So much of what we think stems from what we feel. In cognitive therapy, you can alter what you feel by changing your thoughts. However, it has been my experience that this technique needs to be paired with some work on feelings as well.  Here are some tips on being able to reflect on both.

Thinking is the easiest thing to reflect on.  Mostly because, conscious thought is clearly found and can be understood with a little examining.  The following system can be used to examine the thoughts about a situation after the it has occurred.  This way you can learn from your experience and not repeat behavior, decisions and actions that harm you or others.

I am particularly a fan of walking softly and carrying no stick.

1)  Right after the event has occurred write down what was going on in your mind.  Make this tally with out any judgments.  Simply, write down your thoughts.  It is okay not to remember all of them.  Just do your best.

2)  Ask yourself if there are any opinions involved in your thoughts.  Sometimes we let are stereotypes and opinions cloud our understanding of a situation.  Check your opinions against real life and see if they are faulty.  Don't be afraid to admit you are wrong.

3)  Ask yourself if there are any underlying assumptions that you are making. Often, we make assumptions that are false about other people and things.  Check to maker sure that there is confirmed evidence for what you project in the situation.  Learning about the things that you assume will help you to think more constructively about things.

4)  Ask yourself if there are any other perspectives that can be taken on the issue.  Some call this putting yourself in someone else's shoes.  Considering the alternate opinion, not only broadens your mind.  It also helps you to develop characteristics such as empathy and compassion.

When you have these answers you will start to understand a lot more about your thinking process.  It is good to try and understand other perspectives to gain wisdom from your thoughts and experiences.  Remember that you are part of your experiences and the factor of you, always is in the mix.

Feeling is a little more difficult to get at.  Mostly, because we arn't always conscious of what we feel.  Now, that you have examined what you are thinking about a situation ask yourself what are you feeling in respect to your thoughts.

1)  Take your list of thoughts and write down what you can remember about your feelings at the time.  Making an inventory of this can be difficult, try to look for a few key things.

• Try to remember that emotions are complex and that you might be feeling more than one at a time.
• Anger and stress are secondary emotions, which means that you feel them on the surface and usually something else is at the heart of these, like frustration and fear.
• There is no wrong feeling in this inventory.  In order for it to work, you need to be completely honest with yourself.

2)  Look for connections between what you are feeling and what you are thinking.  For instance, if you were feeling angry, scared and insecure while thinking he is going to leave me.  The connection is direct and reasonable given the thought.

3)  When you have connected the thought with the feeling, it is time to examine whether or not either has something to teach you.  Ask yourself, where do these thoughts and feelings come from?  What can I improve about myself to make this a better reaction?  What about the situation can I learn about other people and their reactions?

This can help you gain wisdom about yourself and how you relate to your environment.  When you have a better understanding of how you work.  You will better understand others and be more wise.  I realize that this focuses narrowly in interpersonal wisdom.  However, this kind can be the hardest knowledge to attain.