I have been noticing a trend in my hub scores. Y'all seem to get a kick out of watching me do the "she said/then he straightened her out" thing with some of the women writers online. So be it. Here we go again.

But first, for the benefit of new readers, here is the "history" involved. First, there was my response to a cutie by the name of Bredavies in Michael Jackson? No, Just A Response To The "Top 5 Annoying Things About Men". (To be fair, another hubber responded to her as well but did not draw a much negative attention.)

Next "Tips For How Men Can Impress A Date"? ("Bitch, Please!") came about because I read something elsewhere

online by a fellow Associated Content writer.

I enjoy talking to Bredavies and hope that we can do more "back and forth" hubs in the future so when I read a hub that I thought made sense I told her so in my hub, "My Top 3: Places To Go On A Date": When The Lady Is Right She Is Right.

Then I came across two other hubs (by Teddybear1000 and Lindaoffigan) I felt the need to respond to:Setting The Record Straight: A Response To "What are the things that bother you about the opposite sex? by Mad Me!" and Setting The Record Straight TOO: A Response To "Sex or Love - Men Just Don't Get It".

Finally, just recently I responded to yet another misguided soul (evemurphy) in "Tips For Bad Girls: How To Manipulate A Man"? ("Bitch, Please!")

(NOTE: You do NOT have to read all of the above hubs before reading this one but if you DO you will have the full picture.)

It seems I have been chosen to be the male spokesperson or the voice of reason, if you will. So once more I employ my skills as a master debater to indoctrinate the innocent and educate the ignorant. (See me after class, girls, Mr. Phoenix is ready to give YOU a "special" education!)

Truth to be told, this is a lot of work.

Still, someone has to speak up for the master gender. (Mind you, I would rather be asking her for her cell number so I could hear that sexy accent of hers or asking her to e-mail me pictures of her nice, alabaster BUT, I digress . . . )

Here then is my response to "Things He Doesn't need To Know About Your Past" by Isabella Snow.

NOTE: The female comments appear in italicized font and quotes. I will address each

comment in the order in which they were posted in my normal font. (Also please note that I do not always correct the typos and spelling errors of others.)

So, my little snowflake, shall we dance?

"Before (we do), let me be clear - I am not telling (a woman) to lie to your man. I'm not."

Okay; that's good because the other women I have straightened out all have a thing about honesty and how they should be told everything and

men should be honest with them all the time. So when you talk to women what do you say exactly?

" . . . think wisely before volunteering things he doesn't need, or want, to know."

How do you determine what a man "doesn't need, or want, to know"? Would you not have to ASK a guy what

he doesn't want to know? I mean you might be a mind-reading mutant and have a super-power to read minds and all but most women don't actually know any of that. (So what's your super-hero name anyway?)

"As I've mentioned previously, some us talk too damned much . . . "

Wow. That's impressive. You know y'all talk to much and you admit it!? Mmmmmmmm, you are my kinda gal. Speaking as a fellow super-hero, you have got my Spider-sense tingling! That attitude is gonna cause strange swellings in my utility belt if you're not careful! (Okay; I confess. I borrowed that joke from Adam "Batman" West.)

" . . . today I'm going to tell y'all some of the things you should consider keeping to yourself."

Okay. Maybe we should hear you out here.

"You shagged your alma mater's football team."

Well, as my youngest young'un would say, "here's the thing": if you shagged (love that accent) your football team and I am keeping you happy in bed then I'm cool with that! Besides, do you know the difference between a "slut" and a "bitch"? A slut has sex with everyone. A bitch has sex with everyone but ME!

Think about it. What else do you tell these lost souls?

"Ok, maybe you were a little randy back in the day. Maybe you spent more time on your knees than a nun in church. Whatever you may have done, if you're a different woman today, you should to keep this to yourself."

WHY keep it to yourself? Because now that you are older you don't want a guy to enjoy himself as much!?

