The get-real truth about finances is this: You don't get into money problems because of money, and you don't fix money problems with money. People fall into the money pit because of shortsightedness, wrong values, lack of impulse control, and measuring their self-worth by what they have instead of who they are. I guarantee you, if you were to pick up somebody out of the phone book who's in a money crisis and we wrote a check to cover his debt, in six months he'd most likely be up to his eyeballs in debt again, unless he examined the emotional reasons behind his spending.

Personally, I'm a financial chicken. My parents were constantly struggling to make ends meet, but you could sell my father anything - as along as he could make the payments. I've got a brother who go down to buy a car, and all he ask is, "How much is the payment? The dealer says, "Four hundred dollars a month." He say, "Well, I can do that." He didn't realize that this is a $400 commitment that he'll have to keep up month after month after month. I watched my father get in debt and thought, I couldn't enjoy something if I felt that pressure of struggling to pay for it all the time.

Another mistake too many people make is that they think they are bulletproof and get overextended. Couples base their lifestyle on double incomes, deciding how much they spend on their car, their housing, their clothing, their activities based on the premise that both partners are working and will always be working. But what happens if one of you goes down?

The most obvious safety is to have something in reserve. It doesn't necessarily have to be a huge nest egg. But if you're married and you both work, don't base your spending on a double income, or you could well wind up in bankruptcy. I'm all for both partners working, but I think you should live as if you only have one income. Then if you get hit with illness or layoffs, you have backup. The chance of both partners being fully, gainfully employed for the length of their financial commitments is almost zero.

I understand that sometimes you have to resort to credit. But I say buy what you can pay for in cash. Avoid that trap of thinking: I can pay $80 a month for this now, so I'll commit for four or five years' worth of payments.

Most important, examine your value system. If your real happiness is tied to materialism, it's time to do a serious overhaul of your priorities.