have to include scantily-clad girls running around. Is this something I'm going to have to put up with as a horror-film enthusiast?

Can you tell me what was the point of the sherriff in this movie? Well, other than adding some creepiness factor. I know I wasn't the only one that thought he looked like one of the children from Village of the Damned now all grown up. Now there was a decent horror movie...but I digress. In my mind, even the most poorly-written movies have to make have a smidgen of logic and I kept hatching several nefarious plots all througout this movie.

Plot #1: Hitcher uses the left behind cell phone to call up Grace's gal pals and take his reign of terror to their Spring Break spot in New Mexico (that by the way would have been a great movie!)

Plot #2Jim is really the son of the hitcher. They have been tag teaming this freeway for months and Grace is their next victim of terror. This would also explain why the hitcher has never used any of the many opportuities he had to kill them and why Grace cant tell the diff between Jim and Hitch in bed.

Plot #3: The waitress in the restaurant is in cahoots with the hitcher. Why else would she be act so suspicous and have them arrested. I mean I know I would freak if someone walked into my office covered in blood but I wouldn't assume that they were guilty. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?

Plot #4: Creepy sherriff is in cahoots with the hitcher and he gives him a key to escape while en route to the Albuquerque Prison.

Clearly I spent more time sitting in the theater thinking about plot lines than the director did during the entire production.

Maybe all the good scenarios ended up on the floor of the editing room.

Must-make-sense-of-this-bad-movie!

Look, I am not heartless. I don't have kids but I imagine a parent might go stir crazy some weekends while those little buggers bounce from wall to wall in a Cocoa Puffs-induced high. I also imagine that every once in a while you want to watch a show that is not animated or that does not come with its own action figure. I know good baby-sitters are hard to come by and some of them have stopped returning your calls. But for the love of god, you must accept that movies like The Descent and The Hitcher have ADULT themes. I don't want to have to cringe while your child stares wide-eyed at scenes of a young man getting torn limb from limb!

I don't want to imagine all the damage that is being inflicted to this young mind that is being exposed to motivation-free carnage and absorbing the subliminal message that killing is okay and, oh yeah, the police are your enemy (well maybe that one...it depends). I especially don't want your child to grow up to be a sick and twisted serial killer like the Hitcher and then tries to kill my future kids on the way to their future spring break. So please just don't do it. Over and out!