The insiders guide to Australia

An unusual Australian 'dunny'. This one's mine. Image G Hardwick.

Information to help you blend in

Mate - gender neutral - refers to a friend or colleague, even someone you have just met. Often used as a way to avoid the embarrassment of forgetting someone's name. "Oh g'day ... um, mate". Can be used in a friendly sense or in an argument. Just like French, it's all in the tone.

Australians are lazy - well we might work the longest hours in the western world, but we like to shorten and abbreviate words. An example - a sporting arena in Melbourne named the Melbourne Cricket Ground, is abbreviated to the MCG, which is referred to by locals as simply the 'G'. This practice may have originated as a way to keep flies from our mouths - less time spent open.

Familiarity - Tourists are often shocked by the friendliness. If your name is Barry, expect to be instantly referred to as 'Baza". If it can't be shortened then we will add to it - usually an 'o' or a 'y'. So John, becomes 'Johno'. Just go with the flow on this one, but wait till the people you're with do it first. On the tiny Australian island of NorfoIk Island, even the phone directory carries people's names in the shortened or lengthened variety.

The code of dress - We are relaxed and we dress relaxed. Once again the cities are slightly different on this one. Thongs, are things we wear on our feet (flip-flops). A singlet, either white or blue, is warn in summer (the English call it a vest) - best places to observe this dress code is in country pubs (bars).

The Beach - we all love the beach. But don't fry in the sun. The most common first-aid cases on all our beaches are sunburnt English tourists.

Sports - Australian's love sport. Main sports - Cricket and Tennis in summer, AFL (Australian Football League) Rugby and Rugby League in winter.

Note: if in Melbourne, don't start a local on the topic of AFL - they are extremely passionate. If Australia loses a cricket match - seek out any Kiwis (New Zealanders) or Poms (English) - they will certainly be your friend if you mention the score.

The important issue of toilets - sometimes known as the 'dunny'. The toilet is not broken if there is no water in the bowl - that's how it's meant to be. And yes the water does rotate in the opposite direction to the northern hemisphere (we do it to be different).

Election time in Austalia - we have so much distrust, of perhaps a lack of interest in politics that we are forced by law, to vote. This is despite the fact that we invented the process of the 'secret ballot'. Tip - avoid politics when talking in a local pub.

Coversation starters - the most commonly discussed topic in the world is the weather. Australia is no different. Rain is rare in many parts of the country so start up a conversation with a shop keeper by asking - "do you think it's going to rain?"

For more "aussie" slang and expressions, click here.

The FAQs about Oz

Five Frequently asked questions about Australia

1) Are you still owned by the British?

No, no way. We do retain the union jack within our flag for reasons that are beyond my comprehension, but many are hoping one day soon it will be replaced to reflect our new multi-cultural society. Please ask any English people you come across about the cricket. Ever since the game of cricket was changed by the English in the 1930s, where they targeted the batsmen's body whilst bowling, Australia takes great delight in defeating the inventers of the game. It's all in the name of good old friendly rivalry.

2) Are you all like Steve Irwin?

No. Many may talk as he did, expressions like 'crikey, 'bloody beautiful' and 'wooooo' are in common use. Whether or not 'crocs rule' is another issue - they are yet to be elected to parliament. Surprisingly, many of us own clothes other than khaki shorts and shirts. (Special note: he did so much for Australian wildlife - more than he was willing to admit.)

3) Are Kangaroos common

Yes. They are so common that for most tourists you will probably at first, see more laying dead on the side of the road than you will see alive. They might not be in the main streets of Sydney, but they aren't far away.

In western and desert regions many drivers install special bars on the front of their cars to deflect the poor things on impact. At dusk, driving can be very dangerous where kangaroo populations are high. Some smart boffins have been working on devices installed on the front of vehicles which emit certain frequencies to repel animals . Others simply use a technical device called a horn.

4) Isn't Australia a dangerous place? You have so many spiders and snakes, crocs and sharks.

No ... and thank you. Ironically we Australians seem to like boasting about our deadly critters. However, in reality, you would be very unlucky to be eaten whilst in Australia. If you are eaten or attacked you will at least make news headlines.

5) I have a relative living in Australia. Perhaps you know him?

No I don't. Australia is big. The technical term in Australian popular vehnacular is 'bloody big'. In some seasons we may have a tropical cyclone (opposite rotation to a hurricane) in the north, whilst it is snowing in the southern highlands of the continent. We have about 20 million people who like to refer to themselves as Aussies, yet we have one of the lowest people per square kilometre ratios in the world. In other words,outside the cities, we may not be even able to see our neighbour, let alone know who they are.

Australia: more than just kangaroos and beer

Australian inventions, innovations and discoveries

Note: If you would like to know more, then stay tuned. If this type of article receives positive comments then I will write more "insider's views of Australia" in the future.