If you spent a lot of time on your knees than you must be really GOOD at oral. You might even be good enough to bring ME to the point of no return . . . and so far, only a "pro" has ever been able to do that.

". . . if you do share, there's a very good chance your relationship will start to go downhill."

WHY would you think that a guy would NOT want a woman who can give good head!?

"Why? Because, no matter how liberal or laid back a man seems, he doesn't want to picture you shacking up with another man."

Look, I understand your point but if we have to choose between a clean girl with experience and a non-virgin who somehow doesn't know a damn thing about pleasing a man you KNOW which way I'M gonna go! I've had my share of virgins and it's cool to be the first but after that it's nothing but work to have an inexperienced woman in bed. We don't have all night to teach you NOT just lick it around the edges!

 NASCAR is coming on and after that there's a great movie on HBO!

" . . . he surely doesn't want to picture you shacking up with more than one."

I don't know. It might be a turn-on. Worst case scenario you tell me you might've exaggerated just to turn me on. I can handle that. I might even be able to handle the truth!

"He might think he can handle it - he might even promise he'll be able to - but he can't."

Oh ye of little faith! So, go on, what else?

"Why is he asking? Cos, deep down inside, he wants to think you're a classic good girl."

Just WHAT is a "classic good girl" anyway? Never mind. Go on.

"He hopes you'll confirm this, somehow. Even if he knows you're not, he wants to at least think you might be. This is just one of those things that

the absolute truth does nothing for."

I don't know. Maybe you are talking about unsophisticated and/or YOUNG boys. I honestly hope you ARE a slut . . . uh . . . just for ME, anyway. Now what else are you telling them to hide from their men?

"You were engaged for 3 days."

Why do you tell them we would care about THAT?

"If you had a very short-lived engagement of some kind, I'd say you don't need to share this. Now, if the 3

day engagement came on the heels of a 10 year relationship, that's another matter. But if we're talking a quickie Britney style thing where you do something stupid out in Vegas, you're better off keeping that a secret until you're certain he knows you're not a flake."

Hey, if it was a Vegas thing then we ALL know what happens in Vegas STAYS in Vegas. I'm so cool with that. YOU better be, too, ladies.

Besides, we already KNOW you have "flake" potential. You're a woman. What else do you say to girls?

"You've had (and are now cured of) several STDs."

Hmmmm, yeah, well, my baby-momma used to tell me she had Herpes but that never stopped ME from diving face-first into her potentially crabby crotch.

When I want to taste some of your "raspberry cookie" I don't really care, okay? You can always say you got it from a guy who date-raped you . it worked for my baby-momma.

"Unless you contracted them from him,

this is none of his business."

See, here's the thing: y'all say you want and need to know everything about US so if there are things that are none of OUR business you have to tell your fellow females there are things that are none of THEIR business. Anything else?

"If you had the clap back when you were 18, that's the past and you're not obligated to tell him about it."

(See my above comment.)

"It will make him think you were promiscuous and it will automatically

put a negative image into his mind."

No, I won't THINK you were promiscuous I will KNOW you were promiscuous . . . at least enough to get the clap. The only "negative" is that I will expect you to be as giving as you USED to be, babe.

"He doesn't need to know this. If you really want to tell him about this, be aware it's not likely to go over well."

Do you speak from experience? It may not go over well if you put out on the first date for someone ELSE but expect me to wait 'til the second date for anal. That kinda thing would be a pain in the butt, sure.

"He does have the right to know you are currently free of diseases, so do tell him about that."

Here we agree, snowbird. Still, whether you HAD the clap then and do NOT have it now or whatever . . . clap story or not, I will APPLAUD your honesty. I might even give you a standing ovulation. What other secrets do you tell these women to keep?

"You had hot lesbian sex with your dorm mate in college."

Day-um!

MOST guys would ENJOY that mental picture. Ask my hetero, bi and lesbian fans. They'll tel you!

