You might have heard the expression "Keeping Up With the Joneses".

Actually the term is "letting some tool influence you into keeping the economy going, for you so give a damn about the quality of wood on your stupid lawn deck like that tool next door does. Like its not going to be covered with snow soon anyway it's freaking November."

But this hub is about specifically the communications techniques of tools. So let's get started.

1. You ever see the way guys who hate Michael Jordan but know they got no right dissing him speak of MJ? B.J. Armstrong and those guys? They say Michael has a "passion". He has a "will to win" and a "passion for the game". This is essentially proof that B.J. Armstrong, like all former Chicago Bulls who weren't Pip or Pax or Rodman, is a tool.

It's called a talent. Not a passion. Never let someone get away with telling a chick you like that you have a "passion" for acting when the truth is you're the best actor alive. We have a passion for SOMEONE. We have a talent for some-THING. It's literally the tool's biggest weapon.

A passion. What a snarky, balding, no-talent tool that refers as your love of something the reason he's jealously tried ganging up on you for all these years, hitting you with mental games so you would throw your talents away and get a career at 22 and some unimpressed fiancee who's not into you, but into a series of concepts. Keywords. Marriage. Stability. God. Car. Friends. Happy Dad.

It helps that there are many beautiful places in this world to visit. It assures that the tool's girlfriend will always be able to keep these concepts coming: Cruise. Winery. Paris. Sydney. Rome. Greece...

2. Unlike yourself, who bashes people constantly because they're honest-to-god tools, a tool will bash people for the explicit purposes of testing your reaction. They will go after people they know are more friendly with you then with them, and see if they can get you to "start an argument'.

a) As they bash this friend of ours, to get you to react and test you, he will try to lead you into a feeling of deja vu. Can you handle this soon being YOU that gets talked about like this by these no-talent dime-a-dozen fourth-choices? Because you know the only reason they're bashing him is because said friend knows these guys are tools too.

3. "Wanna come to our thing?"-- This is a tool's weapon. The invitation. If you don't know how chicks function, this could be your ticket to a twenty-on-one situation. It won't be like when you competed with them athletically, and made every last one of them look foolish. This time the venue will shift to a black-tie function where yelling at them and then punching them in the ear will actually have parents, little brothers and sisters, old people, and everyone else to label you as the villain. It's important to come off as the good guy in any situation with a tool where people are watching, because this parasitic garbage is waiting to sit off to the side with their noses up in the air and their 9-foot tall flings with tiny beady eyes...and analyze this "he said she said" situation to the point of exhaust. It's what happens when your brain isn't evolved enough to come up with a book or a screenplay. And that brings me to my next point --

4. As you recognize your talents, you will discover that the working world actually has the nerve to use their EMPLOYMENT...as a source of being a tool. As we all know on hubpages, if you're not living off a best selling book or film, you're a failure until it happens. The concept of the "bum" is pure tool's gold. Bosses are all tools. Because they think that life is 100% reality just because we're in 100% reality. You can't be a master in this world just by being better at everything the master does because you're being caught in the same net they use to keep minorities out of the corporate ranks. A tool thinks all blacks are good at sports and could do their girl better then they could, so if you're particularly acrobatic and confrontational, you will get tripped up like a black dude at this job or school would. It's wonderful to see so many black dudes who are bosses in the corporate world. But you know with this means? THEIR boss is NOT a tool. it is the quintessential defining point of a tool that they hire as few African-Americans as possible. That means they are so desperate for everything good in life that they will hide behind the one established way that's always poisoned this country in order to do it. I know tools for example who have law degrees and the first thing they do...is try to phrase as educated and deep of an argument AGAINST affirmative action as possible. Read that again. You see if you don't care how the hell you make alot of money, you will find one enemy in your way, and that's liberals. Liberals -- to one of these career Midwesterners, particularly in Indiana -- run the media, run the coffee shops, run the schools, run the hearts of their very women, and thus it is actually something the smartest of these inbreeders can possible strive for...to justify the unjustifible. This same tool, who's a high school teacher, also went on to explain racism under slavery empires to come from "the natural circumstance of growing up and seeing a whole group of people working under another group of people. You'd assume one was better then other."

You see?! He did it again! This is a perpetual habit! Toolish!

