The Single Dad Blog Feed

• Bonding In The Car!

  I was driving my son to his mother's house this past weekend and he began asking when he could get his own car. His mom and I live about 15 minutes from each other and his school, job and friends are by my house. He usually has access to her car, when he's spending the week with her but when he's with me, I choose to drive him around; even dropping him off and picking him up from school -- which is only a few blocks from the house. I work out of the house, so I can always arrange my schedule to get him where he needs to be. I only have the one car and could certainly let him have it to go to school, work and hang out with his friends but I kind of like knowing it's available when I need it. I've always just driven him to where he needs to be. I know many of you reading this think I'm crazy. Well, now that he's 18 that's just plain silly. After our discussion about the car, I realized why I haven't worked real hard to get him one of his own -- he's my "car buddy". His mom and I divorced when he was in pre-school and at the time we lived about 25 minutes apart. We had found a private school for him to attend (Pre-School to 8th Grade) that was close to where she worked and not far from my office and since we switched custody each week, we found it easier to make the switch at school each Friday afternoon. He had clothes and personal stuff at each house, so this was a great arrangement but it required at least 40 minutes in the car each day -- 20 minutes to school and 20 minutes back home after school. I realize this now, the time in the car was our time to bond! I don't recall any earth shattering conversations but over the last 14 years the two of us have really enjoyed our time in the car. I always made a point not to have the radio on while we were in the car, so I could catch up on his day. Most days, we talked from the time he got in the car to the time I said goodbye. Well, that habit is kind of hard to break. As he's grown older, our "car time" is about the only time we talk, so I'm beginning to see why I've avoided the subject of getting him his own car. I don't want to lose my "car buddy" I think the bond we have as father and son, was strengthened by that time we shared in the car but he is now 18 years old and building his own life, so perhaps its time for me to let that part of our relationship end. To be honest I'm not looking forward to that. Who would have thought that 40 minutes in a car each day would have such an effect. I'm going to miss my "car buddy"

• But I'm 18! I Should Be Able To Do What I Want

  Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child How many of you have heard this statement, "but I'm 18"? And I'm sure most of you have come up with the same response, "My house, my rules". My son turned 18 in April but still has one year left of high school -- we waited a year to get him started in kindergarten. Up until just recently, I hadn't heard the "I'm 18" spiel but that didn't last for long. I've got a rule that he needs to be in by 1:00 AM and he needs to wake me up when he gets home -- he is still in high school. My reasoning -- not much good happens after midnight. He didn't really like that idea; not that he stays out that late very often but he wanted to have the option. (His mom wants him home by midnight when its her week so she's had the same conversation). I wasn't sure how I was going to handle his response. He's legally able to do anything he wants. The armed forces keep sending him letters to join the fight, he doesn't have a legal curfew any longer, he has a job and has never gotten into any trouble. What Should I Do?! I leaned on my childhood for a response. My folks had always said, "as long as you are living under my roof, you will live by my rules". I didn't want to say those exact words so I tried to explain the reason for wanting him home. Because I told him so! Actually, we had a long talk about it. I just wanted him to know that the "curfew" was for my well being not only for his. I really don't like going to bed, not knowing when he's coming home or what he's doing. I told him I needed some time to adjust to this "being 18" thing and that he needed to prove to me that he was completely trustworthy. We agreed, that until he was out of High School that we would work with this arrangement and that if there was a need to stay out later, then he just needed to tell me and we would work it out. Apparently, this communication thing works. I gave a little, he gave a little and we came up with an arrangement that works. Of course his mom isn't handling it the same way, but I told him, that moms really have a hard time with this and he needs to just suck it up until he's out of High School. The funny thing is, he's been living with his mom one week and me the next since he was around 4 years old and if he wanted to, he could choose to live with just one of us, rather than go back and forth between houses. To his credit it's never come up. He still loves his mom and wants to spend time with her and he's completely comfortable with our living situation. Besides, he says when he graduates he''s moving out anyway; so his mom and I only have one year left. I'll believe it when I see it.

• It's Been Awhile

  I just looked at my directory of posts for this blog and was surprised that I hadn't posted anything here since April -- well that just won't do. It certainly isn't because I don't have anything to write, I've just been busy working on my other blogs. Since my Squidoo lens on being a Single Dad is getting such a fantastic response, I've decided to post on this blog at least twice a week. I've got over 15 years of stories so it certainly won't be hard to come up with something. I apologize for being away for so long.

• Why Looking at my Son’s Baby Pictures made me Want More Kids!

  Keeping Your Grandkids Alive till Their Ungrateful Parents Arrive: The Guide for Fun-Loving Granddads (Jungle of Utt Series) It’s been awhile since I added anything to the Single Dad blog mostly because posts here take more out of me then my other blogs. I’ll try to get better at that; hopefully all of my readers still have the blog in their RSS reader. I was moving some things, at the house, the other day and came across some of my son’s baby pictures. It had been a very long time since I had seen them. I stopped what I was doing and took some time to go through them, which brought a growing smile to my face. Those pictures were so funny and cute I almost cried – no kidding. I think it was more emotional for me because I’m approaching the empty nest and my testosterone level must be a little low right now also, there wasn’t one picture of me having to diaper my son, or take the midnight feeding, or drive him around in the car to get him to go to sleep – there were only cute, funny, no effort photos. So, before I actually came to my senses, my mind started to wander and I began to think about how much fun it would be to have little kids again I even asked my son if I got remarried would he have a problem with me having more kids -- that is a problem I have, I often speak before I think. My son’s answer quickly brought me back to reality, “if you had another kid today you would be 63 years old when they were 16” he said “and you aren’t even dating anyone right now.” He then followed that with, “I would have no problem at all with you having more kids, but come on use your head.” Can you tell we have a close relationship? As I was telling this story to an old girlfriend of mine – remember I have a problem speaking without thinking – she gave me the answer I was looking for, “that’s what grandkids are for” she said “we can love them, spoil them and then give them back”. Of course she was right. Maybe I should have titled this post “That’s why God gives us Grandkids.”

• The Single Parent and the Empty Nest!

  It occurred to me, just the other day, when my son mentioned for the 10th time in a week. “You know I’m going to be 18 in about a month” -- he actually only mentioned it once but I think I repeated it 9 more times to myself -- I wasn’t going to have a lot more time with him in the house. He is planning on going to college locally but since getting his job and his wheels he’s become very independent. He and his buddies are even talking about sharing an apartment while they are going to college. You see I’m not his first stop when he needs a good meal or his clothes washed and since he’s making good money I’m not even getting asked for cash anymore. In fact he even offered to pay for dinner the other night, so it appears I am much less needed these days and soon I may not see him very much at all. This isn’t sitting well with me. Most guys, I would think, look forward to the day the kids leave the house because it takes a little pressure off of them and they can start to enjoy themselves a little more. Moms of course don’t traditionally handle the empty nest very well and I’m expecting his Mom to have some difficulty with it. What surprises me is how I’m reacting. He has been such a huge part of my life and since I am not currently married or seriously dating I’m thinking I may actually get a little lonely. I’m not going to stress out about it right now. I still have some time before he moves out but I think I may need to start planning my future a little. I’ve avoided serious dating relationships over the years because I didn’t want to complicate things with him – that is a topic for another post – maybe now is the time I should start looking for someone to spend my twilight years with – I think that scares me more then the empty nest. Yes, I have issues!