"Guess what? They might all talk like they dig this, but the fact is most men don't want to hear about this either."

Come on, Izzie, you cannot be serious!

Oh, he'd probably love to shag you and your dorm mate at the same time . . . "

Yes! I have hubs where I mention and post pictures of lesbians, in fact.

" . . . but he doesn't really want to hear about things that happened when he wasn't there."

Threesomes are popular! I wrote a threesome hub and a couple of threesome articles for PAY! WHY do you think this is a problem?

"Why? Cos that means someone else was able to turn you on. . ."

Obviously, you need to date guys secure in their sexuality!

(Do ya want my cell number, m' lady?) They say no one eats better pus$y than a woman 'cause a woman HAS one and they say no one can suck a a goo-goo like another guy 'cause HE has one. never stopped ME from doing anything!

" . . .he likes to think that special talent lies only with him."

I don't THINK, my little bird, I KNOW. I have no problem with threesomes. What I could do to you is UNIQUE from

what OTHERS could do. Hell, I'll put my tongue in places it has never been before, baby! Go on, next thing you tell them is . . .?

"If you really want to tell him about this, start out by hinting you may have kissed a girl in school once - if he lights up, you can take it from there."

NOW you're talkin' sense, girl! go on!

"If not, tell him you were drunk and playing Truth or Dare."

Okay, either way might work but stick with what is the HOTTEST story, okay?

"Don't tell him who bought you which gift."

Why would I care about some loser having to buy you like a whore? Long as I'm getting what I need and NOT paying for it I don't care about that!

"I know a few women who've

accumulated rather expensive gifts from the men in their lives."

So they are retired WHORES? Too bad they weren't good enough to get paid in actual cash, huh? (I actually have a lady friend who says I don't make enough money to date her sister. her sister has this diamond ring

she used to refer to as her "swallow" ring. I'm hip; don't worry.)

Please, continue.

"They have a tendency to flaunt their jewelry in the faces of their new men, to make them feel like a small spender."

Not a real problem. It's not a woman's job to make me feel anything but pleasure! Modern men know it isn't the 1950s anymore.

Face it, over the past couple of decades a lot of women have been given good-paying jobs (over men) simply because you have vajayjays. It's time to let y'all have TRUE equality and spend money on US now.

"This often prompts the purchase of something the poor guy really can't afford. Don't do this."

Again, these guys are losers. Winners are NOT gonna try to BUY your love! The Beatles said it best: "Money can't buy me love!" Remember, it's not the

gift; it's the thought that counts!

"Don't tell him about each guy who contributed to your jewelry box. Besides, if you're shagging for gifts, you're no different than the average prostitute."

That's my girl! By George I think she's got it! (I am getting so turned on right now!)

"So there you have it, 5 things you should really keep to yourself. Some might say I'm encouraging dishonesty, but that really isn't my intention."

Well, beautiful, you might not have INTENDED to do that but you DID, ya know?

"If you truly love someone and have no intention of shagging the next football team you encounter, I believe you're entitled to keep your past in the past."

So you wouldn't care about the strippers and porn stars and the rest of the bevy of babes I have been with? I don't have to tell YOU or any OTHER woman anything about that?? Explain.

"The human psyche is a powerful thing, and some facts can mess with a guy's (or girl's) head to the point they never get over it."

"Bitch, please!" This is 2009. We should all be more advanced and sophisticated and , hey, we don't have our damn-ass flying cars yet so the least we oughta have by now are more

open minds and stronger senses of self-worth. . .well, guys anyway.

You women can keep having low self-esteem if you wish. We can truly make that work for us!

"I see no point in ruining a love affair for things that you cannot change, things you no longer do, and things that will never directly affect the other person. Some things are better left unsaid."

Well, okay, but what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. . .

and I have shared MY sauce with a LOT of geese, okay?

If it's okay for women to not share everything then WE men don't have to either.

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.