That's why unless a black guy actually played college ball or was some kind of insanely good local legend, the tool in charge would have never ever hired him. College ball is literally sweet string music to a tool. They all LOOOOOVE a basketball team or a football team SPECIFICALLY because they went to that school. That is no god damn reason to be a fan. Michigan State needs to improve before their fat ass redshirt freshmen take all our eggs in the breakfast diner. But tools love college sports because it's legitimized rednecks getting off on not paying very talented black players for their effort. They LOVE that. And so you'll have this black dude, this former STAR ball player who doesn't even need to work in this craphole, and all the tools in the office or school -- will refer to him by a nickname. You call him Mister Papmural. Not "Paps". He's not here to shine your shoes. He's the principal. You effin effin TOOLS, man!

It's important to note that whoever your boss's boss is -- you won't only get fired for dissing that inbred tool, he just might shoot you from a clock tower. It's a sad situation, upper management. Number one -- there's a good amount of bosses out there who all the other bosses know are there because they slept with someone. Imagine what this would lead to. There's no collaberative effort alive that's going to be functional when the hot young lady who knows nothing is THEIR boss's favorite. Most of them also are in the business of keeping up appearances and you wouldn't BE-LIEVE how much time they spend on this. Don't underestimate this. Your girlfriend or wife who's perfectly wonderful...takes all day in the bathroom to get ready before you go somewhere. And she's not going to lose a career and tons and tons of money and stability if she doesn't. That's simply for you and her, the make-up and the perfume. And that's IT. The two of you. Facebook is a tool's conception and a tool's dream...you can tell...because Facebook, like Linkedin, serves to destroy the single man who's in the process of adequately lying to a young lady to get in her pants. Now while it's wrong to lie to you ladies, understand that...it's none of these tools god damn business how I try to get with you. None of us take issue with your boyfriend putting rohypnol in your wine every night for the same results, do we?

Yet with the advent of facebook and Linkedin, tools have shot themselves in the foot almost entirely, and might soon spell the end to tool as we know it, because they put the spoils and rewards of their lives IN THE PICTURE with them. They're now undergoing psychological pressure that only they themselves care about. I found at least forty girls who I knew in college with who aren't married. That would make them 31. AND they're on facebook for all their bitchy little friends to generate whispers that would have never been there before. This means that they will fundamentally feel pressure to speed into family and kids when they clearly held out this long for something truly special. Not just to be like their little gang of bitches or "lady tools". I know one girl who simply took her profile off facebook because she discovered somehow that her name had been googled 2,324 times. She doesn't have that many friends, and she's not famous. This is quite clearly someone from her past who either wants to jerk off to her photo, or gloat at the hope that she's going to be ALONE in the photo.

But I digress. We were talking about your supervisor and how it relates to tonight's lecture about the indiginous Tool. Well being a tool is what makes your supervisor your supervisor. Toolsmanship is essential for the American economy. It took a complete and total tool once, way back in as early as nations formed, to think the way to make money was to spend even more money to kidnap and pillage.That's what makes these people nothing but a big inconsequential herd and why every dildo-chewing teenager turns directly into this. They don't read history, they don't leave the pack to pursue anything that's actually UN-boring, they can sit through countless hours where nothing happens, they take girls you'd never want and are so incensed you don't find them worth your time to get bad over that they sabotage the possibilities of you getting the ones you do want, I have yet to have a boss who ever didn't talk some shit to an underling about me. Or take some kind of stupid stance. Or pull something in secret that he could keep his hands off of. They're all tools. Except for this guy Keir. He wasn't a tool.

5. Tools have younger siblings who appear to be very very socially advanced, but that's only because the tool has been trying to make it look more of natural circumstance when he gets with Dog Face who's trying to get back at you. Often unfortunately the poor kid turned into a lady magnet today because of the intense peer pressure he doesn't get to escape because of this overgrown bitch of a tool his older brother and his friends are.

6. Tools like to try to subtly imply that compared to you, they're like your older brothers. They'll try to get you to think that it's some sign of being better that they can get alcohol and you can't. The reason you can't get it my friend is that you have a baby face. And in ten years, they're all gonna be fat and bald to go with looking older. And they'll all get laid off too.

Because they can't fake "passion" forever....

Now CLICK BELOW...

http://hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Spot-A-Tool

http://hubpages.com/hub/Things-Tools-Say