Things I Can Do Without

In honor of the recent passing of George Carlin, master of "People I could do without."

My best friend says my postings come off as too negative. He says that I will lose readers with my opinions and I should lighten up some. But with these examples below I find it difficult to find the positive side to each.

Like many of you I work fairly hard, can't wait to get home, and anticipate my weekends. But for the past few years things keep popping up in society, begging for attention, that really have no place in my life. Today I'd like to talk about some of the most un-interesting things being forced on me. Maybe you've experienced this phenomenon, too. I'll never be able to write about all of them, but here's a couple of over-simplified examples:

Any and all junk mail - -electronic or otherwise. Seriously, do I need ten things a week in my mailbox about mortgages, carpet cleaners, pizza specials, or above ground pools? How much paper is wasted weekly on these ads that no one reads? And thanks for all the unsolicited sexual advice, porn, sex toys, financial wisdom, and "friend" requests that appear all too often in my inbox.

Celebrity "News." Remember last year when Paris Hilton went to jail for about as long as her screen time in the "House of Wax" remake? The fact that she went to jail was not news. The slap in the face to the law abiding, and far less affluent, American citizens when Paris was let out of jail was the actual news. These non-issue stories about celebrity wealth and love, the things that boring and self-loathing people obsess over, make us dumber as a nation. And shows like TMZ and Extra need to go, too. And take Oprah's high horse with ya.

Talking Heads. It seems like every show on every station has some muppet who can't shut their hole about any and everything. How did America make it this far for the past 232 years without the guidance from Dr. Phil, Greta Van Susteren, or Bill O'Reilly. Celebrity is the new celebrity and it seems to have transcended journalism from objective to objectionable. Also see, reporter in California who covers married mayor and then becomes his mistress or reporter in Chicago who covers man with missing wife and is photographed in a bikini at his house.

Reality Television. Thank you "Survivor" for taking American television down the rabbit hole. Comedian Daniel Tosh has a great bit about why other countries hate us. He points out that starving ourselves for 30 days on the back side of an inhabited island for millions of viewers is a game to us. In other countries they call it actual survival. I often wonder if our society will truly turn into the overly-commercial and brain dead culture of the movie "Idiocracy." Rent that movie, it's as cautionary as it is stupid.

Sports teams that don't try. The English Premiership League (soccer) gets it right because they reward teams that succeed and demote the teams that fail. Each year the three lowest teams in the EPL drop to the equivalent of the minor leagues, while those outstanding teams of the lower league get propelled to the big time. Millions of pounds (dollars) are at stake with that transition. If the NBA and MLB implemented something like that I am sure it would make the season a lot more interesting for those teams that usually crawl into themselves around their respective All-Star breaks.

People who get too much credit. Good for that CEO that made tons of money, or the mayor who cut the town deficit in half. But they didn't do it alone. Can we get some more positive publicity for our teachers, nurses, cops, fire fighters, troops, and parents? The news truly is the "Bad News" these days. Why are the feel-good stories about true heroes pushed off the front page? Oh, they needed room for the article about Paris Hilton's new dog perfume.

Stories about steroids in sports. I do not condone illegal drug use of any kind, but like it or not almost every sport is tainted by something, not just drugs. You think the golfers of today would be as good as the Bobby, Arnie, and Jack eras if they had to use the same equipment? I don't condone cheating, but how close is the line between technological advancement and pharmaceutical enhancement? The key lies within the parenting and the coaching. Parents and coaches who harvest sports dreams in their children with the goal to respect themselves and the histories of the sports they play have a better chance to bring the credibility back to those sports. As long as sports remain a big business there will always be people out to make a buck, at any cost.

Race wars. Why, after all the years of diversity vs. integration, are we still killing each other over the color of our skin? And why do people who feel slighted immediately point out skin color for their down-fall? At some point people need to take accountability for their actions, and start mending their own fault lines before mending their neighbor's.

George W. Bush. Seriously, the comedy has worn out its welcome. Am I the only one who can't wait for January 20, 2009? Mr. President, please don't start any more wars before then.

Terrorists. If you are so virtuous why do you have zero regard for human life? I say you should have a huge party, invite all your life-hating friends, too. Then blow yourselves up. P.S. Have the party at Ahmadenajad's house in Tehran. Thanks.

Global Warming scares. Al Gore did not invent the internet and he didn't invent Global Warming either. I'm no scientist, but when you stand in a room at 70 degrees and start adding people, eventually that room's temperature will rise. Um, Earth isn't getting any bigger, but the number of people on it increases every day. Allowing for inflation and subtracting the quantum equation for the recipe of an A&W Root Beer Float, more people equal higher temps. Do your part people to stop the waste and hope for the best.

Like I said, it's hard for me to find the positives in these examples. I don't think Bush has made my life any easier in the past 8 years other than getting me pay raises while I served in the Army, so that's one plus. But in the end my take is he set our country back at least a decade.

And race? Come on. Our country is way too sensitive about race and sexual orientation. The funny thing is millions of dollars are made by people who create and sell sexually offensive material, explicit music that degrades genders and races, and all types of violent television and movies that become box-office fodder. Obviously not everyone is offended, but politicians and the media tell us we should be or we will burn in hell. Terrorist blows up café killing 80 people vs. Rapper who sings about women but refers to them as garden tools. I think Satan will be too busy with suicide bomber to worry about Lil Wayne. It's time to get our priorities straight. Parents, you're on the clock.